So, hey, follow me on Twitter!
Seriously, where did this guy come from? Has he always been a thing? Maybe it’s the distinctly Clockwork Orange-y vibe he throws off, or maybe I’m losing my uncanny ability to scope out even the most obscure of Hotties. Either way…
I never had a mind to crush on Mr. Peters till I got around to watching American Horror Story: Asylum. First, I would like to say, YIKES. AHS is rough stuff, even for a gal with a deep appreciation for even the most depraved examples of the horror genre. Second, I would like to personally apologize to Evan Peters for not getting it before now. You are smoking; You should know that about yourself. Also, your turn as Quicksilver in one of this summers watchable movies, X-Men: Days of Future Past, was bananas. You stone cold scene-stealer, you.
In summation, if you haven’t yet started crushing on Evan Peters yet, here is the chance to get the jump on all your friends. He is going to be huge, and you don’t want to be the last one to crash the Evan Peters Party. If you’re still not convinced, you can watch him in American Horror Story: Freakshow this fall. I guarantee you will be terrified and twitterpated in equal measure. Try not to think about it too much.
I’ve tried, I swear. I have looked high and low for a reason to watch Pretty Little Liars, but so far I have only found one…
A real shame, considering Piper (sorry, Holly Marie Combs) gets maybe twenty seconds of combined screen time in the first three episodes. Which, coincidentally, is about as much as my gag reflex will allow me to swallow. Excepting the aforementioned 1/3 of the Halliwell coven, I cannot find one character that I like, or at least find compelling enough to make the story palatable. In the few episodes I’ve seen, the four Lead Liars have shoplifted, withheld information from the police, made-out with their English teachers, stolen their sisters’ fiancees, and accidentally(?) maimed a classmate. In the first three episodes. Now, I’m not saying that every female on TV needs to be a paragon of womanly virtue. Fangirly loves complex female characters, which might explain why we dedicated our own little corner of the internet to writing about them. But there is a pretty well-defined line between being a complicated person and being a crappy person, and these girls can’t seem to find it.
I swear I’m not trying to be mean. I know that this show has a lot of fans, and not just the tweenage kind. I know several women with impressive taste who are completely caught up in this show, and I am just trying to figure it out. So convince me, please.
As August moves into September and as magazines start touting their Fall Movie Picks, it is safe to say that summer movie is drawing to a close. Like a true fangirl, I have been to the movies more times this summer than I have been in a bathing suit. That is a fact. That being said, I feel more than qualified to pass judgement on this summer movie season.
Back in April, I listed the 10 summer movies that I was most excited to see and… ended up seeing 6 out 10. The reviews for Jersey Boys, Magic in the Moonlight, The Giver, and Let’s Be Cops just weren’t good enough to get $7-$18 out of me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t shill out the Redbox or Amazon Instant fees eventually. Maybe.
I DID get out for some movies that hadn’t been on my radar, though, so let’s take a look at my favs from the summer.
10. Snowpiercer (Previously not listed) Look, I liked this movie but I have had a hard time recommending it because it is definitely not for everyone, but if you enjoy gorific, dystopian movies set on trains with a haunting Tilda Swinton (it’s a very niche category), then this is for you. Or if you like Chris Evans. Mmm, Chris Evans in a beanie.
9. Chef (Previously not listed) My number one piece of advice before seeing this movie: do NOT see this on an empty stomach. I saw it after a big meal and I still wanted to eat everything I saw. It is food porn. Outside of the most beautiful footage of food you will ever see, the story was sweet and feel-good, the performances were good, and did I mention the food?
8. 22 Jump Street (Previously #5) This summer was seriously lacking in the straight up comedies, but luckily I had this movie. I feel like anyone who loves movies would love this movie because it is deliciously meta, skewering summer blockbusters, sequels, and itself. Channing Tatum continued to impress me with his comedic chops and made me sit up further and take notice (because he had never really done it for me until he started being funny in these movies). TIP: You MUST stay for the credits because they are probably the best part of the movie.
7. Edge of Tomorrow (Previously #9) I’m glad that I showed some faith in this movie because I ended up really liking it and only wish that more people had gone to see it. I understand that it looks like your typical Tom Cruise shoot-’em-up, but you guys, it was so much more. It was a surprisingly funny, kick ass, sci-fi, action movie that had a cool chick who didn’t need Tom Cruise to protect her and Tom’s character was actually a bit of a wimp. Well, at least in the beginning. Give it a try on DVD.
6. Boyhood (Previously not listed) If you haven’t heard about this movie, writer/director Richard Linklater filmed the lead boy and the cast of characters in his life over the course of 12 years. The result is a delightful slice of life film that is more like 12 slices making a delicious cake that, even at a runtime of over 2 1/2 hours, I didn’t want to end. I was so protective over this kid by the end because I had literally seen him grow up before my eyes.
5. The Fault in Our Stars (Previously #2) This one gets demoted not because I didn’t LOVE it, but only because I can step outside of the feels and recognize that it is maybe not as “quality” of a movie as the ones I save for the top of the list. As a huge fan of the book, I was contractualy obligated to be excited for the movie and it did not disappoint. I can’t remember a recent adaptation that was more faithful or a Gus that was more adorable. Okay? Okay.
Chef4. X-Men: Days of Future Past (Previously #3) I don’t know if this is something I have made clear yet, but Fassbender. Enough said. I love him and he does not disappoint in the looks department here. Not that he ever could. Except for Frank maybe. But besides Fassbender, Quicksilver! Boss 70’s threads! An unprecedented cavalcade of stars! Some of whom barely even spoke! This movie was bananas and I was on board from go.
3. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (Previously not listed) While I was able to recognize that Rise was a good movie, it didn’t do enough to make me overly psyched for Dawn. Maybe I just really love apes on horses with machine guns, but I really loved this movie. I cried way more than I was probably supposed to and
2. Belle (Previously not listed) A bit of a disclaimer, I did watch my Blu-ray of this last night, so it is a bit fresher than the others, but I also loved it enough in theatres to pre-order the Blu-ray so that it would arrive on my doorstep so that it would arrive on my door on the date of release. So, yeah. I really liked this movie, but in the book of Ellen, what’s not to like? A good rule of thumb is that if it is a romantic period drama, I’m going to dig it.
1. Guardians of the Galaxy (Previously #1) To quote myself:
I have faith. Faith in Marvel and the power of Chris Pratt’s abs, a power that cannot be denied. … Don’t make me regret putting you at number one, Marvel.
No regrets whatsoever. In fact, my only regret would have been if it had not been number one. So far, I have seen this twice in theatres and am scavenging for a friend who has not seen it yet so that I can see it a third time. I have been very vocal about my love for this movie, so I won’t get into it, but long story, I love this movie, I get giddy just thinking about it, everything about it is perfect, and you cannot convince me otherwise. With that, I leave you with this:
Happy Fall Movie Season, everyone!
If I had to pick one word to sum up last night’s Emmy Awards, I would have to go with unprecedented. I mean, who could have possibly foreseen that Modern Family would pick up Outstanding Comedy Series for the fifth consecutive time? Or that the dark horse nominee from Breaking Bad (you know, Malcolm’s dad) would take home the award for Outstanding Lead actor? Not to mention all the other left-fielders like The Big Bang Theory, American Horror Story, and Steven Moffat’s little known passion project Sherlock. And while all the wins last night were richly deserved, we decided to recognize all those performances that would otherwise have gone unnoticed. We present to you, our seven readers, the 2014 Femmie Awards.
Outstanding Use of Grocery Bags, Loose Fitting Clothes, and Tony Goldwyn’s Knee to Hide a Baby Bump in a Drama Series
And the Femmie goes to…
Most Outstanding Comedy Series to Ever Get Cut Down in It’s Prime, Thereby Denying Viewers What Should Have Been Years of Comedy Gold
And the Femmie goes to…
Subergatory! (Kind of a Win/Lose)
Outstanding Performance by a Smart, Strong, Sensual Woman in a Comedy Series
And the Femmie goes to…
Tina Belcher! (Bob’s Burgers)
Outstanding Miniseries that Attempts to Make the Idea of Getting Knocked Up by Patrick J Adams Less Appealing, and Ultimately Fails
And the Femmie goes to…
Rosemary’s Baby! (NBC)
We here at Fangirly would like to extend our congratulation to all our winners! You will be going home with… nothing. Statues were not in the budget.
In doing this “Crush of the Week” feature, I often come up with an idea and think, “There is no way we haven’t already done them” or “I love them way too much to have never chosen them”. Then I search them on the site and to my utter shock an horror, come up with nothing.
This has never been more shocking than when I searched Tom Hiddleston and came up with nothing in the way of crushing.
I have been crushing on Tom for a while and all his Tumblr love has really pushed me over the edge. The fangirls love them some Tom Hiddleston. And why shouldn’t they? He is an adorably charming sexpot with a voice like butter, plus he can dance.
Earlier this week, his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge made women understand the appeal of a good wet T-Shirt contest.
Thank you, England. Thank you, God. Whoever is responsible for this.
This is the post I hoped I would never have to write. Because by doing so, I’m forced to acknowledge and address those dinguses who seem utterly incapable of spanking their inner moppet and acting like grown-ups at the movies. If this post comes across as, ummm, combative, I apologize in advance. After an appalling experience at the movies yesterday (a second viewing of my new favorite Oscar contender, Guardians of the Galaxy) I know that this particular bug will stay firmly lodged up my butt until I speak out. And as we all know, Hell hath no fury like a lady whose enjoyment of Chris Pratt was compromised by some jabroni with an iPhone. In an effort to prevent such atrocities in the future, I present Whitney’s Rules of Movie Theater Etiquette.
1) Arrive Early. I mean, going to the movies is supposed to be a leisure activity, right? Why not make it leisurely by giving yourself enough time to look at movie posters, visit the Pee Palace, get your concessions, and get to your seat in a timely fashion, rather than trying to squeeze in during the previews. Because some of us like the previews, and having you crawl over our knees like a terrier while you try to nab a seat does not enhance the experience. You might ask, How early is early enough? Excellent question. I like to get there anywhere between 20-30 minutes early. Be cognizant of how long it takes you to get there and how long lines at the ticket booth might be.
2) Once the movie starts, ditch the snacks. Ok, this one is harder to justify, as it’s really just kind of a pet peeve. Hearing someone swan-dive into their worryingly large vat of buttered popcorn is a real mood killer. If you want to chow during the previews, then by all means, go to town. But if you are a non-child or non-diabetic, then you should be completely capable of going two hours until your next Junior Mint pick me up.
3) Let the credits roll. After every movie, there is always that one dude who tries to pole vault over seats in order to be first out of the theater. Why? If science tells us anything, it’s that watching three minutes of credits will not kill you. I’m not saying you need to sit there until an usher gives you a dirty look; once they roll the post-production departments you are probably good to go.
What is your biggest theater pet peeve? Go ahead. Let it all out in our comment section.
This weekend I did something a little crazy. Ok, a lottle crazy. In a recent issue of Entertainment Weekly there was an article written by Marc Snetiker on how to best prepare for the Emmys next Monday. Well, how to best prepare for the Emmys in only 24 hours and because I’m a weirdo, my first thought was, “I could do this. I should do this. I’m GOING to do this.” I honestly don’t watch a lot of the Emmy shows, especially in the Drama category, so I saw this as the perfect opportunity to get myself edumacated.
I prepared by making sure I had all of the recommended episodes or at least access to them and by placing an order with Amazon Fresh to make sure I had a cavalcade of themed snacks. As you should do for any binge.
Oh, and I live-tweeted the whole thing. And it turns out you can tweet a lot in 24 hours.
First show, first snack.
For Orange is the New Black, I watched “Lesbian Request Denied” and I have to say this is one of the viewings that made me want to watch more.
Next up, True Detective. Continue reading
I did not end up seeing very many movies this summer. In part, because I’ve just been way too busy having a fun, sexy, Newport Ad summer…
…And also because I just haven’t been that spoiled with choice. It’s no ancient Chinese secret that this has just not been the summer for movies. I did see a few, though, so I thought I’d play a game of Cinema Chutes and Ladders with some of this summers releases.
Ok, I’m going to say something that is going to sound kinda mean, but is only meant to be constructive: The entire film felt like a really, outrageously expensive piece of Peter/Gwen fanfic. Oh jeeze, that looks just as mean on paper as it did in my head. But the truth is, when you center the entire script of your Big-Budget Superhero Blockbuster on your leads perpetual game of relationship ping-pong, your story is going to suffer. And suffer it did. Everybody knows that Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield have bananas on/off screen chemistry. Doesn’t mean we want to watch a movie about it.
Ladder: Edge of Tomorrow
There really are not words to express how little I cared about seeing Tom Cruise’s latest attempt at career dialysis. I figured it was just another two-hour excuse to eat buttered popcorn, watch Tom gaze steely-eyed into the face of danger, and flirt with his under aged, underwritten leading lady. I’ve probably been more wrong before, but nothing immediately springs to mind. Edge was surprisingly funny, inventive, and (whoa!) kind of female driven. Emily Blunt’s character is allowed to be a hero in her own right, and not just as Cruise’s best girl. Not to mention that this is probably one of my favorite Tom Cruise performances EVER. I mean it. He’s smarmy and self-deprecating, and gives us a compelling hero to root for.
It’s really is hard for me to put into words how I feel about this movie. If you (understandably) assume that my enthusiasm for this one stems from a longstanding and ever increasing Chris Evans crush, I totally get it. But in reality, once I saw the trailer back in May, I knew I was going to see it one way or another. It just looked so different from anything else we were likely to get this summer. And because I ABSOLUTELY refuse to dole out any spoilers on this one, all I will say is that I walked out of that movie theater shaking. It was disturbing and violent and sad and exciting and (once you got over being disturbed, grossed-out, sad, and excited) pretty funny. Just, go see it. For me. Please. Don’t be a weirdo. Just go. Now. Thank you.
This one pretty much has all the makings of a super-cute chick flick: Racism, sexism, capitalism, imperialism. All the isms. Joking (briefly) aside, this movie is balls-to-the-wall wonderful. Also, hey there Sam Reid. We’ve never met before, but I like everything about you. Including, but not limited to, your face, your eyes, your voice, your smile, and your formidable acting chops. The ladies of the American Colonies salute you, sir.
Oh boy. I guess I know where they were trying to go with this one. I mean, it’s like Once, but in New York, right? I guess you lost me when Kira Knightly announced that Frank Sinatra, Stevie Wonder and that song from Casablanca were her guilty pleasures. No. Those are the songs you pretend are your guilty pleasures when a cute boy is going through your iTunes library. Honestly. You know what’s a pleasure to feel guilty about? “Having Fun” by Britney Spears. The only thing you have to feel guilty about is not fooling anyone.
Ladder: Guardians of the Galaxy
Every time I try to think of a way this movie could have been better, I get nothin’. Soup to nuts, one of my new favorite movies of all time. Chris Pratt slays the competition in the Most Boffable Man of the Summer 2014 race. And while I loved B Coop as Rocket the Raccoon, I think I prefer him in his 20 piece suits.
Kidding. Love you, Coop.
What do you think? Did I miss any?
August is something of a Birthday Blitz for our family. At least four of us get a little saggier during this particular summer month, one of which being my favorite/only brother, Eric! As older brothers do, he taught me so much about life, love, and how to sneak into the house at 5 AM through an open window. To honor that, I’ve made a list of all the little gems I’ve gleaned from stalking him over the last couple of decades.
5) Never, EVER confess to anything, especially when you have been caught red-handed. If people respect one thing, it’s a person who does not know when they have been made.
4) Choose good, positive heroes and mentors.
3) Beware of the Establishment.
2) A smile is your greatest asset
*Fun Fact: Here is a picture of his actual smile. Don’t look for too long, or you will ruin your night vision.
(I think it took hours to coax that out of him).
1) Remember that a little humility can get you far…
…But also know where your strengths lie.
Oh Eric, how I love you so. I’m sorry this kind of turned into a roast. The truth is, you are the best brother a lady could ask for, and I hope that 27 is good to you.
Happy Birthday, ya mook.
August 13, it’s safe to say,
Is bigger than Rex Manning Day
In terms of Joy and Jubilation,
It’s a birthday craze that is saaa-weeping the nation
And who’s the cause of all this racket?
It’s ELLEN, who just reached another age bracket!
In the “Hottie” department, she’s a repeat offender
And can make even the slickest good guys surrender.
She’s a brainy broad, with lots in her head,
Just let her regale you with all that she’s read.
She’s fast with a grin and quick with a joke
A girl you could take out for pig-in-a-poke.
If your taste is a gal with all the right moves
Then you’ll look no further once you’ve seen how she grooves
Forget that I-G-G-Y, cause Ellen’s twice as Dance-y
And it’s easy to see that she’s three times as Fancy
She’s a certified babe, from her shoes to her hair,
When she walks down the street, people stop and they stare.
She’s funny and sassy like a Lady Nick Miller
But, you’ve been warned, she’s a stone-cold Killer
She can be a bit quirky, nothing too odd
And I’m sure you won’t care once you’ve checked out her bod
It must be rough, being so super-fine
Er day dealing with boys that pine
But she deals with the stress in her own special way,
“Is this wi-fi Organic?” as Drunk Uncle would say.
And her far-away cousin, whose love won’t erode
Sat down at a laptop and wrote her this Ode
I hope you enjoyed this digital toast,
‘Cause I’ve poured all my love into this dumb little post
Happy Birthday, you Boob Punch
This is a repeat pick, but after the week… or month that I have had crushing on Chris Pratt, this needed to happen. If you only knew all the Chris Pratt related posts that I have liked on Tumblr lately, I would be very embarrassed but also proud of my collection. Also, seeing Guardians of the Galaxy twice in the course of four days is bound to make a girl a bit obsessive.
I would like to point out that I have been crushing on Chris since before he got in Guardians shape, but of course, Guardians shape has turned this up to 11. I have loved seeing him in the spotlight, especially since he is this lovable goof that I fell in love with on Parks and Rec.
And now here is an image dump because I couldn’t pick.
It has now been a little over a week since I returned from my annual pilgrimage to San Diego Comic Con. This was my fifth year and at this point, it is my drug. I can’t get enough and I fear that if I were to skip a year, I would be home, scratching at my arm, rocking in the fetal position, and reading updates on Twitter while weeping silently. Here is a dramatic pre-enactment.
I always love Comic Con, but this year, it seemed to mean a lot more to me. Perhaps it was because I only had to sleep outside one night this year or maybe because I am becoming such a seasoned pro (dustin’ my shoulders) that I have a pretty good handle on the situation. This year it just really struck me how magical Comic Con can be for a fangirl like me, to be able to go a place where I can let my geek flag fly (note to self: make a “geek” flag for next year) because I am surrounded by people who get it. People who appreciate all my nerdy T-shirts, people who know what I mean when I use terms like “shipping”, people who have read just as much fanfiction as me and in a lot of cases, probably a lot more.
Comic Con really is not for everyone. There is a LOT of waiting, the chairs are really uncomfortable, and this year was particularly smelly, but it truly is THE ultimate fan mecca and therefore, my personal paradise. Smelly nerds and all.
This run-on sentence review is going to be hard for me to write because I am going to want to use a lot of exclamation marks to express my complete and utter delight and therefore end the sentence but I shall refrain and instead just calmly say that I freaking loved this movie (!!!! I couldn’t help myself) because in my book it doesn’t get much better than a hilarious, epic space odyssey with a killer soundtrack and on top of that, one which stars Chris Pratt but I think my favorite part was that I was expecting Chris Pratt to make me laugh but everyone in this movie was also really funny, one of my biggest surprises being Dave Bautista as Drax, but almost from the word go I was in love with this movie but I may not be the most partial critic because I was bouncing in my seat before the movie even started but I am just so happy that this gamble paid off for Marvel even though I don’t think Marvel ever actually saw it as a gamble but I know more than a few people were a bit skeptical about a lesser known comic featuring a walking talking tree and raccoon but this just goes to prove my point that one should never doubt Marvel because at this point can they do us wrong?
Verdict: This should be abundantly clear, but, DUH, go see this!! Now! (Judging from box office reports, you already did)