There once was a normal girl who lived on a normal street went to her normal school and had a normal day. She even had a normal name of Whitney.
One day, Whitney came home to her normal house and began her normal evening routine wishing she could have something other than normal.
What this normal girl didn’t know was that she was destined for greatness and would soon be a member of the coolest, most exclusive club there is: The Society for Exceptional Ladies.
As Whitney laid her normal head on her normal pillow, she was pulled out of her bed by masked figures.
They instructed her to be quiet as they put a black bag over her head.
They seemed to be taking her somewhere and before long she was made to sit in a chair.
“Where am I? Who are you? Is this a Saw-type situation? Because I will have you know that I am well trained in the horror movie genre and know how to handle any situation you throw at me?”
As her hood was pulled off, Whitney saw she was sitting on a chair in the middle a darkened room with only a single light bulb hanging over her. She could see others standing in the shadows, but decided to first deal with the person standing directly behind her.
“This isn’t a horror movie, Whitney. You’ve been selected for The Society for Exceptional Ladies.”
The woman came around to face her.
“The Society…. wait. Are you Peggy Carter?”
“Yes, I have nominated you for the society based on your general badassery and for always fighting for superior representation of women in superhero movies.”
Whitney was still in a state of shock but managed, “Batman v. Superman was a bit of a mess, right? They should never have cancelled you, Peggy.”
“Sorry,” Whitney said. “I didn’t mean to bring up a touchy subject.”
Peggy shrugged and moved back into the shadows as two more figures came out into the light.
“Tina and Amy?” Whitney exclaimed.
“Yes, it is…we. We have nominated you for your hilariousity and your ability to always make your cousin laugh. Without fail.”
They moved back into the shadows as a Tina of a different variety emerged.
“I have nominated you for respecting the male form, especially those of the famous variety. And especially their butts.”
“It has been my absolute pleasure,” said Whitney.
Over the course of the next hour, several more extraordinary ladies came forward.
Rey nominated Whitney for her never needing a guy to hold her hand.
Veronica Mars nominated her for being as sassy as all get out.
Penny Hartz nominated her for always trying to make the best out of a bad situation.
Jane Kerkovich Williams nominated her for owning up to her peculiarities.
Alex Kerkovich nominated her for knowing the value of both TV and a well placed pop culture reference.
Jane Austen nominated her for being one heck of a writer.
The Clones nominated her for embracing all all aspects of her personality.
Mindy nominated Whitney for knowing her self worth.
Kimmy Schmidt nominated her for always keeping it cool.
And her cousin Ellen nominated her for being the best cousin, friend, psuedo sister, all-around-awesome person that a girl could ask for.
(Oh, I’m sorry. Did you not think I was going to be in this club?)
Whitney accepted her new membership in the club with aplomb.
She went on to eventually become the club’s president because even the most extraordinary of ladies had to recognize that Whitney was the most extraordinary of them all.
Happy birthday, Whitney! I agree with everything the extraordinary ladies said.