The Reviews Are In: Deadpool

featured imageMom and Dad, if you’re reading this (safe bet), you should know that I went to see this movie under the falsest of pretenses. See, I thought Deadpool was about a ghost who throws a pool party for his friends. Imagine my surprise! I honestly wasn’t expecting the gratuitous violence and the foul language and the annoyingly brief glimpse of Ryan Reynolds’ junk. Suffice it to say, not my cup of tea. Anyway, I’m now going to launch into a very lengthy dissertation on how Billie Piper is, in many ways, a more well-rounded performer than her American counterpart, Britney Spears. So, you’ll probably want to leave off right here. Bye… love you… go watch Castle for a while…

Now that it’s just us non-AARP subscribers, allow me to say that Deadpool is, as expected, pretty frakking awesome–

good one

Sorry. It was a refreshing change of pace after the onslaught of superhero movies where the fate of the known universe rests in the hands of a few dudes with matching chiseled jawlines. Deadpool is about humble mercinary Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) trying to get his life (and face) back after he finds himself on the wrong end of a science deadpool-gallery-05experiment gone sideways. He’s gotta get his girl (Morena Baccarin) and put the screws to some bad guys, not necessarily in that order.

Arguably, it’s a little light on story. The movie continually segues between Wade’s life before and after the experiment that made him Deadpool, and not a whole lot happens in between. It’s not unlike any other action movie where a handsome white male kicks ass and takes names–

good one

–sorry– for the sake of love. But it is, you know, a Deadpool film, so there’s plenty of violence and sex jokes and fourth wall breaking to keep you entertained. Luckily for me, I was sitting directly behind a person using a screen reader for the hearing impaired. Trust me when I say that you haven’t lived till you’ve seen the phrase “muppet farts” scroll across a tiny digital screen in a dark movie theater.

I understand that this movie is most definitely not for everyone. Specifically, it’s not for your kids. This is not an Avengers movie, as evidenced by the three minute long, full-frontal sex montage in the first act. Again I stress, don’t bring your children (I’m looking at you, lady sitting next to me with three moppets under the age of ten).

But if you are a mature, consenting adult who doesn’t mind having this image…

giphy (1)

bouncing around in your brain-box for the rest of you life, this might be the movie for you.

Whitney Weldon

Advertisements

Fictional Music Groups it’s Totally OK to Listen to Unironically

Mandonna (Happy Endings)

To this day, Mandonna’s rendition of “Like a Prayer” is the most hauntingly beautiful I’ve ever heard. Also, I love that they hum the intro for almost a full minute to give Penny (Casey Wilson) time to do the murderball bit. Team Friendship!

Robin Sparkles (How I Met Your Mother)

Phhfff. Like I needed an excuse to put on jelly bracelets and my cool graffiti coat.

Powerline (A Goofy Movie)

Wouldn’t it be, like, completely insane if I crafted this entire post for the sole purpose of posting another Poweline video? …Seriously, would it?

The Barden Bellas/ The Treblemakers (Pitch Perfect)

The Bellas and the Trebles make those Glee weirdos look like the S Club 7 of acapella.

The Sapphires (The Sapphires)

Fun Fact: The sapphires were an actual girl group that sang for the troops in Vietnam, but those chicks never put out a record on iTunes, so we must settle for the soundtrack version. And by settle I mean put it on repeat.

Billie Piper (Surprisingly, a real pop star)

When Robin Freaking Sparkles is a more realistic teen pop icon than you, your act must be remarkably whack. But clearly she did something right because I own, umm, three of her records.

Mouse Rat (Parks and Recreation)

I bet we all thought that there was no way Lady Di could ever be one-upped by a mini-horse. Then this happened.

Sex Bob-Omb (Scott Pilgrim V. The World)

I want to have this band’s adopted babies.

I am so in lesbians with this band

They are Sex Bob-Omb and they are here to sell out and make money and stuff.

(If that cluster-quote made no sense to you, you need to get less of a life).

Whitney

A Birthday Tribute to Whitney

In years past, I have compiled lists of all of my birthday wishes for Whitney on this, the day after her birth (because I am a procrastinator). My wishes started out somewhat realistic, such as Bones and Booth getting it on and having a baby (NAILED IT! (that’s what he said)), but my wishes have become more unrealistic, such as last year’s wish that I would meet an adorable geek at Comic Con who would build a teleportation device that would allow Whitney and I to be able to watch TV together every night. Because that kind of technology should be used for something important.

What is one to do when their highly unrealistic goals are unattained? Wish for something even more ridiculously far-fetched, of course! Putting it out into the ether is all that matters. The more outlandish the wish, the more likely you are to get some semblance of it, right?

With that, I give you, but more importantly, Whitney, my list of wishes for her on her (day after her) birthday:

Continue reading

Fangirly Exposed: Billie Piper (Again!)

Billie-Piper-Girlfriend-137625What makes an artist? Some say it’s creativity, or passion, or talent. Personally, and I apologize if this sounds pretentious, I feel that a true artist dances around in midriff tops and leather pants to catchy 90’s chart toppers. Call me fastidious, but that’s just my opinion. And few people fit that definition better than Billie Piper, the brilliant teen-pop-idol-turned-serious-actress. I could present you with well-planned arguments to support my case, but if Billie’s music has taught me anything, it’s that style is WAY more important than substance. So without further ado, I present you with three of my favorite Billie Piper music videos.
-Whitney

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Graham Norton

5252100205_85549a96b12009 was a pretty big year for me: I aced the PSAT, was granted exclusive driving rights to my mom’s super sexy 1993 Honda Civic, and was finally, finally deemed old enough to watch The Graham Norton Show on BBC America. To this day I’m not sure where my love of TGNS originated. All I can say is that to me, it seemed like the perfect blend of hilarity, raunchy innuendo, and good-natured chat show fun (think The Late Show meets Pee Wee’s Playhouse). It also doesn’t hurt that Mr. Norton himself is, without exception, the coolest TV personality on either side of the Pond. Case and point, the guest on last weeks episode was THE Billie Piper. I have to assume that Graham saw our Billie Piper “Honey to the Bee” post and set up that interview as a special treat to me. He’s just that kind of guy, folks. If you’re still not on the Graham Norton train, feast your eyes on this clip of some of the shows best moments.

-Whitney