Whitney’s Official 2016 Oscar Snubs

There are plenty to choose from, right? Ridley Scott, Star Wars, Michael B. Jordan, Idris Elba. The list of Oscar snubs, as it does every year, goes on. My diplomatic response would be that the Academy simply can’t accommodate and acknowledge all the great work that was churned out this year. My unfiltered Fangirl answer would be, did The Revenant and Fury Road really, really deserve 12 and 10 nominations, respectively? It’s a subject that’s certainly up for debate. But I’m not here to talk about the Academy’s apparent inability to spread the love. No, I would instead like to focus on the few specific snubs that really bring out the Troll in me.

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3) Crimson Peak for Best Cinematography

It’s pretty obvious that this movie wasn’t for everyone. But no matter what you thought about this Guillermo Del Toro horror set in a repressive, Victorian hell-scape, you must admit that it was beautiful to look at. As a genre, though, horror rarely gets any props at the Oscars, mad or otherwise, so this snub wasn’t at all surprising.  I had hoped, however, for some kind of honorable mention. Something like “Best Use of Tom Hiddleston’s Shapely Hind-Parts in a Drama”. Just a suggestion.

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2) JJ Abrams for Best Director

This is mostly wishful thinking. I just hoped that after all  the garbage that has been slung at this genuinely wonderful movie, it might have been recognized with a nom somewhat more meaningful than “Best Film Editing”. JJ Abrams gave us a Star Wars that was steeped in action and humor and nostalgia and feminism, and in return received a whole lot of internet bitching and a truck-load of broken box office records. We audiences are nothing if not inconsistent.

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1) Charlize Theron for Best Actress 

You would think that at least one of the ten nominations doled out to Fury Road would have gone to the performance that made the movie what it was. Theron’s Furiosa was easily the most moving and complex performance in an action movie, well, ever. I bet this pointed snub has left her pretty inconsolable right now.

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See what I mean?

Whitney Weldon

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The Reviews Are In: Crimson Peak

maxresdefaultOf any genre, horror is the hardest to get right. Ask anyone who’s ever tried. It’s nearly impossible to find a subject matter that is universally horrifying, so these movies usually end up being shunted into one of many horror sub-genres: slasher, paranormal, psychological. Because of this, audiences are left to pick their poison, so to speak. So when I tell you that I’ve found a near-perfect horror movie, I invite you to take that seriously.

Which brings me to Crimson Peak. I walked into the movie with no expectations. Not low expectations, but no expectations. None. I intentionally isolated myself from any buzz surrounding this movie, so that I could walk into it fresh. CrimsonPeakChastain

It begins like any Dickensian period piece. Wealthy Edith (Mia Wasikowska) is visited by the ghost of her late mother, and
warned about the dangers of the enigmatic Crimson Peak. As the years go by, Edith forgets the warning and peruses a career as a writer. Her literary aspirations are put on hold, however, when she meets Thomas Sharpe, a titled English gentleman who, as evidenced by his dark hair and habit of lurking in shadowed corners, harbors a secret. Edith is charmed by Thomas and, to a lesser degree, his creepy sister, and agrees to marry him and join him in England. Shortly thereafter, she begins to suspect that her new family has something to hide, and takes it upon herself to figure out what it might be.

crimson_peak_stillFrom the beginning this movie cultivates a looming sense of dread. The film makes overt but effective use of color and shadow (you can distinguish the good guys from the bad guys by their hair color, fashion choices, and total amount of screen time spent having whispered conversations in the shadows). Director Guillermo del Toro took what could have been an overdone concept, Victorian ghosts and decrepit haunted houses, and gives it his own spin. The ghosts are actually terrifying, which isn’t something you see a lot anymore.

Tom Hiddleston is here doing what he does best, heating things up with his now trademark blend of sexy and sinister. Also, for anyone who cares (everyone) you do in fact get to see him naked. And let me tell you, it is just as good as advertised. Jessica Chastain also kills it (wink) as the sister and displaced lady of the house. There is so much to love about this movie, even those of us who aren’t hot for horror will eat it up.

So if you’re looking for a movie that will get you into the Halloween Spirit, look no further. Seriously. Hotel Transylvania 2 can wait for Redbox.

Whitney Weldon

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Tom Hiddleston

tumblr_mtryl1lnEg1rz0ey2o1_500In doing this “Crush of the Week” feature, I often come up with an idea and think, “There is no way we haven’t already done them” or “I love them way too much to have never chosen them”.  Then I search them on the site and to my utter shock an horror, come up with nothing.

This has never been more shocking than when I searched Tom Hiddleston and came up with nothing in the way of crushing.

I have been crushing on Tom for a while and all his Tumblr love has really pushed me over the edge.  The fangirls love them some Tom Hiddleston.  And why shouldn’t they?  He is an adorably charming sexpot with a voice like butter, plus he can dance.

Earlier this week, his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge made women understand the appeal of a good wet T-Shirt contest.

Thank you, England.  Thank you, God.  Whoever is responsible for this.

Ellen

Whitney’s Rom Com MASH Mania!

cluelessBeing a twenty-something undergrad with no marketable skills and a crippling TV habit can have a lot of fun upsides (all day Joss Whedon marathons, low-budget Oscar parties, a staggering collection of Doctor Who merch). Low-paying menial jobs are not one of them. Luckily, I found a way to numb the drudgery without ever having to resort to pills or after work fight clubs. I call it RASH, or Rom Com MASH. It combines all the randomized fortune-telling nonsense of a MASH game with the Romantic Comedy tropes we know and love, effectively allowing you to build your own rom com. Allow me to demonstrate:

1) First list your possible Leading Men

  • Christian Slater
  • James Van Der Beek
  • Tom Hiddleston
  • Chris Evans
  • Adam Scottwhat's your number anna ferris 615

2) Next list your character’s possible career. This is important because it tells your audience what kinda gal you are without requiring any actual character development. For the purposes of this example, I’m going for the ol’ Driven-But-Emotionally-Unfulfilled-Career-Woman. Classic.

  • High ranking magazine editor
  • Journalism student looking for her big break in the big city
  • talented cardiac surgeon who needs someone to work on her heart
  • you get the idea

3) Now think up some possible Meet Cutes. Decide how you and your squeeze first meet.

  • Oh no! You try to hail the same cab in the rain
  • You are mismatched co-workers in a very cramped office space
  • you both are chosen to fight for your lives in a dystopian death match in post-apocalyptic America (my personal favorite)

010213_1458_WhateverHap1This process can go on for a while. Who’s going to play your spunky BFF? What’s your movie’s theme song? What’s your Box Office take? Once you’ve got your categories lined up, all that is left to do is play! Believe me, if you are a cinephile with a lot of time on your hands, this is your game. Share your results in our comment section!

Whitney

MBK: Mr. Darcy, Mr. Tilney, and Captain Wentworth

The line between reality and television continues to blur as we bring you the next round of our never-ending game of Marry, Boff, Kill! This week we will be deciding the fates of our three favorite Jane Austen heroes: Henry Tilney (JJ Feild), Fitzwilliam Darcy (Colin Firth, duh), and Captain Frederick Wentworth (Rupert Penry Jones).

Whitney’s Answers:

jj-feild-henry-tilney-in-northanger-abbey-2008-x-350Marry Henry Tilney– I have not felt this kind of passion for a leading man since my Brendan Fraser phase in the late 90’s. And it’s not just because JJ Feild looks like Tom Hiddleston’s cooler older brother. Mr. Tilney embodies everything I look for in a man: funny, smart, gainfully employed, and wears breeches like he’s doing them a favor. Also, he seems like the most fun out of the three, a quality we value highly here at Fangirly. Right after raw animal magnetism, of course.

Mr. Darcy Colin FirthBoff Mr. Darcy- This is more of an obligatory boff, because my mother taught me that a lady must always boff Mr. Darcy, should the opportunity ever present itself. Also, Colin Firth is to sex appeal what Honda’s are to resale value: he never loses it.

tumblr_lj5wo4c7jA1qawq3lo1_400Kill Cap. Wentworth- For a while, Darcy and Wentworth were neck and neck for the coveted ‘boff’ position, until I remembered the horrific kissing scene at the end of the otherwise incredible drama Persuasion.

Really Captain, if it takes you that long to seal the deal on a kiss, I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go. And, judging from what I just saw, I’d probably be putting you out of your misery.

Ellen’s Answers:

tilneyMarry Mr. Tilney – Well, at least Whitney and I can agree on something and that is the utter eligibility of one Mr. Henry Tilney.  This guy has it all, old school chivalry with all the modern sensibilities of charm, humor, and how to impress a lady by sharing her taste in entertainment (at least that works for me).  Mr. Tilney as portrayed by JJ Feild is even more marriage-worthy (Neve Campbell knows where it’s at).  While Mr. Darcy may have been my first Austen crush, my gateway hero, if you will, I’m sticking around for Mr. Tilney and his winning charm.

WentworthBoff Mr. Wentworth – I blame that kiss entirely on Anne.  He is letting her take the reins (even more hot). And have you SEEN him?!  He is described on the special features as being “sex on legs” and never will that  moniker be more appropriately applied.  But, Rupert Penry-Jones’ beguiling visage aside, Wentworth is a navy man and is probably accustomed to a quickie before leaving port. Wentworth is far too much of a gentleman to have been swayed by such temptations in the past, but in this MBK scenario, I would be that temptation.  And he would be scurvy and syphilis free, of course.

Colin-Firth-as-Mr-Darcy-mr-darcy-683507_1024_576Kill Mr. Darcy– As most of my “kills” do, this one kills me.  As I mentioned, Darcy was my first  love, but this Austen-lover has grown up and realized that she is looking for more than brawn with sideburns swimming in a lake.  I need someone with a little more personality.  Yeah, that house is hard to turn down, but who would want to clean that thing, or even oversee cleaning that thing?