Fangirly Presents: Why Women aren’t Funny

You know what sucks?

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And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I was informed today that women are, tragically, not funny.

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It’s true.

I know this because the person who let me in on this secret was, himself, blessed with a penis, so you know he knows comedy.

At first I was furious. How could someone make, with such confidence, such a blatantly untrue generalization?

Then I thought about it. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s right.

Women really aren’t funny.

I mean, we have no sense of irony.

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Woman are historically terrible at physical comedy.

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Honestly, how many women can do impressions?

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I think, and this is just me, that women are too preoccupied with their appearance to be funny.

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And you know who really isn’t funny? Mature women.

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Maybe if we didn’t harp so much about objectification in the media.

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Maybe if we just got better at rolling with the punches.

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If we weren’t so damn prissy. You know, developed a sense of bathroom humor.

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It’s no wonder that male comedians don’t want to work with women.

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And why there aren’t any good female comedy duos.

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Who would have thought that ovaries, those things that launch our transformations into raging hose beasts with each new moon, would be the agents of our comedic destruction?

Let’s rally, ladies. Let’s focus on our strengths. Like wifery.

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And being good at literally everything else.

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Actually… wait…

I think I just thought of a joke.

Ok, bare with me, I’m new at this.

What did the woman say to the dumb-ass who thinks women aren’t funny?

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Get it?

Whitney Weldon

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TV Raised Me, and I Feel Fine

I saw my brother for the first time in months this last weekend. As insufferable as we are as individual units, we’re exponentially worse when we get together. Every other word is an inside joke (Sleepy Richard, earning your lunch meat, Pretzel Boy, moving about the house), and all the words in between are movie and TV quotes. This earns us little respect from the people around us. But this sibling shorthand we’ve developed comes from a shared childhood experience: we were raised by TV.

To be clear, we had great parents. We were always clean (ish), well-fed, and adequately loved. But when both of your parents work full time, TV is often used to fill the gaps. And when you come from a family of renowned movie buffs, a certain level of cultural literacy is expected. The problem is, when people learn this about you, you get a very specific look. It’s a look that says, “I’m so sorry for your unfulfilled life”. My response usually reflects my impeccable upbringing and unimpeachable manners.

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I appreciate your thinly veiled shade, but it is unnecessary. TV made me who I am, for better or worse. From a early age, I was exposed to movies and shows written by some of the cleverest people in the world.

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I learned social graces.

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I learned how to carefully formulate a snappy comeback.

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I realized that not everyone can be trusted.

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Sometimes these stories reflected my own experience.

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And sometimes they didn’t.

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But without them, I’d never be able to feel another person’s crushing disappointment.

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Or mortal terror.

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I wouldn’t know how it feels to watch someone you love die.

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I’d never understand how it feels to lose everything you have.

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Good TV, like a good book, gives us a window into another person’s experience,

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and explore realities that otherwise wouldn’t exist.

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TV made me empathetic, and forced me to experience emotions other than my own.

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So don’t be worried that your kids watch TV. Worry about what they watch on TV. Make sure that what they watch reflects the kind of person you want them to be. If it doesn’t…

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Make sure their shows are funny and smart.

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Make sure that they are gaining experiences beyond their own.

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And remind yourself to thank me later. I’ll wait.

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Whitney Weldon

Rocky: It’s Way Better Than You Think

This blog is already WAY more telling than I would like. So in keeping with the spirit of confession, I’ll admit that, while I can take or leave sports movies as a whole, I have an unnatural and consuming passion for boxing movies. Cinderella Man, Million Dollar Baby, Southpaw, Creed (most recently). But none of these, with the possible exception of Creed (thanks to the many talents of one Michael B. Jordan), are even in the same weight class as the most iconic boxing movie of all time…

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Rocky.

Rocky I, specifically.

This is a franchise that has gotten a weird rap. It’s become synonymous with bad 80’s acting-

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And still stands as the poster child for the Homoerotic Training Montage.

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But the first Rocky (1976) is a film of surprising depth and nuance. It’s two parts indie drama, one part underdog story.

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Rocky Balboa is just a young mook from Philly who thinks that opportunity has passed him by. Until world champ Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers, before he got a stew going) gives him a shot at a the big time.

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But the real heart of Rocky isn’t the big fight, or boxing, really. It’s the shockingly tender and grounded love story between Rocky and his main lady, Adrian.

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If there’s one thing you should take away from this movie, it’s that Rocky loves Adrian.

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Love.

But in between the shouting and the showdowns, we’re given the most unintentionally comedic training montage in the history of cinema.

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use this one

This movie hasn’t resonated much with millennials. Probably because it wan’t directed by Joss Whedon. But if you’re looking for a movie that is unexpectedly sweet, and smart, and subtle, take a chance on the Italian Stallion. I guarantee you’ll eat lightening, and crap thunder.

-Whitney Weldon

 

An Interview with Oscar Isaac

Fangirly has been blessed with many fascinating, hard-hitting interviews during our run as the internet’s most obsolete entertainment blog. Today, we’re continuing that streak as we chat with one of this years biggest break-out stars, Oscar Isaac!

Oscar, we are so, so excited to sit down with you today.

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Um… my name is… um… I know this… Melissa? Sorry, it’ll come back to me.

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So, anyway, you’ve had a pretty big year. There’s been so much good buzz about all your performances–

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Well, yeah, arguably I haven’t spoken to Jean… Sorry, who’s Jean?

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Oh, I’m sorry man…

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Do you… do you wanna have a little dance party? Wake you up, maybe?

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Wow, I really thought that would take more persuasion…

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 So now that we’ve successfully brought the funk, you wanna talk about some of your upcoming projects? 

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… Um, so you’re playing Apocalypse in the new X-Men movie. What drew you to playing a bad guy?

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Whoa, hey man! Leave Carla Gugino out of this! You’re Hulking out, dude!

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Yep, get it all out…

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You good?

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Cool. So I was hoping we could just talk about Ex Machina and–

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Um… why?

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Yeah, totally, but can we also just talk about Ex Machina and the gender politics–

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Great, yeah, let’s do it!

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Oh, are you being philosophical or really asking? 

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Wait, seriously?

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You know, it’s the social and biological differentiation between male and female organisms…

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Well, we are unfortunately all out of time! Do you have anything you wanna say before we go? Maybe a shout-out to your Star Wars co-star John Boyega?

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Sorry, did you say, “Llewyn is the cat”?

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Oh, got it. Thanks so much for being with us today! In case it wasn’t clear, we love you here at Fangirly.

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Whitney Weldon

The Fangirly Show: Episode # 7 Fangirling Over TV Revivals

Whitney and Ellen discuss the pros and cons from a bringing back a show from that underworld known as cancellation.  Is it a good thing or bad thing for the landscape of television?  But more importantly, has it ever been done well?  Plus, the ladies lay down their bets for their Fangirly Oscar Pool.  Who will win?   And who will have to suffer the consequences of losing?  (Odds are, Whitney).

You can listen and subscribe HERE on iTunes or you can go HERE to listen and let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

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Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

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But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

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The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

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Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

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Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

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But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

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And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

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So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

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Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

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Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

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That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

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Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

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Whitney

Fan Rants: Death to the Networks!!!

THE MINDY PROJECT: Mindy (Mindy Kaling, R), Jeremy (Ed Weeks, C) and Danny (Chris Messina, L) discover a change in the office staff in the

When I initially heard that Fox had cut the cord on our Fangirly Favorite The Mindy Project, my reaction was more or less what you might expect. I sold all my earthly possessions, joined a doomsday cult, and settled in for the End of Days. But from the midst of tragedy, an unlikely hero emerged, destined to redeem us all from a Mindy-less existence. Yes, people, ya heard. Hulu will be picking up Kaling’s brain-baby and giving it new life online.

And this isn’t the first time that a streaming service has needed to step in to save a beleaguered series. Yahoo adopted Community and Netflix resurrected Arrested Development (with debatable success, but still). Not only are these sites delivering really strong, occasionally award-winning, original content to subscribers, they are salvaging the network underdogs that struggle to perform and bringing them back from the dead.

Ok, I’m not an idiot. I know that Hulu probably isn’t doing this out of altruism or some media-messiah complex. They roku-3-streaming-tv-giveawayprobably stand to make a lot of money from this deal and I have no doubt that the switch will be marketed aggressively. But the fact stands that Hulu is taking a chance on this amazing little show written by and starring one of the only non-white female leads on TV. Ever. Meanwhile, networks are giving us Boy Meets World reboots and a Full House made-for-TV-movie.

This all leads me to ask, do we really need networks? Or are the a relic that is desperately trying to recapture the magic of ten, twenty, thirty years ago? Most shows are available online anyway, and even HBO is offering a streaming service for much less than your exorbitant cable package. As a representative of a generation that watches most of it’s TV online anyway, it’s not a very hard question.

What do you think? Hit us up at fangirlyfangirls@gmail.com, or @fangirly2, and give us what you got.

-Whitney