In with the Old: The Mighty Ducks

Recently, I found myself with some time on my hands and saw that all three of the Mighty Ducks films were on Netflix and thought, “Eh, why not?” I am an adult, therefore, giving me the ability to choose to spend my day watching stupid kids movies. I had a lot of thoughts while watching and thought I would share them with all of you.

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Pretty sure that this movie gave me a misconception about the 1970’s. I thought they were a very hazy time… Actually, maybe it wasn’t too much of a misconception.

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Sometimes I think that Disney is a little too heavy-handed in pointing out that someone is a bad boy. Beer! Loud music! Sassing cops!

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Am I too logical in thinking that this prank wouldn’t work on someone driving by? A passerby, sure, but someone driving by is going to come to a screeching halt to stop in the middle of the street and steal a purse? Maybe I’ve seen too many Russian traffic cams of truckers saving kittens.

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I’m glad that at least the closed captioning gave credit where credit was due. Also, I posit that a kids sports movie cannot exist without the snarky trash talker (see also: Ham from The Sandlot, Tanner Boyle from The Bad News Bears, etc.)

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Seriously, inquiring minds would like to know, is that a phone?

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FART JOKE!

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Gordon Bombay. Possibly the best name in film history. Also, the best shoulder pads in the biz.

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Bombay, you know how movies work, right? Of course, it had to be the Hawks.

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Pretty sure that my brother and I were incapable of going to hockey games between the years of 1993-present (?) without saying this.

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Ah, the good old days when teenage boys had to make do with issues of Sports Illustrated.

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You know it’s a 90’s movie when the menacing gang is on roller blades.

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Hans is the Yoda of this movie. So wise. So sage.

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Little baby Joshua Jackson!

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Oh, movie, I don’t need you to tell me when Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch is playing.

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Do I need to call Social Services on this 22 year old movie?

md16

Again, this movie is really delivering on the 90’s awesomeness. Roller blading through the mall?!

md17

The movie the made quacking a haunting battle cry to all 90’s kids.

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It’s so convenient that the entire team is in this one Chemistry class, despite the fact that some of them look like they are 5 years apart in age.

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Gordon, stop quacking!

md20

Don’t we all, Banks. Let the rich kid play, Ducks! The cake-eater has two more movies to do.

md21

This has to be either the weakest net ever or this puck just defied the laws of physics, right?

md22

What publication is this that has front page headlines about a Minnesota Pee-Wee hockey team?

md23

Haha hijinks. Even as a kid, I thought Emilio laughed weird.

md24

Yeah, go for it, Bombay. She will never be able to resist you in that Cosby sweater. What woman could?

md25

Does Disney have a contractual stipulation that there must be a contrived romance that nobody watching the movie will really care about and that won’t last into the sequel?

md26

Again, what is this “Hockey Publication” and where did they get these pictures of these pee-wee hockey coaches? I would really like to see a Newsroom like TV show about this paper.

md27

What kind of douchebag father isn’t going to root for his son’s team? I don’t care how rich your friends are.

md28

Aw, Banks. You took the stick out of your butt. Presh. See you in MD2!

md29

Um, Bombay, you need to win. Haven’t you seen a Disney sports movie?

md30

You just know that they were so stoked on this shot. “Aw man, this is going to look so cool.”

md31

I cannot believe this worked. I’m supposed to believe that these kids who are growing up on the ice have never seen someone do a scratch spin?

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Flying V! Ducks fly together!

md33

Bombay, you are not helping the “Coach’s Pet” taunts that he has been getting. Also, what exactly has Charlie done to elicit this confidence? Other than let you bone his mom.

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QUACK, QUACK, QUACK! Now THAT’S how you end a Disney sports movie.md35 Wah-wah, Hawks. It’s because you didn’t have a humorous yet cool chant and, most importantly, because you weren’t having fun out there.md36 Hold the phone. Bombay is leaving his lucrative law career to possibly be a minor league hockey player? At his age?

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It must really suck for Charlie that he is the only one of these kids with a present parent. She really cramps his style.

Who wants to go watch this movie on Netflix now?  Sorry if I spoiled it for you.

Ellen

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Whitney’s Birthday Ode To Ellen: 2014!

August 13, it’s safe to say,

Is bigger than Rex Manning Day

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In terms of Joy and Jubilation,

It’s a birthday craze that is saaa-weeping the nation

And who’s the cause of all this racket?

It’s ELLEN, who just reached another age bracket!

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In the “Hottie” department, she’s a repeat offender

And can make even the slickest good guys surrender.

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She’s a brainy broad, with lots in her head,

Just let her regale you with all that she’s read.

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She’s fast with a grin and quick with a joke

A girl you could take out for pig-in-a-poke.

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If your taste is a gal with all the right moves

Then you’ll look no further once you’ve seen how she grooves

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Forget that I-G-G-Y, cause Ellen’s twice as Dance-y

And it’s easy to see that she’s three times as Fancy

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She’s a certified babe, from her shoes to her hair,

When she walks down the street, people stop and they stare.

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She’s funny and sassy like a Lady Nick Miller

But, you’ve been warned, she’s a stone-cold Killer

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She can be a bit quirky, nothing too odd

And I’m sure you won’t care once you’ve checked out her bod

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It must be rough, being so super-fine

Er day dealing with boys that pine

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But she deals with the stress in her own special way,

“Is this wi-fi Organic?” as Drunk Uncle would say.

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And her far-away cousin, whose love won’t erode

Sat down at a laptop and wrote her this Ode

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I hope you enjoyed this digital toast,

‘Cause I’ve poured all my love into this dumb little post

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Happy Birthday, you Boob Punch

Whitney

Grade A, Choice Picks: Top Reasons I Have the COOLEST Mom Out There

Look, look, look.  I know that everyone is going on about how great their moms are and I believe you, I really do.  My mom is pretty great, too, but let’s look at the reasons I have the COOLEST mom out there.

beastie-boys10.  She rocks her Beastie Boys CD pretty hard.

9. She sponsors our annual family dance party by outfitting us in our threads (Christmas jammies).

8. She gave me my wry, snarky sense of humor that I get to employ on this blog!

7. She is tech savvy!  I have yet get a phone call asking her how to work her iPhone/iPad/laptop/email, etc.  Now, Dad on the other hand…

6. She once had a dream where she made out with Adam Sandler in her dad’s Cadillac.  (Sorry, Mom.  The world needed to know).

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5. While most moms were into easy listening (Kenny G, Celine Dion, etc.), my mom scoffed at that music!  We were rocking out to Tom Petty, Queen, Van Halen, Blondie, Madonna, U2, INXS, and Alanis, among others.

4. As a four year old, were you headbanging a la Wayne’s World to “Bohemian Rhapsody”? Were you laughing at jokes on Mystery Science Theater that you didn’t get? Was your favorite music video “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band? (We mainly loved it because of that gif below)  Were you and your brother running around the house quoting Saturday Night Live on the regular?   Well, I was.  And that’s pretty cool, Mom.

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3. She gets me.  Probably because she created me.  Whether we are singing at the top of our lungs on road trips, having phone conversations about our TV shows, or going to see the latest superhero movie together (so that we can ogle the men), we are always having a good time.

2. She laughs. A LOT.  Mainly at her own jokes, but I am pretty sure that no one makes her laugh more than her own kids.

1. My mom goes to Comic Con with me every year.  BOOM!  The ultimate proof that my mom is the coolest.

There you have it.  Don’t I have the coolest mom?  I sure think so.

Ellen

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Totally Rad Pop Culture Items from My Childhood That I Wish I Still Had

Life is full of regrets, everyone knows that.  The following are my life’s biggest.

bsc1) Babysitters Club T-Shirt – This was so rare and awesome that even the internet couldn’t help me find it again.  Back in 1994, little Ellen loved her Scholastic book order catalogs.  Many of them featured a special offer at the back where you could join the Baby-Sitters Club Fan Club.  So exclusive.  So VIP.  I begged my mom for months and finally, she caved.  Among the membership benefits was the coolest t-shirt you have ever seen.  It was bright and colorful with hip phrases like “Best Friends Forever” and “Mary-Ann + Logan”, but worst of all, it was big enough on me back then that I could still totally rock it to this day.  Sigh.  This one hurts the most.

Dtv_romancin2) DTV Romancin’ VHS Recording – Back in the late 80s to early 90s, Disney Channel tried to cash in on the MTV cash cow and make music videos to popular songs using clips from their cartoons.  These music videos would often appear between their cartoons and sometimes they would air specials.  My favorite of these specials was DTV Romancin’ (also aired as DTV Valentines).  It had Chip and Dale dancing to Madonna, the cast of Bambi wooing to Lionel Richie’s “Hello”, and just about every clip of a phone from a Disney cartoon played with “I Just Called to Say I Love You”.  Needless to say, I wore this VHS out.

902103) 90210 Blow Dryer – I was far too young to care about this 90210 blow dryer, but I felt like the coolest 1st grader on the black when I would (attempt to) blow dry my hair with this beauty.  It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t a very good blow dryer, it only mattered that it was aqua green and purple and was emblazoned with that zip code.  In my head, it was the blow dryer that Kelly, Brenda, and Donna used.

full house4) Full House Michelle Scrapbook – Have you ever wanted to look at pictures of episodes of Full House?  Then have I got the book for you!  This book has it all.  Michelle gives all the dirt, like how Uncle Joey is so silly!  And how Uncle Jesse is so cool!  Did you know that DJ loves Steve?  Or that Stephanie thinks you are so “rude”?  (Mainly I wish I still had this one so that I could marvel at how obsessed I was with this stupid book).

beauty5) Handheld Beauty and the Beast Game – I blame this game for making me so easily addicted to games on my iPhone.  I was never great at your Nintendos and your Playstations, but even I could handle three buttons.  Dodge left, dodge right, and of course, “MAGIC”!  The premise was pretty basic, because those three buttons won’t allow for much.  At first you hide from the beast, but then you kiss him and then you hide from Gaston so that you can get to the beast and kiss him and finally, you escape the mob led by Gaston so that you can get to the beast and kiss him so that he becomes the “handsome” prince.  It’s a wonder that I ended up with even a shred of feminist sensibilities.

$T2eC16J,!)sE9swm(vm4BS!TdnQu5w~~60_356) Spice Girls Pin – When I was in fifth grade, one of my friends got this set of five pins that spelled out SPICE.  We divvied up the pins, each girl getting the pin with the Spice Girl that they most embodied.  See that “P” with Ginger? That was all mine.  Somehow, as a 10 year old, I was Ginger Spice.  Probably because I had the closest thing resembling red hair, was terrible at sports, and hated Posh.

little mermaid7) Little Mermaid Sheets – At the age of 3, I was so hard core about The Little Mermaid that it was a bit ridiculous.  I had the entire soundtrack memorized before I had seen the movie.  When I finally DID see the movie, I stood on my seat and sang along with the whole thing.  I mainly wish that I still had these sheets because I still have a twin bed and would SO sleep on these bad boys.

giga8) 101 Dalmatians Giga Pet – I was very explicit with Santa.  I am a Giga Pet girl and NOT a Tamagotchi girl.  Also, don’t even think about getting me a cat.  Apparently, this led Santa to a 101 Dalmatians Giga Pet because it was the same Christmas that the live action movie came out, and I was more than happy to receive my little demanding dalmatian.

photo9) Minnie paraphernalia – This girl had a lot of Minnie Mouse paraphernalia.  It is unclear as to whether this was due to an obsession on my part or on my mother’s part, who was buying all of it.  Either way, I loved Minnie Mouse and demanded to see her almost immediately upon my first arrival at Disneyland.  The item I most wish I still had that I cannot find is this tubular neon school folder, but I am pretty sure I wore it to tatters.

disney afternoon10) Disney Afternoon soundtrack tape – I loved Disney afternoon, but what kid in the early 90s with Disney Channel didn’t?  And almost more than the cartoons themselves, I loved the theme songs, mainly because of this cassette tape.  I may or may not have most of these downloaded to my iTunes.  And I may or may not bust them out on a regular basis.  And I may or may not be able to still do the breakdown on the Tale Spin theme song.  “Spin it, let’s begin it, bear and grin it when you’re in it, you can win it in a minute when you spin it, spin it, spin it. So spin it.  Tale Spin!”

What item from your childhood are you most upset that your mom talked you into throwing out?

Ellen

Fangirly Investigates: Is There Anything That Will Make Me Feel Older Than 90’s Nostalgia?

In short: No.  With the exception of the recent 00’s Buzzfeed lists that I have seen.

I suppose the recent rash of 90’s nostalgia makes sense.  After all, it was about 10 years ago that 80’s nostalgia was in full swing and boy, did I ever rock some 80’s music and clothes in high school. It only seems fair that the 90’s have their turn.

Really all this nostalgia for the 90’s makes me feel old because it is the first decade that I actually remember, having been born in 1987. But I have decided to just embrace nostalgia and not get down on how old I am getting (AHH!) and enjoy videos like the one below that sends up one of my fav movies from the 90’s.  Like, whatever.

Ellen 

Grade A, Choice Picks: Top Christmas Songs

I should add a big huge fat note that these are MY favorite Christmas songs and not what I consider to be the greatest of all time.  Also, you are going to notice from my list that I have a very specific type of Christmas music that I prefer: female Jazz vocalists.  What can I say?  I know what I like.

beatles-paul-hol6343559410. “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” – Paul McCartney: Back in my hometown, there is a radio that played Christmas music beginning earlier and earlier each year (i’m sure a lot of you can relate).  This was my main discovery from that radio station.  This is partly a nostalgic pick because a friend on my high school carpool and I would get really excited when it came on. Probably because it is one of a kind and wasn’t Michael Bolton singing some song that has been recorded a million times.  They played a lot of that kind of stuff.

9.  “I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm” – Julie London: This one has been recorded a few times but I dare you to find one that is, well, sexier.  This recording and her voice really makes you believe that she has got some love to keep her warm, if you know what I’m sayin’.

8.  “The Christmas Waltz” – Nancy Wilson: It should be noted that when I was about 13, my dad got these Christmas CDs called Ultra Lounge Christmas Cocktails and I became obsessed.  Most of the songs on this list come from those CDs and I am ever grateful to them for discoveries like Ms. Nancy Wilson.  This is a great, not overly played Christmas song and my favorite version of it.

music-never-CLICK7.  “Little Saint Nick” – The Beach Boys: I had the Beach Boys Christmas album on a cassette tape when I was about 7, so you can just imagine little Ellen bumping this on her Boombox.  Yeah, this one is definitely a nostalgic pick.

6. “Sleigh Ride” – Ella Fitzgerald:  Remember what I said about my preference for jazzy female vocalists?  Well, it doesn’t get much better than Ella.  She just makes every Christmas song… cooler.  I highly recommend her Christmas album.  I mean, it’s called Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas.  What’s not to like?

Meet Me in St_ Louis MO JG5.  “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” – Judy Garland: This one falls under the “Classic Christmas” category, and of course, the original Judy Garland version from Meet Me in St. Louis is the best.

4. “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?” – Nancy Wilson: Now, you may argue with me that this is not a real Christmas song because it is about New Year’s Eve, right?  Wrong.  The whole premise of the song is the singer is asking early to get a leg up on the competition.  While the recent Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt video is pretty good because I am sucker for some ukulele, Nancy Wilson’s version still reigns supreme in my book.

Mariah+Carey+All+I+Want3.  “All I Want For Christmas” – Mariah Carey:  The newest song on the list and the only Christmas recording from the past 20 years that should be on this list.  This song is fabulous, everyone knows it.  It is only bettered by the fact that it is featured so prominently in one of my favorite movies of all time, Love Actually.

2. “The Man with the Bag” – Kay Starr: I love this song!  Another one that I probably like more because it is not played non-stop throughout the course of the Christmas season, but also it is fun, jazzy and has a great vocal.  Favorite line has to be “Everybody’s waitn’, they’re all congregatin'”

nat1. “The Christmas Song” – Nat King Cole:  This one had to be number one.  I know that it is number one on a lot of these lists, but it is for good reason.  There are few songs that make you really feel like it is Christmas, but this one always delivers.  I can’t help but get that warm, happy feeling and be transported to a some big cozy chair in front of a glowing Christmas tree and warm fireplace.  Can you?

 

What do you think? Do you disagree with my list?  Guess what? I don’t care if you do.  But let me know some of your favorites regardless.  If you didn’t already see them, check out my favorite Christmas movies, TV episodes, and specials.

Ellen

Top Five Things I Miss About the 2000’s

It’s the year 2013, and you know what that means: the 21st century is officially a teenager! This is pretty fitting because if I had to pick three words to describe my year so far they would probably be awkward, surly, and pubescent. And while the 2010’s have been a thrill, this millennial has been reminiscing about  all the things that made the 2000’s so hecka awesome.

sGbIU2cBTNutBApXJFMS_Myspace5) Myspace- If myspace.com were a person, it would be that super popular but kinda gross guy that you hung out with in high school, who you recently bumped into at your 5 year reunion and, what a surprise, he’s got more ink than a Laserjet printer and he’s still pursuing his rap career in spite of all his trouble with hepatitis. Luckily, you’re with Facebook now, and the two of you are very happy together.  Uggs

4) Ugg Boots- This one is on us. I mean, the manufacturer actually named these boots after the noise you make when you see old people making out or when you step in something gross. Or the noise you make when you realize that you spent years of your life wearing glorified Moon Boots. Ugg, indeed.

3) Razor Scooters- guys, I came so close to doing a 180 one time. SO CLOSE.

2) SNL

ewan_mcgregor-tuxedo1) Ewan McGregor- What do you get when you combine a 12 year old Whitney, printable iron-0ns, and way too much free time? A bunch of pillow cases with this guys face on them. No shame.

-Whitney (Mrs. Ewan McGregor)