Double Chim Chim: A 2021 Birthday Ode to Ellen

Whit looked upon, with growing fright

As summer came a’knocking

Ellen’s birthday poem she soon must write,

Or the gossip t’would be shocking

But how capture, with word or rhyme,

A woman quite like Ellen?

To undersell would be a crime,

And Whitney would turn felon

So Whit, sunk low with writers woes,

Did aught she knew to do

She turned to Ellen’s TV beaus

In hopes they’d have a clue

The Duke was first up to the bat

His time for service came

But all he could do was smoulder at

Mere mention of Ellen’s name

Roy Kent was next, fresh from the pitch

With sex appeal to spare

But Ellen had him so bewitched

He turned into a square

For Jamie, Whitney’s hopes were higher,

But all he could do was sing

To a seagull on a tire

And sand with his toes did fling

Whitney cried up to the sky

“Oh what am I to do?

I need a helpful TV guy

And I’ve talked to quite a few!”

Ted Lasso had a clever scheme,

When he heard Whit’s mournful prayer

“Let Ellen know you’re on her team,

Just tell her that you care.”

“Oh, shut up Ted!” Our Whitney said,

And turned to the Mischief God

“Help me, Loki,” she desperately plead,

“I need to wow this broad!”

He said, “This time I think I must assent,

With that gleeful mustache, there

Your answer isn’t a TV gent

But the love you and Ellen share.”

So here’s my birthday wish to you

Dear Ellen, friend and cousin,

I hope your birthday dreams come true

By the bakers dozen

I hope it’s clear to you by now,

I don’t write this on a whim

I had a need to tell you how

You’re the double Chim Chim

Love, Whitney

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