Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

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Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

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But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

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The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

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Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

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Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

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But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

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And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

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So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

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Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

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Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

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That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

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Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

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Whitney

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Cinema Chutes and Ladders: Summer 2015

It’s August and that means that the summer box office has begun it’s inevitable cool-down. We’re here to give you our take on a few of this summer’s biggest releases and speculate on a few late season stragglers. It’s time for another edition of Cinema Chutes and Ladders!

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Avengers: Age of Ultron (May 1)

There’s been a lot of talk lately about Marvel Fatigue and the over-saturation of comic book movies. In response I’d like to say, um, boo hoo? What a bummer for audiences that this production studio is churning out these pretty consistently good films that make people excited to go to the movies. The nerve. I, for one, really enjoyed Age of Ultron.  It gave me everything I needed from an Avenger movie, like good character moments, and solid performances, and…

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Chris Evans chopping wood. Can’t forget about that.

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tom-hardy-as-max-in-mad-max-fury-roadMad Max: Fury Road (May 15)

I wasn’t sold on Fury Road when it was announced last year; I prefer studios to spend their time developing something original rather than rebooting a franchise that flamed out thirty years ago. So you can imagine my surprise when this turned out to be not only one of the best, but in many way one of the most original, summer release. Fingers crossed for a Nux spin-off, am I right?

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Jurassic World (June 12)JURASSIC-WORLD-15-1940x1042

I gave Jurassic World an initial good review that I stand by. But when this movie is taken into context with all the other summer releases, it’s definitely one of the weaker links in the cinematic chain. It was fun, but not much more than that.

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Trainwreck (July 7)

The alternate title of this movie was How Whitney Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Amy Schumer.

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Marvel's Ant-Man..Scott Lang/Ant-Man (Paul Rudd)..Photo Credit: Zade Rosenthal..? Marvel 2014

Ant-Man (July 7)

I had one hope for this movie. I only asked that I could make it though Ant-Man‘s 117 minute run-time without hearing the phrase “why don’t you pick on somebody your own size”. I did not get that wish.

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Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (July 31)

It’s really easy for me to forget what an amazing franchise Mission Impossible has been, until I’m confronted with yet another off-the-chain installment of said franchise. In other news, Rebecca Ferguson is my official Girl Crush of 2015. Crossfit has clearly served her well.

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Ladder

The Gift (August 8)

From watching the trailer of The Gift, starring Joel Edgerton, Jason Bateman, and Rebecca Hall, I catch whiffs of Single While Female and Fatal Attraction. Since we haven’t seen too many psychological thrillers this season, I’m interested to see how this one shakes out. For now, I’m calling it a ladder based on casting alone.

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Fantastic Four (August 8)first-fantastic-four-trailer-arrives-online_vbew.1920

So Twentieth Century Fox, your plan was to take a quartet of inherently ridiculous superheroes whose attempts at film success has nose-dived not once, but twice, and make them grittier? Good call. Hey, maybe next you could remake The King and I as a raunchy sex comedy.

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Dark-Places-Movie-2015-starring-Charlize-Theron-and-Nicholas-HoultDark Places (August 8)

Probably capitalizing on the success of Gillian Flynn’s last film adaptation, Gone Girl, is a movie that looks stylistically and thematically very similar. Hey, if it’s half a bananas the trailer implies, you can sign me up.

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Man From U.N.C.L.E. (August 14)maxresdefault

Henry Cavill, why must we always do this? You insist on looking balls-to-the-wall sexy and I’m sent into a celebrity crush tailspin. Do you know how hard it is to live like this? DO YOU!?

Whitney

Grade A, Choice Picks: Ellen’s Most Anticipated Movies of Summer 2015

Maybe you can’t tell from this blog, but I am a bit of an indoor kid, so I will be spending most of summer bingeing “crap” television (i.e. amazing television) and going to the movies.  Granted, the “official” summer movie season has already begun and at least three movies that would have made this list have already come out: Avengers: Age of Ultron (awesome), Pitch Perfect 2 (fun), and Mad Max: Fury Road (epic awesomeness).  But I’m getting the list out before June, which seems like the actual start of summer, so cut me some slack.

Honorable Mentions: Vacation (July 29), Magic Mike XXL (July 1), Dope (June 19), Mr. Holmes (July 17), Paper Towns (July 24), Minions (July 10), The Fantastic Four (August 7)

masterminds10. Masterminds (August 19) Not a lot out for this one yet, but a movie starring Zach Galifianakis and Kristen Wiig as bank robbers and Jason Sudeikis with a ‘stache?  That will at least guarantee a good time even if it ends up not being any good.

9. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (August 7) The trailer for this Sundance darling just dropped this week and it seems to be my brand of quirky and weird.  I am also a sucker for a good coming of age summer movie.  I am not going to even touch the skeevy Alexander Skarsgard, even if I may want to with some degree of shame.

8.  Spy (June 5) The track record of Paul Feig and Melissa McCarthy teaming up for a summer comedy is pretty stellar and I am quite excited to see a comedic Jason Statham and Jude Law.  The summer season is not a place for your broody period dramas.  Give me a lot big action sequences or a lot laughs and I’m happy.  I get both with this one.

n-MISSION-IMPOSSIBLE-ROGUE-NATION-large5707. Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation (July 31) Little bit about my family, my dad is a pilot and any time there is a plane in a movie, he is bound to be complaining about the inaccuracies.  Any time I see that trailer with Tom Cruise hanging off the side of that plane, I can hear my dad screaming in my head.  The M:I movies may be a bit inaccurate, but they are always a good time.

6. Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (June 12) I recently went to an even where they were handing out promotional items for this movie.  I was quite pleased to be intrigued by the trailer for the movie that is plastered on my new towel and beach chair.  Another quirky coming of age story (see number 9).

5. Jurassic World (June 12) If you know me at all, it will come a surprise that I am putting Chris Pratt at number five, but even the glory of Chris Pratt leading a pack of velociraptors apparently couldn’t surpass my excitement for the top 4.

manfromuncle4. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (August 14) Guy Ritchie movies tend to have a particular cool vibe that speaks to me and this one looks even more fun than most.  The movie looks good, but do you know what looks really good?  Henry Cavill.

3. Inside Out (June 19) Even better than Paul Feig and Melissa McCarthy’s track record is Pixar’s.  A Pixar movie fronted by Amy Poehler about a teen girl’s emotions is sure to be an Ellen-pleaser if maybe not a crowd-pleaser, but it will probably be a crowd-pleaser, too.

2.  Ant-Man (July 17) I feel like I can just leave it at “Paul Rudd in a Marvel movie”, but I’ll try to say a little more.  The movie may have a bit of a storied production process, but remember that at this same time last year everybody was referring to Guardians of the Galaxy as “that Marvel space movie”.

trainwreck-trailer-pic1. Trainwreck (July 17) Bit of a disclaimer: I recently binge watched all of Inside Amy Schumer, so I am on a bit of Amy Schumer kick.  The movie is also getting some good buzz from it’s SXSW premiere.  At this point in my life, Amy Schumer and Bill Hader in a romantic comedy is probably going to be number one in my book, so I just went ahead and put it at number one.

Ellen

Web Bytes: Tonight Show Lip Sync Battle with Paul Rudd

This week has been rough.  I inadvertently made a twelve-year-old boy cry in public (a proud moment for both of us). I just realized that my library books are so overdue, I think it might be punishable by law. And, the cherry, I read that Kim and Kanye may have to call off their wedding, for which we’ve all been breathlessly waiting. HOW MUCH MORE CAN THE HUMAN SPIRIT ENDURE? Anyway, whenever I turn this particular shade of blue, I like to watch clips of The Tonight Show to remind me of how beautiful the human experience can be. Ladies and probably more ladies, I give you the Tonight Show lip synch battle with Paul Rudd.

And because I am a generous soul…

-Whitney

 

Run-On Sentence Reviews: Admission

admissionI went into this thinking “Tina Fey and Paul Rudd, my girlfriend and boyfriend in one movie, what could possibly go wrong?” and while nothing necessarily went wrong, per se, there wasn’t anything that went crazy right either and that left me a little sad inside because while Paul Rudd was adorable as ever this was pretty much my dream team cast and it didn’t live up to expectations but I would recommend that if you go see it to know that it is NOT a comedy but more of a drama with somewhat humorous moments because everyone I went with was expecting it to be a laugh a minute and that will only lead to extreme disappointment.

Verdict: Meh.  You can wait for Redbox.

Ellen

Awards by the Minute: Golden Globes

Join me, as I get angry, joyous, and ambivalent over the course of an entire award ceremony.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show0:00 Guys, not going to lie, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey have a lot to live up to for this old girl.  But given how much I love them and anything that comes out of their mouths, I’m sure they will deliver.

0:01 Off to a great start: “Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.”

0:02 When you run afoul of the Hollywood Foreign Press, they make you host this show two more times.

0:03 Ooooh, James Cameron burn goes over swimmingly and will probably be the edgiest burn of the night.  “I have not been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty, but I’m going to trust the lady who was married to James Cameron.”

0:04 Provin’ me wrong:  “Anne Hathaway, I have not seen anyone left alone and abandoned like that since you did the Oscars with James Franco.”

0:05 And the award for Joke only Liz Lemon could have written goes to: “The Hunger Games was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress,” “Ang Lee’s been nominated for Best Director for Life of Pi, which is what I’m going to call the six weeks after I take this dress off!”

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show0:05 Quentin Tarantino is coincidentally the star of all my sexual nightmares, as well Tina.  This is why I love her.

0:06 I loved Meryl Streep in The Flu, everyone is raving about it.

0:07 Also, it needs to addressed how smoking my ladies are looking.

0:08 They have to cut away from Lea Michele before she says something really bratty about Kate Hudson’s dress (which would not be completely unfounded). globes090-3_4_rx512_c380x510

0:09 Christoph Waltz gets Best Supporting Actor in a Film and I am actually someone surprised.  Everyone is saying Tommy Lee Jones is a lock, but Waltz’ performance is something to behold.

0:12 How did Hayden Pannetierre get nominated?  She is good at best. I was expecting less, so that is saying something.

0:13 Will Maggie Smith ever NOT win for Downton Abbey?

0:17 I have to admit, that mini-series and TV movie categories are always my blind spot, but I do want to see The Hour.  Shocker: Game Change wins.

0:21 Oh my gosh, please tell me that Amy and Tina are going to be sitting in the crowd all night as fake nominees.  Please, Golden Globes!

0:23 And here to remind a Hollywood that has become increasingly obsessed with musicals that she can sing: Catherine Zeta-Jones!

0:30 You can hear America tuning out as the HFPA president is announced, but she is actually quite cute and funny and hits on Bradley Cooper, so we have that in common.

0:31 Oh, hey, lifetime crush Paul Rudd.

damian-lewis0:32 I do not watch Homeland, but I love Damien Lewis so much from Band of Brothers and this really random adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing that he did, that I am always happy to see him win anything.  So charming.

0:35 Only Paul Rudd can make technical difficulties charming.  And apparently I need to watch Homeland.

0:42 Pretty cool that they got the real Tony Medez (Argo) there even if you couldn’t hear anything he said.

0:46 You guys, how adorable is Ang Lee?

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show0:47 Is there any way that Adele is not going to win this?  Not necessarily that she deserves it more, but just because she was Adele in 2012?

0:49 You guys, how adorable is Adele?  Really, though.

0:55 I don’t think it will happen, but Benedict Cumbatch SHOULD win for Sherlock.

0:56 YES! They are doing the fake nominees for all of the acting categories it seems.  This bodes well.  But NO! Benedict didn’t get it.

0:58 Of course, Bill Clinton gets a standing ovation at the Golden Globes.

1:01 “That was Hillary Clinton’s husband!” Amy would say that.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show1:02 Thank goodness we have SNL alum like Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig to liven this thing up.

1:06 Winners for best presenters of the night, so for, but probably for the night: Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig.  “YOU GET OUT OF HERE!”

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show1:07 Jennifer Lawrence’s really should mention that she beat Meryl because that is an achievement at the Globes.  And she is getting the award for most charming speech, so far.

1:13 You guys, how adorable is John Krasinski?

1:15 For award that is shocking no one: Anne Hatheway (but she does deserve it)70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show

1:17 You guys, how adorable is Sally Field?

1:24 Shocked by the love for Django Unchained.  Not that it is completely unfounded, just unexpected.

1:26 You guys, how adorable is Ewan McGregror?

1:28 In typical HFPA fashion, Don Cheadle wins just for being Don Cheadle and not for actually being a good show.

1:34  Arnold and Sly are BOTH pretty hard to understand.  Don’t take steroids, kids.

1:38 Homeland is sweeping.  Okay, I get it.  I’ll watch this stupid show.

1:45 Somewhat of a strange intro for the Animated Feature Film category.

1:49 All of my dreams are coming true.  Jason Bateman carried Aziz Ansari out on stage.

1:51 The Take That, Will Arnett Award goes to: Amy Poehler chatting it up with George Clooney when her name was announced.  I was dying.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show1:53 Amy should have won, but don’t get me started on the HFPA’s utter disregard for Parks and Rec

1:59 Warning Taylor Swift to stay away for Michael J. Fox is actually quite sage advice.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show 2:02 Did anybody else feel out of the loop during Robert Downey Jr.’s presentation of Jodie Foster’s Cecil B. DeMille Award?

2:04 You guys, the glee that I had at seeing Bugsy Malone on Jodie Foster’s reel is unparalleled.  (Look it up, kids).

2:11 I’m sorry, but I don’t get why everyone was teary eyed by the end of Jodie Foster’s speech.  She seemed somewhat the manic, crazy person, no?

2:17 For Biggest F You to the Academy:  Ben Affleck for director of Argo, after not getting nominated for the Oscar.  (Don’t get me started.)

2:22 Loved Jimmy Fallon trying to push Jay Leno out of The Tonight Show.

2:23 The Award that Should Have Been Parks and Rec’s:  Girls for Best Comedy (Don’t get me started)

2:32 I really wanted Bradley Cooper to win Best Actor – Comedy or Musical.  He deserves as much praise as Jennifer Lawrence but is not getting it because he is in the same awards season as Daniel Day-Lewis.

jackman-3_4_rx3402:34 I am going to say this in the nicest way possible, but does anybody else find it incredibly endearing that Hugh Jackman’s wife is not as pretty as him?  Just an observation.

2:40 I wanted Silver Linings Playbook to win, but I am fine with Les Mis winning.

2:47 Middle-aged Clooney DOES make young Clooney look like garbage.

2:48 Yay! Jessica Chastain! She really does deserve it.  Her performance in Zero Dark Thirty was haunting, depressing, and exhilarating, all at once.

2:51 Once again, Daniel Day-Lewis’ win shocks no one, but he REALLY deserves it.  His performance is eerily intoxicating.

affleck-onstage-4_3_r536_c5342:58 When they were reading the announcements for Best Motion Picture – Drama, I realized that this one could go any way, but after Ben Affleck’s snub at the Oscars, I really wanted Argo to win… and I got my wish!  Highly recommend this one, most crazy intense movie experience I have ever had.  It took me a solid hour to come down from this movie.

3:00 Well, that’s it, folks.  I was “meh” about most of the winners, in that I wasn’t surprised by a lot, was pissed about others, but more often, I had wished that someone else had won, but was okay with who won.  This just makes me excited for the Oscars to see if they make me less pissed or more.  Probably less, because I get more enraged by the TV nominees.

– Ellen

Marry Boff Kill: Rudd vs. Scott vs. Hamm

To us here at Fangirly, Marry Boff Kill is so much more than a game. In fact, we firmly believe that you never really know someone until they’ve told you which celebs they would wed, bed, and make dead. Our MBK question this week happens to be something of a sore spot in our relationship. It first came up while on a camping trip more than a year ago, and remains a source of cousinly contention to this day.

Marry Boff Kill: Jon Hamm, Adam Scott, or Paul Rudd.

Whitney’s Answers

Marry Adam Scott- Ha! No brainer. While he’s still smokin’ hot, he’s the least classically attractive of the three so I wouldn’t feel totally inadequate. Also, if I married him I would get to hang out with his Parks and Rec co-stars, which would help me fulfill my destiny of becoming Amy Pohler’s best friend.

Boff Paul Rudd- That boyish face, that sexy grin, and the fact that he’s the funniest guy in Hollywood all lead me to conclude that Paul Rudd would be an awesome boff. Honestly, just look at this picture! (I really hope my parents don’t read this).

Kill…Jon Hamm- Ouch. This one hurts. He’s just too handsome. And every time I look at him all I can think about is his 30 Rock character Dr. Drew Baird, with his hook hands and less than average IQ. Sorry Jon Hamm. It was never meant to be.

Ellen’s Answers

Marry Paul Rudd- I have to.  What Paul and I have is lasting and real because I have loved him ever since I was a little girl watching Clueless on VHS, trying to act like I totally got all the jokes.  Totally.  I like to imagine that he is out there wearing a promise ring, just waiting for me.  He may call it his wedding ring that another woman gave him, but whatever.

Boff Jon Hamm – To fully explain my rationale behind this choice, it is important to know my strategy for playing the game.  I first decide who will give me a more meaningful relationship.  Not just a lover in the nighttime, but a true companion.  From there I decide who I believe will be the best boff.  Look at that picture.  He is literally smoking!  To give evidence as to why Jon Hamm is the best choice, I give you the following clip:

Kill… Adam Scott – You have no idea how painful this for me, Adam.  It’s not you, it’s me.  You’re a great guy, you know I think the world of you.  It’s just that someone has to die and it kills me that it’s you.  I had to follow my heart in choosing Paul and I had to follow something else in choosing Jon, but know that in choosing to kill you, I’m following a path straight to a night of crying in my pillow.  Don’t look at me like that, Adam.  You’re only making this harder.