Marry, Boff, Kill: The Boys of Civil War (Ellen’s Answers)

Last week, Whitney challenged me to a round of our favorite game and yours, Marry, Boff, Kill, with this round focusing on the supporting cast of Captain America: Civil War.  Whitney is notorious for always getting this wrong, so let’s delve into the CORRECT answers.

Marry Falcon

Of course you marry Sam Wilson.  The guy is quick with the one-liners, he’s an American hero who served this country with honor, and I reckon he is always willing to bust out the wings for a quick trip to the grocery store when I forgot milk.  What more could a girl ask for?

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Boff Black Panther

Black Panther is the obvious choice here because he is the only one who is a guaranteed animal in the sack.  ‘Nuff said.

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Kill Bucky Barnes

…Even though just the thought of it kills me.  He’s just far too brooding and complicated for this carefree, easygoing gal.  Also,  after the revelations in Civil War I think that it is safe to say that Buck is dealing with emotional baggage that he would rather forget.  I’m considering this a merciful killing.  Say hi to Peggy for me.

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Ellen Lloyd

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Marry, Boff, Kill: The Boys of Civil War (Whitney’s Answers)

I know, I totally get it. Too much Civil War. I give you, here and now, my promise that I will consider, potentially, at a later date, eventually contemplate posting about other things. Maybe. But this billion-dollar-summer-blockbuster-snowball just keeps getting bigger, so we are going to ride this out with our very own Civil War edition of Marry, Boff, Kill! Our contestants are Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther, Sebastian Stan as The Winter Soldier, and Anthony Mackie as Falcon. And for once, Ellen, I want a clean fight. (Psych! I’m planning to draw blood). So without further ado…

Marry Black Panther

Pros: a (bananas) sexy scientist

happens to be king of a sovereign nation

moonlights as a superhero.

Cons: none to speak of.

Conclusion: yes please.

200 (18)

Boff Falcon

Mama always said, when looking for someone with whom you can share a casual, mind-blowing sexual encounter, look for a sense of humor.

200 (16)

So if my mama asks, I find Anthony Mackie’s butt hilarious.

Kill Bucky Barnes 

The right sequence of words turns him into a one-man kill squad. I never stop talking. Murphy’s Law pretty much guarantees that I’m going to inadvertently turn Bucky Barnes into a metal-armed death machine. We’re… not a good fit.

200 (14)

Whitney Weldon

 

 

Marry Boff Kill: New Fall 2014 TV Shows

You may not have noticed, but we love TV here at Fangirly.  Like, love love.  So much so that I attachments I form to my shows are lasting and real.  I thought I might try and predict which shows I want to spend my life with/have a one-night stand with/give the axe.

Marry:

gothamGotham – As Whitney so perfectly summed up yesterday, this show has some things working against, but from where I sit, it is one of the most promising of this new crop of shows.  I’m a little hesitant to tie myself to a show that is almost exclusively comprised of villains as that may get trying, but i have faith in the human decency of Baby Commissioner Gordon.

marry meMarry Me – Do you know what else I have faith in?  The creative team behind Happy Endings.  Comedies always take a bit longer to find their groove, so even if I am not sold on this one within the first few episodes, I am going to stick with it.  I initially gave up on Happy Endings after the first couple of episodes.  It makes me weep to think about how I was part of the problem.  I will not do the same thing to this show.  If only for the possibility that someday the whole cast of Happy Endings will guest star as Wilson’s old college friends or something.  Have I mentioned that I love Happy Endings?

the flashThe Flash – Those smarty-pants at DC Comics and The CW know how to guarantee an audience for a new show.  Just air a back door pilot during a show that already has a rabid fan base and then guarantee crossover episodes for years to come so that said fan base has no choice but to also watch the new show.  I also saw this pilot at Comic Con and it promises to be a fun, poppy, comic book romp.

Boff:

janethevirgin_pilot_1_1200_article_story_largeJane the Virigin – I am not just picking this because it is humorous to boff the “virgin show”. Back when the promo for this show came out, it would have gotten a kill, but early buzz is pretty good with great reviews for star Gina Rodriguez and it is not too hard to convince me to watch a sweet CW show.

Mulaney – Please be good, Mulaney, please be good.  There is a lot riding on this one for me.  If it is good, I will get a weekly dose of John Mulaney’s patented blend of dorky, pop culture infused stand up.  If it is bad, I will cry.  The multi-cam format with a laugh track has me worried but I am trying to be optimistic.

gracepointGracepoint – I haven’t yet gotten around to watching the UK source material, Broadchurch, but I feel like that may work in my favor for this US version.  Bonus boffability points for David Tennant with an American accent. I’m weirdly into it.

Kill:

selfieSelfie –  There is so much here that I want to like.  I mean, Karen Gillan in a My Fair Lady retelling?  What’s not to like? I don’t know but this looks kind of stupid.

Scorpion – CBS hammered the final nail in this show’s coffin when it obnoxiously self-promoted on my beloved Big Brother.  Stay out of my trashy television!

Cristela – This show seems to be cashing in on the ethnically-diverse-female-who-pokes-fun-at-her-weight card that Mindy is already working.

 

Ellen

 

Marry Boff Kill: Marvel Chrises

Marvel sure does have a thing for casting a Chris as a superhero, but who can blame them when their picks are Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, and Chris Pratt.  In continuing with our never ending game of Marry, Boff, Kill, we are (quite happily) taking on these Marvel Chrises.  Bring it on, boys.

Ellen’s Answers:

Gamora in the back?  My look for hubby Chris Pratt

Gamora in the back? My look for my hubby, Chris Pratt

Marry Chris Pratt: By far my easiest MBK decision yet.  Listen, my number one quality always has been and always be a sense of humor, so cast member from Parks and Recreation?  Yes, that should do nicely.  That he also comes in the package of Chris Pratt? That should do very nicely.  And no, it doesn’t matter if we are talking Chris Pratt in Guardians shape or Parks season 2-3 shape.  I have always loved him.

Must. Not. Use. "Hammer" euphemism.

Must. Not. Use. “Hammer” euphemism.

Boff Chris Hemsworth: I don’t think I need to defend my answer, but in defense of my answer, I recently saw Chris Hemsworth at Comic Con and I’m pretty sure my ovaries literally reached out to him (TMI? Meh, whatever), so I feel like they would be angry if I didn’t take this opportunity to boff him. Like this is a likely scenario.  Oof, just the thought of it is too much for me to handle.

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Don’t cry, Cap.

Kill Chris Evans: This does depress me, but one of them had to go.  Considering that it wasn’t really until Winter Soldier that I boarded Chris Evans Express, I am left having to mercilessly sacrifice him to the MBK gods.

Whitney’s Answers: 

Ellen, you smart, strong, sensual Dill-weed. As per ushe, you have completely bunged this up. Sit back before you hurt yourself. I got this. 008~94

Marry Chris Evans: Logistically, he is the most sensible “marry” choice, as he is the only unwedded Chris. Oh, and also because he is a six-foot slice of human perfection. I only came to this conclusion after I saw him interviewed during the Avengers press junket. You would think that someone this gratuitously hot would have the common decency to be super boring and unfunny. Not so. Watch and weep, guys.

chris_prattBoff Chris Pratt: I have this whole boff completely mapped out: Mouse Rat would be playing in the background, we would be cruising the galaxy on his super-sweet space ship, and Champion the three-legged dog would be cheering us on from the sidelines. As if I even need to say it, this boff would be at least 5,000 times better than a Candle in the Wind. 

Kill Chris Hemsworth: Ellen and I have played this game a lot. By "Rush" Ferrari Arrivalswhich I mean that we once spent an entire three-day weekend doing nothing but sitting on a Santa Cruz beach, soaking up those sweet UV’s, and deciding the fate of every single celebrity we could think of. (Seriously, Rick Moranis made an appearance; we were not messing around.) One thing that I learned is that Ellen agonizes over almost all of her kills, and I execute mine with all the cold, detached objectivity of  someone who actually understands that this is, you know, a game. So I’m gonna go ahead and kill off Hemsworth. Not because I don’t think he’s boffable, but because I actually fear the power of his boff. He’s just too much man. And obviously I can’t marry him because Chris Evans and I have an understanding. Sorry Thor. I hope your super hot wife and too-cute baby will be some consolation, however small. 

-Ellen and Whitney

Marry Boff Kill: YA Fiction Edition

If you are wondering why two non-psycho, full-grown dames would actually spend time reading Young Adult fiction, let alone deciding who among YA babe pool  they would marry, boff, or kill, then you are not alone.  At the risk of only further worrying our moms, we decided to bring you our MBK picks for our three favorite YA heroes: Ethan (Beautiful Creatures), Peeta (The Hunger Games), and Four (Divergent).

Whitney’s Answers:

josh_hutcherson_as_peeta_mellarkMarry Peeta: Two words: job security. Peeta is a BAKER in a post-apocalyptic police state where 90% of the population are two reapings away from gnawing off their own fingers. Even if he wasn’t totally dunked in Victor swag, he could pretty much guarantee me a lifetime of rolling in dough (pun fully intended). Also, this kid has been sent to almost-certain death twice now, and I think he finally deserves a pass. Guess what Peets’, the odds are finally in your favor!c654bf54d499db03330d9ff31f69d8b5

 

Boff Ethan: Hot? Check. Eager to please? Evidently. High School Graduate? Well, two out of three isn’t bad.

 

DIVERGENTKill Four: How do you like that, Ells? I’m gonna kill your YA soul-mate. I think this finally makes up for the time you let me make a total jag of myself in front of Zachary Levi at Comic-Con 2011.

 

 

Ellen’s Answers:

Whitney has this so clearly wrong that it is disconcerting.  I will be contacting the authorities after I am done writing my answers.

FourMarry Four:  The beautiful Theo James aside (look at how introspective he is), I have always loved Four (I have serious hang ups with name Tobias, so he is always Four to me).  When you read the books, you don’t even have to physically see him to know that he is a babe, you know?  He’s a Man, with a capital “M”, but he doesn’t take anything away from Tris.  You then throw Theo James in the mix and it is just the cherry on top.  The charming, delicious, delectable cherry on top.

eathanBoff Ethan: This is based on the following 1) I can’t both boff AND marry Four, so I chose to boff him 24/7, because that is how I imagine our marriage.  TMI?  I don’t care.  2) The makeout scenes between Ethan and Lena were hotter than those between Peeta and Katniss.  I get it Hunger Games was about more than making out, blah blah blah.  Social class warfare matters very little in this game of Marry Boff Kill, that should be clear by now.
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 Kill Peeta:  Look, I am Team Peeta before I am Team Gale, but I am also not a card-carrying member of Team Peeta.  I just prefer my YA heroes with a little bit more of a “take charge” attitude.  Frosting oneself to look like a tree does not qualify in my book.

 

Who got it right? Who got it wrong?  Who is reporting us to our respective local authorities?

Whitney and Ellen

MBK: Ben Wyatt, Shawn Spencer, and Damon Salvatore

This weeks Marry Boff Kill is perhaps the most contentious in recorded history. We will be deciding the fates of three of TV’s handsomest men: Ben Wyatt (Parks and Rec), Shawn Spencer (Psych), and Damon Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries).

936full-james-rodayWhitney’s Answers:

Marry Shawn Spencer: Anyone who doesn’t think that Shawn is marriage material is an old sponge with hair hanging off of it. He’s funny, self-employed, and he kinda looks like a young Andrew Lincoln. Also, because Shawn and his BFF Gus are something of a package deal, I would be getting two smokin’ hot men for the price of one. To not take that deal, I would have to be just like Topher Grace walking on the beach at the end of In Good Company.

Parks and Recreation - Season 4Boff Ben Wyatt: Is it ethical to boff someone out of curiosity? I mean, we know Damon can boff with the best of them, and Shawn has a long-standing reputation as a ladies man, but Ben Wyatt is something of a mystery. So  I’d boff him, you know, just to see what the deal is. Does that sound slutty? I’m sure my mother will let me know.

abbs-abs-damon-salvatore-dance-hot-Favim.com-118663Kill Damon Salvatore: I really have no problem killing Damon because he is a lead character on a show that is notorious for killing people and bringing them back to life. I’m pretty sure that the writers of VD will think of some supernatural plot device that will have him up  and dancing on that banister again in no time.

 

 

 

Ellen’s Answers:

Whitney, you ignorant slut.  This is the only real course of action…

parks-and-rec-benMarry Ben Wyatt:  Ben Wyatt has all the qualities that this girl looks for in a mate.  Namely, that he would be a most faithful, lifelong Comic Con companion. I would support him in his every endeavor, whether they be lackluster claymaish shorts or his Low Cal Calzone Zone.  We would enjoy nights of Game of Thrones viewings and lively debates on the value of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  How can a real fangirl not marry this fellow nerd?  Ben Wyatt, I like you and I love you.

tvddamonemotionsnotextBoff Damon Salvatore:  Whitney, you shock and amaze me.  How can you post your above picture of the infamous bannister dance and NOT boff Mr. Salvatore?  And look at that cock of the eyebrow.  I could never resist.  I think I can safely say that if Damon Salvatore is ever in a round of Marry Boff Kill, he is always the ONLY option for boffing.  I don’t want to marry into all that broody, self-loathing, immortality.  But a night of passionate vampire boffing?  Check, please.

NUP_135034_0102Kill Shawn Spencer:  As is the case with most killings in this game, this one grieves me.  I love Shawn Spencer and a life with him would one full of laughter and adventure.  But… he’s also a manchild and this girl likes men.  While I take much joy from watching his childish antics every week (or when USA deigns to air this show every six months to a year), I don’t think I would want a lifetime of them.

Who got it right?  What are your answers?

– Whitney and Ellen

MBK: Mr. Darcy, Mr. Tilney, and Captain Wentworth

The line between reality and television continues to blur as we bring you the next round of our never-ending game of Marry, Boff, Kill! This week we will be deciding the fates of our three favorite Jane Austen heroes: Henry Tilney (JJ Feild), Fitzwilliam Darcy (Colin Firth, duh), and Captain Frederick Wentworth (Rupert Penry Jones).

Whitney’s Answers:

jj-feild-henry-tilney-in-northanger-abbey-2008-x-350Marry Henry Tilney– I have not felt this kind of passion for a leading man since my Brendan Fraser phase in the late 90’s. And it’s not just because JJ Feild looks like Tom Hiddleston’s cooler older brother. Mr. Tilney embodies everything I look for in a man: funny, smart, gainfully employed, and wears breeches like he’s doing them a favor. Also, he seems like the most fun out of the three, a quality we value highly here at Fangirly. Right after raw animal magnetism, of course.

Mr. Darcy Colin FirthBoff Mr. Darcy- This is more of an obligatory boff, because my mother taught me that a lady must always boff Mr. Darcy, should the opportunity ever present itself. Also, Colin Firth is to sex appeal what Honda’s are to resale value: he never loses it.

tumblr_lj5wo4c7jA1qawq3lo1_400Kill Cap. Wentworth- For a while, Darcy and Wentworth were neck and neck for the coveted ‘boff’ position, until I remembered the horrific kissing scene at the end of the otherwise incredible drama Persuasion.

Really Captain, if it takes you that long to seal the deal on a kiss, I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go. And, judging from what I just saw, I’d probably be putting you out of your misery.

Ellen’s Answers:

tilneyMarry Mr. Tilney – Well, at least Whitney and I can agree on something and that is the utter eligibility of one Mr. Henry Tilney.  This guy has it all, old school chivalry with all the modern sensibilities of charm, humor, and how to impress a lady by sharing her taste in entertainment (at least that works for me).  Mr. Tilney as portrayed by JJ Feild is even more marriage-worthy (Neve Campbell knows where it’s at).  While Mr. Darcy may have been my first Austen crush, my gateway hero, if you will, I’m sticking around for Mr. Tilney and his winning charm.

WentworthBoff Mr. Wentworth – I blame that kiss entirely on Anne.  He is letting her take the reins (even more hot). And have you SEEN him?!  He is described on the special features as being “sex on legs” and never will that  moniker be more appropriately applied.  But, Rupert Penry-Jones’ beguiling visage aside, Wentworth is a navy man and is probably accustomed to a quickie before leaving port. Wentworth is far too much of a gentleman to have been swayed by such temptations in the past, but in this MBK scenario, I would be that temptation.  And he would be scurvy and syphilis free, of course.

Colin-Firth-as-Mr-Darcy-mr-darcy-683507_1024_576Kill Mr. Darcy– As most of my “kills” do, this one kills me.  As I mentioned, Darcy was my first  love, but this Austen-lover has grown up and realized that she is looking for more than brawn with sideburns swimming in a lake.  I need someone with a little more personality.  Yeah, that house is hard to turn down, but who would want to clean that thing, or even oversee cleaning that thing?