The Reviews Are In: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

This is the last Fangirly review I will ever write. And it’s all Ellen’s fault.

See, Ellen has a job where a working knowledge of pop culture is requisite. Needless to say, Ellen is very good at her job. She knew long before I did that that reviews for James guardians-galaxy-2-poster-charactersGunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, the film for which we bought our tickets weeks in advance, was getting slightly less glowing reviews than it’s predecessor. She told me, “Go into this movie thinking that’s it’s only OK, and it will probably exceed your expectations.”

So I did. I trust Ellen to a fault, not just because she’s my hero (please don’t tell her I said that), but because she has a nose for this sort of thing. Ellen’s the pop culture guru and I’m the one that can, under the right conditions, burp the first four letters of the jsc3020-cmp-v3781007-jsc3050-cmp-v2631009-comp-r-1486345142271_1280walphabet. You could say we both bring things to the table.

But as I sat through Vol. 2, I kept forgetting that it wasn’t a perfect specimen of modern film-making. I kept dancing in my seat to the soundtrack. I kept getting wrapped up in the story. I kept enjoying watching characters develop. I kept laughing so hard that I cried, and in some instances, crying so hard that I laughed. In short, I kept forgetting why I wasn’t supposed to love this movie unreservedly.

6ab3ae6be78d4be8fb6407ee754133c867474d74If I’m being honest, it wasn’t Ellen’s fault. She was just trying to shield us both from potential disappointment. But I can’t help but wonder what my experience of this movie might have been if I hadn’t spent the whole 136 minute run-time wondering which of it’s glaring flaws I was missing. I learned that I’d rather be surprised by life’s occasional disappointments rather than spend my time anticipating them. The pop culture landscape is such that people can earn a living from tearing down something someone else put blood and sweat into making.

So I’m done reading movie reviews. I encourage you to do the same. Whether you use guardians-of-the-galaxy-2-2016-billboard-1548them to decide which movies to see, or you use them to validate opinions you already had, I think that the brain trusts over at Entertainment Weekly have officially outlived their usefulness.

That being said, I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to fans of Batman V. Superman. You thought that movie was great, and I trashed it. Hard. While I stand by what I said, you are entitled to love that dumpster fire of a movie (double standards are fun, aren’t they?).

Oh, I was supposed to review Guardian of the Galaxy, wasn’t I? Guys, so good.

Whitney Weldon

 

Fangirl Poetry: A Crazy Crush Compilation

If you are like me, then you surely must feel,

There are some who are making the thirst very real

There’s a few so sexy, they’re making us squee,

Though they’ve skin like the bark of a wise old tree

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I can think of at least one adorable Braj

From whom I wouldn’t refuse a massage

 

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It’s true, funny guys are well worth the switch

‘Cause, like Bill, they never forget a bitch

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And nothing makes a gal more inclined to be naughty

Than a guy who can dazzle with skills in karate

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Then there are babes of a different hue,

Especially those that… abs…

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And a few that even your grandma will scope

#Blessed with a back like bag full of rope

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If you looking for a boff that isn’t a bore,

Find one that can tear up the f#@&ing dance floor

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Though, in truth, my lust for all other men counts for naught

‘Cause 2016 is the year of the Bot

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Whitney Weldon

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Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

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Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

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But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

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The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

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Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

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Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

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But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

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And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

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So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

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Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

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Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

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That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

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Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

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Whitney

Crush of the Mid-Week: Bill Hader

NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 26:  Bill Hader and Amy Schumer on the set of

(Photo by Bobby Bank/GC Images)

There is nothing like having one of your highschool TV crushes validated on the big screen. When Bill Hader joined the cast of SNL in 2005 I entered a profound state of smit. He was hilarious and, while not conventionally handsome, possessed all the raw sex appeal of a young Bud Cort. It was good. But surprisingly, Hader didn’t gain a lot of traction as a small-screen heart-throb…anigif_enhanced-buzz-29034-1369072374-3Bill-Hader-Dancing-as-James-Carvilletumblr_mv5nol2b621rmrpi7o2_500

You have my permission to be shocked. Astounded, even.

And even though Hader has had awesome supporting comedic roles in a lot of really funny movies (Superbad, They Came Together) he’s never really been able to break into the Leading Man scene. Till now. I’m probably the last twenty-something on Earth to see Trainwreck, and while I had a few issues, I was ultimately won over (hard) by Hader’s Aaron Conners. If I may be so very bold, I would say that this might be the best Leading Man performance in a romcom, ever. I mean that. He is so effortlessly charming and dreamy that for one brief moment I thought to myself “Chris Pratt who?”

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(Joking, Chris. You’re my everything).

Anyway, if you haven’t seen Trainwreck, you should seriously consider it. As a film, I thought it was ok. Pretty good, even. But if you want to witness Hader’s historic rise to Christian Slater level dreaminess, you need to see it. You can thank me later.

-Whitney

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The Reviews are In: Jurassic World

My personal history with the Jurassic Park franchise goes as follows: saw the first movie WAY too young (two, guys, two years old), missed the second movie completely, and spent the third film trying to figure out how Jeff Goldblum wasn’t dinosaur poop. So why then was I full-tilt giddy for the Jurassic World reboot? Come on, guys, think real hard…

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My level of indifference toward dinosaurs is directly proportional to my devastating Chris Pratt thirst. But while I went to the theater for the Pratt-nip, I stayed for what actually turned out to be a very good movie.

hinh_anh_the_gioi_khung_long_jurassic_world__22Chris Pratt plays Owen Grady, a professional dinosaur wrangler who is called in when a new attraction at the new and improved Jurassic World theme park goes haywire. He, along with straight-laced park executive Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) must find a way to avert disaster AND contain the raging sexual tension between them. A tall order for anyone.

Just to be clear, Universal did not reinvent the wheel here. It’s a Jurassic Park movie. There are dinosaurs. But what Jurassic World manages to do very well is combine all the best elements of the franchise so far into one film. It’s scary, and sweet, and has an infectious sense of wonder that I haven’t gotten since the first Jurassic Park.  How infectious, you ask? I think my birthday cake this year speaks for itself.

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Verdict: Go see it. If you’re already a fan of the movies, then you’ll most likely love it. If not, see it anyway. If Chris Pratt on a motorcycle doesn’t make a believer out of you, nothing will.

-Whitney

Marry, Boff, Kill: The Boys of Summer!!! (Ellen’s CORRECT Answers)

Yesterday, you may have seen that Whitney played a round of MBK with some of the characters from some of our favorite movies this summer.  She predicted I would throw shade and she gives me no choice but to do be shady when she gets it so unequivocally wrong.  Once again, it falls to me to not totally disqualify us as experts in objectifying men.  Whitney, you are totally going to ruin our street cred.  If you feel like we are both getting it wrong, or if you feel like you need to tell Whitney how wrong she was, let us know on our Facebook page, our twitter@fangirly2, or at fangirlyfangirls@gmail.com.

Ellen’s Picks

Jurassic-World-Chris-PrattMarry: Owen Grady

First of all, he looks like Chris Pratt.  That should be enough, but I’ll go on.  Granted, this is the one movie I haven’t seen of the three, but just from the trailer I know that he has the gentle-yet-firm approach to train velociraptors that is sure to make him the perfect candidate with whom to make babies.  Doesn’t hurt that the process is sure to be quite…enjoyable.

avengers-age-of-ultron-scarlet-witch-quicksilver-marvelBoff: Quicksilver

I don’t know how to be delicate with my response to this one.  But…umm…he has super speed and I won’t lie and say that I am not curious as to how that would manifest itself in the boudoir.  Admittedly, “fast” is not always what one wants in that department, but I feel like it could also have…ahem…satisfactory results that I am not prepared to bypass for the purposes of this game.  Was that all vague enough to still be appropriate?

nicholas-hoult-in-mad-max-fury-road-movie-3Kill: Nux

It would a bit of “pot calling the kettle black” to reject him for skin tone alone, but I’ll start there.  Then I will move on to what Whitney referred to as his “cute little tumors” and the fact that he requires a human being to be chained to him as a blood bag.  Listen I am open to experimentation, but I am not quite prepared to have a voyeur joining us.  So, Nux, I send you off to that great Valhalla in the sky.

Ellen 

Marry, Boff, Kill: The Boys of Summer!!! (Whitney’s Answers)

I take an undue level of pleasure in bringing to you our latest round of Fangirly Marry, Boff, Kill. The competition is as tight as the contenders respective outfits and we’re hoping for a clean fight. However, if Ellen starts throwing shade again, I will in no way be responsible for my actions. Today’s contestants are Chris Pratt as Owen Grady (Jurassic World), Nicholas Hoult as Nux (Mad Max:Fury Road), and Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver (Avengers: Age of Ultron). And since we know you’ve got opinions, go ahead and unleash them on our Facebook page, our twitter @fangirly2, or at fangirlyfangirls@gmail.com.

Whitney’s Picks

landscape-1430757391-frd-ds-00085Marry: Nux

I realize that the war-boy-turned-unlikely-hero is going to be a hard sell. I can’t imagine my parents being thrilled, especially when they learn that my other choices were a respected dinosaur wrangler and a superhero. To them I say, hey man, Nux might not have a job that pays well (unless he gets paid in raw, manic sex appeal), and our joy might any day be cut short by his cute little tumors, Barry and Larry. But they say the loves that burn brightest are also the most brief. At least I get to send that little psycho off to Walhalla with a smile on his face.

uncharted_fan_cast__chris_pratt_as_nathan_drake_by_imwithstoopid13-d7m49yrBoff: Owen Grady

I can’t help but think that when your job description involves keeping a bunch of genetically modified tooth-monsters in line, your time as a viable boff is pretty limited. How long until a raptor gnaws off your face, or heaven forbid, you become one of those jaded, Jurassic-World-weary, “I’m getting too old for this Stegosaurus” type dino-dudes. So Let’s do this.  You know, before the unthinkable happens and you start to look like Jeff Goldblum.

600full-quicksilver-(aaron-taylor--johnson)Kill: Quicksilver

Did you see this coming? I didn’t. Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s turn as Quicksilver was one of my favorite part of the latest Marvel summer screen buster. Not that it wasn’t problematic (‘nother time, ‘nother place), but I did love this character. I loved the hair (yeah, ya heard) and his unconvincing accent and his sexy blue and grey speed suit. It’s all good. But one must go, and by process of elimination, well, here we are. I’m so sorry. You’re great, but you gotsta go. I mean it. Go! Before I lose my nerve! Wait… come back. Ha! Just Kidding! Get out of here!

-Whitney

Grade A, Choice Picks: Ellen’s Most Anticipated Movies of Summer 2015

Maybe you can’t tell from this blog, but I am a bit of an indoor kid, so I will be spending most of summer bingeing “crap” television (i.e. amazing television) and going to the movies.  Granted, the “official” summer movie season has already begun and at least three movies that would have made this list have already come out: Avengers: Age of Ultron (awesome), Pitch Perfect 2 (fun), and Mad Max: Fury Road (epic awesomeness).  But I’m getting the list out before June, which seems like the actual start of summer, so cut me some slack.

Honorable Mentions: Vacation (July 29), Magic Mike XXL (July 1), Dope (June 19), Mr. Holmes (July 17), Paper Towns (July 24), Minions (July 10), The Fantastic Four (August 7)

masterminds10. Masterminds (August 19) Not a lot out for this one yet, but a movie starring Zach Galifianakis and Kristen Wiig as bank robbers and Jason Sudeikis with a ‘stache?  That will at least guarantee a good time even if it ends up not being any good.

9. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (August 7) The trailer for this Sundance darling just dropped this week and it seems to be my brand of quirky and weird.  I am also a sucker for a good coming of age summer movie.  I am not going to even touch the skeevy Alexander Skarsgard, even if I may want to with some degree of shame.

8.  Spy (June 5) The track record of Paul Feig and Melissa McCarthy teaming up for a summer comedy is pretty stellar and I am quite excited to see a comedic Jason Statham and Jude Law.  The summer season is not a place for your broody period dramas.  Give me a lot big action sequences or a lot laughs and I’m happy.  I get both with this one.

n-MISSION-IMPOSSIBLE-ROGUE-NATION-large5707. Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation (July 31) Little bit about my family, my dad is a pilot and any time there is a plane in a movie, he is bound to be complaining about the inaccuracies.  Any time I see that trailer with Tom Cruise hanging off the side of that plane, I can hear my dad screaming in my head.  The M:I movies may be a bit inaccurate, but they are always a good time.

6. Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (June 12) I recently went to an even where they were handing out promotional items for this movie.  I was quite pleased to be intrigued by the trailer for the movie that is plastered on my new towel and beach chair.  Another quirky coming of age story (see number 9).

5. Jurassic World (June 12) If you know me at all, it will come a surprise that I am putting Chris Pratt at number five, but even the glory of Chris Pratt leading a pack of velociraptors apparently couldn’t surpass my excitement for the top 4.

manfromuncle4. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (August 14) Guy Ritchie movies tend to have a particular cool vibe that speaks to me and this one looks even more fun than most.  The movie looks good, but do you know what looks really good?  Henry Cavill.

3. Inside Out (June 19) Even better than Paul Feig and Melissa McCarthy’s track record is Pixar’s.  A Pixar movie fronted by Amy Poehler about a teen girl’s emotions is sure to be an Ellen-pleaser if maybe not a crowd-pleaser, but it will probably be a crowd-pleaser, too.

2.  Ant-Man (July 17) I feel like I can just leave it at “Paul Rudd in a Marvel movie”, but I’ll try to say a little more.  The movie may have a bit of a storied production process, but remember that at this same time last year everybody was referring to Guardians of the Galaxy as “that Marvel space movie”.

trainwreck-trailer-pic1. Trainwreck (July 17) Bit of a disclaimer: I recently binge watched all of Inside Amy Schumer, so I am on a bit of Amy Schumer kick.  The movie is also getting some good buzz from it’s SXSW premiere.  At this point in my life, Amy Schumer and Bill Hader in a romantic comedy is probably going to be number one in my book, so I just went ahead and put it at number one.

Ellen

TV Obituaries: RIP Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation - Season 7Thank you all for being with me during this trying time.  Parks and Recreation left us peacefully two days ago and there is no other show that more deserved to go out on its own terms.  Whitney already gave Parks a moving and appropriate tribute, but this show more than any other deserves an extra.

If I have recommended Parks and Rec to you in the past, you have heard my pitch, but it remains the same.  Parks and Recreation is truly a special show because it is that rare breed of comedy that is all at once optimistic, smart, joyous, and oh, hysterically funny.  This breed is so rare that I’m not even sure there is another.

Comedies are my jam, but what I have always loved about Parks is that I leave every episode feeling uplifted because (Jerry jokes aside) the humor rarely comes from malicious place.  The show is truly special because it is about a group of people who are crazy degrees of different but who still love each other and (to varying degrees) love what they do.  Mainly because they get to do it together.  The show’s series finale was the perfect encapsulation of this, the perfect send-off to our little band of weirdos and I cried more times than I would like to admit because it wasn’t really that sad.  I cried because I am losing my best (TV) friend.

I’m really going to miss Pawnee and all of its eccentricities, because the town is a character in and of itself, but more than anything I am going to miss watching the Parks department and the genuine love that they have for each other.  It truly is the most enjoyable show that you could ever watch and I highly suggest that you get on Netflix if you have never had the extreme pleasure of watching this show.

So bye, bye, Parks and Rec.  I already miss you in the saddest fashion.

Ellen

Fangirly Poetry: A Lyrical Sendoff for Parks and Rec

I feel there’s much I need to say,

So many respects I need to pay

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My sorrow is depth-less, my grief without bounds

I swear to Zorp, my pain is as bad as it sounds

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You dare ask the source of my soul’s deflation?

‘Tis the terminus of my sweet, sweet Parks and Recreation

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But we come here, neither to mourn nor to grieve,

As Knope and Co. prepare to take their leave

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We should celebrate, honor, and thank it,

The show that warmed us, like a toasty Bean-Blanket

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Remember it’s humor, and wit, and grace,

And the time Ben and Leslie got to first base

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Remember Leslie, a woman of class and smarts

Who makes me proud to own Lady Parts

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Remember that, should your heart you ever misplace,

Burt Macklin will always be on the case

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I’d have no regrets, could I but get one wish

To once more see Ann, that beautiful, tropical fish

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If nothing else, we take comfort in this,

There’s one person, at least, we really won’t miss

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Now we send you off, with a kiss and a prayer,

We’ll never forget you, by this dead crow I swear

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-Whitney

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Crushes of the Week: Chris Pratt and Chris Evans (AKA Chris Prevans)

We’ve crushed on Pratt. We’ve crushed on Evans. But this week, we’ve fallen prey to the combined charms of our two favorite Marvel Males, whose Super Bowl hijinks made the years most watched sporting event more, you know, watchable. We’ll be sitting down to talk with Chris Prevans, an exclusive interview you’ll only be able to find here, on Fangirly. Here they are now…

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Whitney: Gentlemen, it’s a real pleasure to have you… here, at Fangirly. Last weekend was the Super Bowl. Pretty good game, right?

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Evans?

tumblr_m1uut7aE0K1qax34ro1_250Oh. A man of substance. I like it. 

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There seems to be a bit of a bromance brewing between you two.

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Oh…wow…

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Ok, guys, we can’t do this here…Chris Pratt, what are you doing?!

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I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, but you’re married, you know? Some things can never be…Please don’t cry…

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Point taken. Let’s talk about your plans for 2015. What can we expect from the Chris’?

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Oh… this year? Man, I don’t know how to tell you this… you didn’t get  nominated…

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It’s a really tough break. You were pretty good in Snowpiercer.

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I feel your pain. But Chris Pratt didn’t get a nom either, and he’s handling it pretty well. Right, Chris?

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Ok, let’s try something else. Is there anything you’d like to tell the fans? Help them get to know the real Chris Prevans?

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Oh, ok. That’s not really what I had in mind-

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Wait, huh?-

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No, guys-

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You’re definitely aren’t alone there, but-

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Ok, better…

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And on that note, we are all out of time. Thank you, Chris Prevans, so much for taking the time to talk with us.  Congratulations on being altogether too much for us to handle.

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Whitney

Marry Boff Kill: Marvel Chrises

Marvel sure does have a thing for casting a Chris as a superhero, but who can blame them when their picks are Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, and Chris Pratt.  In continuing with our never ending game of Marry, Boff, Kill, we are (quite happily) taking on these Marvel Chrises.  Bring it on, boys.

Ellen’s Answers:

Gamora in the back?  My look for hubby Chris Pratt

Gamora in the back? My look for my hubby, Chris Pratt

Marry Chris Pratt: By far my easiest MBK decision yet.  Listen, my number one quality always has been and always be a sense of humor, so cast member from Parks and Recreation?  Yes, that should do nicely.  That he also comes in the package of Chris Pratt? That should do very nicely.  And no, it doesn’t matter if we are talking Chris Pratt in Guardians shape or Parks season 2-3 shape.  I have always loved him.

Must. Not. Use. "Hammer" euphemism.

Must. Not. Use. “Hammer” euphemism.

Boff Chris Hemsworth: I don’t think I need to defend my answer, but in defense of my answer, I recently saw Chris Hemsworth at Comic Con and I’m pretty sure my ovaries literally reached out to him (TMI? Meh, whatever), so I feel like they would be angry if I didn’t take this opportunity to boff him. Like this is a likely scenario.  Oof, just the thought of it is too much for me to handle.

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Don’t cry, Cap.

Kill Chris Evans: This does depress me, but one of them had to go.  Considering that it wasn’t really until Winter Soldier that I boarded Chris Evans Express, I am left having to mercilessly sacrifice him to the MBK gods.

Whitney’s Answers: 

Ellen, you smart, strong, sensual Dill-weed. As per ushe, you have completely bunged this up. Sit back before you hurt yourself. I got this. 008~94

Marry Chris Evans: Logistically, he is the most sensible “marry” choice, as he is the only unwedded Chris. Oh, and also because he is a six-foot slice of human perfection. I only came to this conclusion after I saw him interviewed during the Avengers press junket. You would think that someone this gratuitously hot would have the common decency to be super boring and unfunny. Not so. Watch and weep, guys.

chris_prattBoff Chris Pratt: I have this whole boff completely mapped out: Mouse Rat would be playing in the background, we would be cruising the galaxy on his super-sweet space ship, and Champion the three-legged dog would be cheering us on from the sidelines. As if I even need to say it, this boff would be at least 5,000 times better than a Candle in the Wind. 

Kill Chris Hemsworth: Ellen and I have played this game a lot. By "Rush" Ferrari Arrivalswhich I mean that we once spent an entire three-day weekend doing nothing but sitting on a Santa Cruz beach, soaking up those sweet UV’s, and deciding the fate of every single celebrity we could think of. (Seriously, Rick Moranis made an appearance; we were not messing around.) One thing that I learned is that Ellen agonizes over almost all of her kills, and I execute mine with all the cold, detached objectivity of  someone who actually understands that this is, you know, a game. So I’m gonna go ahead and kill off Hemsworth. Not because I don’t think he’s boffable, but because I actually fear the power of his boff. He’s just too much man. And obviously I can’t marry him because Chris Evans and I have an understanding. Sorry Thor. I hope your super hot wife and too-cute baby will be some consolation, however small. 

-Ellen and Whitney

Summer Movie Chutes and Ladders!

I did not end up seeing very many movies this summer. In part, because I’ve just been way too busy having a fun, sexy, Newport Ad summer…

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…And also because I just haven’t been that spoiled with choice. It’s no ancient Chinese secret that this has just not been the summer for movies. I did see a few, though, so I thought I’d play a game of Cinema Chutes and Ladders with some of this summers releases. 

AmazingSpiderman2-WPChute: The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Ok, I’m going to say something that is going to sound kinda mean, but is only meant to be constructive: The entire film felt like a really, outrageously expensive piece of Peter/Gwen fanfic. Oh jeeze, that looks just as mean on paper as it did in my head. But the truth is, when you center the entire script of your Big-Budget Superhero Blockbuster on your leads perpetual game of relationship ping-pong, your story is going to suffer. And suffer it did. Everybody knows that Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield have bananas on/off screen chemistry. Doesn’t mean we want to watch a movie about it.  

Ladder: Edge of Tomorrow

There really are not words to express how little I cared about seeing Tom Cruise’s latest attempt edge-of-tomorrowat career dialysis. I figured it was just another two-hour excuse to eat buttered popcorn, watch Tom gaze steely-eyed into the face of danger, and flirt with his under aged, underwritten leading lady. I’ve probably been more wrong before, but nothing immediately springs to mind. Edge was surprisingly funny, inventive, and (whoa!) kind of female driven. Emily Blunt’s character is allowed to be a hero in her own right, and not just as Cruise’s best girl. Not to mention that this is probably one of my favorite Tom Cruise performances EVER. I mean it. He’s smarmy and self-deprecating, and gives us a compelling hero to root for. 

snowpiercerLadder: Snowpiercer

It’s really is hard for me to put into words how I feel about this movie. If you (understandably) assume that my enthusiasm for this one stems from a longstanding and ever increasing Chris Evans crush, I totally get it. But in reality, once I saw the trailer back in May, I knew I was going to see it one way or another. It just looked so different from anything else we were likely to get this summer. And because I ABSOLUTELY refuse to dole out any spoilers on this one, all I will say is that I walked out of that movie theater shaking. It was disturbing and violent and sad and exciting and (once you got over being disturbed, grossed-out, sad, and excited) pretty funny. Just, go see it. For me. Please. Don’t be a weirdo. Just go. Now. Thank you. 

Ladder: Belle

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This one pretty much has all the makings of a super-cute chick flick: Racism, sexism, capitalism, imperialism. All the isms. Joking (briefly) aside, this movie is balls-to-the-wall wonderful. Also, hey there Sam Reid. We’ve never met before, but I like everything about you. Including, but not limited to, your face, your eyes, your voice, your smile, and your formidable acting chops. The ladies of the American Colonies salute you, sir. 

Keira Knightley and Mark Ruffalo in "Begin Again"Chute: Begin Again

Oh boy. I guess I know where they were trying to go with this one. I mean, it’s like Once, but in New York, right? I guess you lost me when Kira Knightly announced that Frank Sinatra, Stevie Wonder and that song from Casablanca were her guilty pleasures. No. Those are the songs you pretend are your guilty pleasures when a cute boy is going through your iTunes library. Honestly. You know what’s a pleasure to feel guilty about? “Having Fun” by Britney Spears. The only thing you have to feel guilty about is not fooling anyone. 

Ladder: Guardians of the Galaxy

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Every time I try to think of a way this movie could have been better, I get nothin’. Soup to nuts, one of my new favorite movies of all time. Chris Pratt slays the competition in the Most Boffable Man of the Summer 2014 race. And while I loved B Coop as Rocket the Raccoon, I think I prefer him in his 20 piece suits.                                                                                              

screw-you

Kidding. Love you, Coop. 

What do you think? Did I miss any?

Whitney

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Chris Pratt

This is a repeat pick, but after the week… or month that I have had crushing on Chris Pratt, this needed to happen.  If you only knew all the Chris Pratt related posts that I have liked on Tumblr lately, I would be very embarrassed but also proud of my collection.  Also, seeing Guardians of the Galaxy twice in the course of four days  is bound to make a girl a bit obsessive.

I would like to point out that I have been crushing on Chris since before he got in Guardians shape, but of course, Guardians shape has turned this up to 11.  I have loved seeing him in the spotlight, especially since he is this lovable goof that I fell in love with on Parks and Rec.

And now here is an image dump because I couldn’t pick.

Ellen

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And this:

Run-On Sentence Reviews: Guardians of the Galaxy

GuardiansOfTheGalaxy2This run-on sentence review is going to be hard for me to write because I am going to want to use a lot of exclamation marks to express my complete and utter delight and therefore end the sentence but I shall refrain and instead just calmly say that I freaking loved this movie (!!!! I couldn’t help myself) because in my book it doesn’t get much better than a hilarious, epic space odyssey with a killer soundtrack and on top of that, one which stars Chris Pratt but I think my favorite part was that I was expecting Chris Pratt to make me laugh but everyone in this movie was also really funny, one of my biggest surprises being Dave Bautista as Drax, but almost from the word go I was in love with this movie but I may not be the most partial critic because I was bouncing in my seat before the movie even started but I am just so happy that this gamble paid off for Marvel even though I don’t think Marvel ever actually saw it as a gamble but I know more than a few people were a bit skeptical about a lesser known comic featuring a walking talking tree and raccoon but this just goes to prove my point that one should never doubt Marvel because at this point can they do us wrong?

Verdict:  This should be abundantly clear, but, DUH, go see this!! Now! (Judging from box office reports, you already did)

Grade A, Choice Picks: Ellen’s Most Anticipated Movies of Summer 2014

Jake+Johnson+Lets+Cops+Films+LA+lsCPAGbD5qdlSummer, the time for fun in the sun, but more importantly, air conditioned multiplexes.  You can take your beaches and BBQs, I’m all for sequestering myself into dark rooms with strangers and a tub of popcorn. Let’s dive into my top picks for movies to see this summer!

10. Jersey Boys (June 20) I’m a sucker for a good ol’ song and dance routine, especially when it is of the malt-shoppe-doo-woppy variety.  A musical helmed by Clint Eastwood with virtual unknowns has me especially intrigued.

9. Edge of Tomorrow (June 6) This one has had me swayed since I saw the first footage at Comic Con.  It looks like a gritty, sci-fi, Groundhog’s Day and I can get on board with that.

8. Let’s Be Cops (August 13) Movie, you had me at starring Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr.  Also, this is coming out on my birthday.  Happy birthday to me, indeed.

magic-in-the-moonlight-emma-stone-colin-firth7. Magic in the Moonlight (July 25) Yes, yes, Woody Allen is a bit taboo right now, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he makes good movies (most of the time) and that this one stars Emma Stone and Colin Firth.  As an Austenphile, I am contractually obligated to always believe in Colin Firth.

6. The Giver (August 15) File this under “Ellen’s Most Cautiously Anticipated Movies of Summer 2014”.  As someone who loves young adult literature, I am, of course, familiar with the source material here.  The trailer gives me much to worry over in regards to the fidelity, but I can also respect a good adaptation, no matter how unfaithful. The power of Meryl is helping to bolster me.

22-jump-street-red-band-trailer5. 22 Jump Street (June 13) I am sucker for stupid comedies and the previous 21 Jump Street had me hook, line, and sinker.  It was also what convinced me to join the Channing band wagon, because he was funny and that is all it takes with me.

4. Godzilla (May 16) With all due respect to Mr. Jessica Parker, I am excited to see what looks like will be an actually good Godzilla movie.  I also sat in on the Comic Con panel for this one and they talked a lot about how it is less a Godzilla movie and more a character study of people dealing with a Godzilla attack.  Color me excited.

first-official-image-released-from-x-men-days-of-future-past-142959-a-1376897445-470-753. X-Men: Days of Future Past (May 23) The latest trailer has me even more excited for May 23rd.  I love me a good X-Men movie and, Fassbender bonus points aside, this looks like it is going to be good ‘un.  The star power alone should be enough to make it amazeballs.

ebfdbabec18c15c361c93dfc332c852a2. The Fault in Our Stars (June 6) Okay? Okay. This is another adaptation that has me worried, because I am not sure how all of John Green’s amazing book is going to translate to screen, but I am more excited than anything.  Why I am excited to get my cry on, I don’t know, but I am guaranteed a good one.

Zoe-Saldana-Chris-Pratt-and-Dave-Bautista-in-Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-2014-Movie-Image21. Guardians of the Galaxy (August 1) I am taking a leap of faith here, because this could be terrible or too “weird” to find an audience.  But no.  I have faith.  Faith in Marvel and the power of Chris Pratt’s abs, a power that cannot be denied.  Also, hello?  Karen Gillan, Lee Pace, John C. Reilly, and Bradley Cooper as a machine gun toting raccoon?  More than anything, it will be fun to see Marvel work outside of the Avengers.  Don’t make me regret putting you at number one, Marvel.

What has you pumped/nervous?  Let us know in the comments!

Ellen

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Chris Pratt

In case you haven’t noticed, we do not beat around the bush when it comes to our love for Adam Scott.  We love him.  But for our crush this week, I decided to spread the love a little.

In preparation for the new season and because I just got Season 4 on DVD, I have been watching a good amount of Parks and Rec and I have to say that Chris Pratt has been floating my boat.  Admittedly, is it difficult to float said boat?  No.  Here’s the criteria:  make me laugh and … nope, that’s pretty much it.

And Chris Pratt delivers. This man is not afraid to throw himself around or look like a complete fool for the sake of comedy.  Andy may be a bit doofy, but he is lovable and he loves the people around him.  What more can a girl ask for?

Chris Pratt (and Andy) we salute you!  Schaaaa-wing!

– Ellen

(I got caught in a YouTube web.  You’re lucky there are only three)

Get with the Program: Parks and Rec!

The day I heard that Amy Poehler was leaving SNL I literally thought my world was crashing down around me. I mean, the wound Tina Fey’s departure left in my heart was still pretty fresh and I didn’t think I could handle losing my other favorite cast member. So when I heard Poehler was developing a new show for NBC I was both relieved and deeply, deeply concerned. Because honestly, how many cast members have left SNL to pursue other things only to crash, burn, and fade into oblivion? I didn’t take into account, however, that Amy is one talented broad. Not only is her show Parks and Recreation the funniest sitcom on prime time  TV, it also has the most heart. I’m embarrassed by how much I love  this show. Seriously, even just thinking about it now makes me kind of giddy. This one scene, for example, makes me laugh so hard my head hurts…

I believe I can guess what your thinking. “Whitney, you hate The Office, which is basically the same premise as P and R! Whats the deal?” Valid, totally valid. I think what sets Parks apart is that I actually like and care about the characters on the show rather than just cringing and laughing uncomfortably whenever they do or say something stupid, which was my basic reaction to The Office. Case and point: here is a clip of Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt) endearing himself while acting stupid. Michael Scott, eat your heat out.

And I really couldn’t talk about Parks and Rec without mentioning my ever-increasing crush on Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott), the boffable nerd who successfully captured Leslie Knope’s (Amy Poehler) heart last season. And really, what lady could say no to this?…

The message boards aren’t the only ones going nuts, Ben.

I leave you with a clip that Ellen and I quoted for a solid six months. Jean Ralphio, take me there!

-Whitney