Mom and Dad, if you’re reading this (safe bet), you should know that I went to see this movie under the falsest of pretenses. See, I thought Deadpool was about a ghost who throws a pool party for his friends. Imagine my surprise! I honestly wasn’t expecting the gratuitous violence and the foul language and the annoyingly brief glimpse of Ryan Reynolds’ junk. Suffice it to say, not my cup of tea. Anyway, I’m now going to launch into a very lengthy dissertation on how Billie Piper is, in many ways, a more well-rounded performer than her American counterpart, Britney Spears. So, you’ll probably want to leave off right here. Bye… love you… go watch Castle for a while…

Now that it’s just us non-AARP subscribers, allow me to say that Deadpool is, as expected, pretty frakking awesome–

Sorry. It was a refreshing change of pace after the onslaught of superhero movies where the fate of the known universe rests in the hands of a few dudes with matching chiseled jawlines. Deadpool is about humble mercinary Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) trying to get his life (and face) back after he finds himself on the wrong end of a science experiment gone sideways. He’s gotta get his girl (Morena Baccarin) and put the screws to some bad guys, not necessarily in that order.

Arguably, it’s a little light on story. The movie continually segues between Wade’s life before and after the experiment that made him Deadpool, and not a whole lot happens in between. It’s not unlike any other action movie where a handsome white male kicks ass and takes names–

–sorry– for the sake of love. But it is, you know, a Deadpool film, so there’s plenty of violence and sex jokes and fourth wall breaking to keep you entertained. Luckily for me, I was sitting directly behind a person using a screen reader for the hearing impaired. Trust me when I say that you haven’t lived till you’ve seen the phrase “muppet farts” scroll across a tiny digital screen in a dark movie theater.

I understand that this movie is most definitely not for everyone. Specifically, it’s not for your kids. This is not an Avengers movie, as evidenced by the three minute long, full-frontal sex montage in the first act. Again I stress, don’t bring your children (I’m looking at you, lady sitting next to me with three moppets under the age of ten).

But if you are a mature, consenting adult who doesn’t mind having this image…

bouncing around in your brain-box for the rest of you life, this might be the movie for you.

–Whitney Weldon