Fangirly Crush of the Week: Poe Dameron and Finn

Far, far away and long, long ago

Lived Finn

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and his rebel associate, Poe

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Their bravery earned them the widest acclaim

Combined sex appeal got them all kinds of game

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The Galaxy by their deeds was impacted

And the enemy by their butts was distracted

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In all the ‘Verse, there wasn’t a Lady or Foe

That wasn’t slayed by the likes of Finn and Poe

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But it ain’t gonna work, girls, go cry to your mother

‘Cause these dudes only have eyes for each other.

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Whitney Weldon

 

 

 

 

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Fangirly Crush of the Week: Michael Fassbender

How.

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No.

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Why must God always allow bad things happen to good heartthrobs?

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YES. Exactly.

Today I made a discovery that shook me to my core. My very core. Roughly around the area of my skeleton. The boniest part of me, readers. Because I saw X-Men: Apocalypse this week, I decided to look back at the Fangirly archives and see what we’d written about star Michael Fassbender. The answer? DISGUSTINGLY LITTLE. He’s never been the crush of any week. Nary a mention to be found.

I’m nothing short of shamed and astonished. How did Iggy Friggin’ Azalea get love and recognition before this guy?

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I guess what I really wanted to say is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that Ellen and I have so deeply betrayed the public’s trust. You’ve come to depend on us to be nothing if not exhaustive in our celebrity crushing. Such an oversight is inexcusable. We will be taking the next seven days off from writing Crushes of the Week to reevaluate, spend time with our celebrity crushes, and get our priorities in order. We’d also like to apologize to Michael Fassbender, who has been our rock through this trying time. Thank you for being the incarnation of masculine perfection.

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Whitney Weldon

Crushes of the Week: Our Top Ten Harry Potter Crushes

Only a millennial can understand the oppressive nature of a Harry Potter crush. It’s the kind of love that won’t let you go, and to honor that love, we’re listing our most violent Potter Passions.

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10) Snape

There are two things we can’t resist here a Fangirly: a long-term undercover sting operation and undying love. So… Snape.

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We get why Lily didn’t go for it (can’t blame a girl for not wanting to live on a Hogwarts teacher’s salary?), but Snape really knew how to make stalking your childhood sweetheart seem only fractionally as creepy as it should have been.

9) Sirius Black

Sirius was my first HP crush, and the passion has yet to abate. Nine years old isn’t too young to learn that sexy bad boys are always a good choice when you’re looking for auxiliary guardianship of your only child. If they aren’t in a Dementor-guarded gulag or on the run from the law, they make bitchin’ godfathers. (Get it? Bitchin’? Cause… he was a dog sometimes?)

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8) The Shrunken Head from the Knight Bus

Would you believe me if I said I have my reasons?

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7 and 6) Fred and George Wesley

The most common of all wizarding crushes. They were funny. They were entrepreneurial. And they were identical. I want to explain why that is such a major selling-point for me, but my mom reads this blog sometimes. I’ll try to keep this post clean, even though my Fred and George fantasies are anything but.

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5) Dobby

What do you want me to say?! I like a guy with an independent streak.

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*swoon*

4) Neville Longbottom

Who could have guessed that the little chub-scout from The Sorcerer’s Stone  would become one of the franchises most reputable Dream-sicles?

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It’s fortunate for him that he finally grew into his hunkiness, because “Mrs. Longbottom” is going to be a tough sell for anybody.

3) Barty Crouch Jr.

I’m not sure what it is about Barty Crouch Jr. Maybe it’s his daddy issues. Maybe it’s the way he licks his lips like he doubled-down on his last dose of Risperdal.

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I’m only saying that if you don’t want to raise a generation of confused women, don’t cast sexy British actors to play mass murders. That’s just common sense.

2) Victor Krum

I don’t think it’s an accident that “Krum” rhymes with “yum”, you guys.

It’s also worth noting that lakeside calisthenics are the the way to any woman’s heart

And finally,

1) Tom Riddle

I understand that he grew into a nose-less genocidal maniac. I get that he murdered people. I’m aware that he had a weird relationship with a snake.

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But you need to understand that I’m only human. I can take only so much.

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And I think YOU’LL find that won’t be necessary. Let’s do this.

Whitney Weldon

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Anthony Mackie

From a fangirl’s perspective, Captain America: Civil War is really the gift that keeps giving.

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And giving.

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And giving.

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And giving.

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Tempt me not, MCU, for I am weak. And nothing makes us weaker (particularly in the knee department) than the Civil War standout, Anthony Mackie, AKA Falcon.

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Cut. The. Check.

With his indomitable charm, on-point delivery, and eyelashes that can generate their own wind currents,  Anthony Mackie took this character from chummy to scrummy.

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Falcon may not be Captain America’s best friend, but he’s certainly his dishiest.

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So we salute you, Anthony Mackie. May your damn fine self be ever present in our Tumblr feeds, and our hearts.

Whitney Weldon

(This post was brought to you by too much time on Fangirly’s hands).

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Fangirly Crush of the Week: James Norton

Have you ever seen a man who looks so good in period clothes that you wonder why men ever stopped wearing cravats and breeches?

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Now you have.

James Norton has been a moderately progressive aristocrat in Belle. He’s played a lovelorn suitor in Death Comes to Pemberly. He’s been a laconic bad boy in Happy Valley. But most recently he’s been scorching the small screen as Sydney Chambers, country vicar who just can’t play by the rules, in Grantchester. Ne’re have I seen a dude make a dog collar look quite as Fresh to Death as it does here (I’m issuing a swoon alert on the following picture)-

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In the words of the Immortal Bard… damn.

If you’ve allowed this specimen of English manhood go unnoticed, I offer you my 1364037662126magnanimous pardon, as his CV consists almost exclusively of films and shows from the
other side of the pond. But between his increasingly impressive credentials and his perfect hair, a career in Hollywood isn’t inconceivable.  If you want to familiarize yourself with his body… of work, you can catch the latest season of Grantchester on your local PBS station. Just be warned that James Norton is going to ruin you for all other tall, blue eyed, square-jawed Brits.

Whitney

An Interview with Oscar Isaac

Fangirly has been blessed with many fascinating, hard-hitting interviews during our run as the internet’s most obsolete entertainment blog. Today, we’re continuing that streak as we chat with one of this years biggest break-out stars, Oscar Isaac!

Oscar, we are so, so excited to sit down with you today.

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Um… my name is… um… I know this… Melissa? Sorry, it’ll come back to me.

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So, anyway, you’ve had a pretty big year. There’s been so much good buzz about all your performances–

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Well, yeah, arguably I haven’t spoken to Jean… Sorry, who’s Jean?

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Oh, I’m sorry man…

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Do you… do you wanna have a little dance party? Wake you up, maybe?

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Wow, I really thought that would take more persuasion…

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 So now that we’ve successfully brought the funk, you wanna talk about some of your upcoming projects? 

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… Um, so you’re playing Apocalypse in the new X-Men movie. What drew you to playing a bad guy?

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Whoa, hey man! Leave Carla Gugino out of this! You’re Hulking out, dude!

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Yep, get it all out…

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You good?

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Cool. So I was hoping we could just talk about Ex Machina and–

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Um… why?

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Yeah, totally, but can we also just talk about Ex Machina and the gender politics–

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Great, yeah, let’s do it!

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Oh, are you being philosophical or really asking? 

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Wait, seriously?

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You know, it’s the social and biological differentiation between male and female organisms…

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Well, we are unfortunately all out of time! Do you have anything you wanna say before we go? Maybe a shout-out to your Star Wars co-star John Boyega?

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Sorry, did you say, “Llewyn is the cat”?

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Oh, got it. Thanks so much for being with us today! In case it wasn’t clear, we love you here at Fangirly.

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Whitney Weldon

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Enver Gjokaj

Earlier this week, Whitney made a very strong case for why you and everyone on planet Earth should be watching Marvel’s Agent Carter.  I will now give you a lesser, but still very compelling reason, that of of Mr. Enver Gjokaj as Chief née Agent Daniel Sousa.

First of all, he looks like this:

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Second, he is funny and self-effacing on Twitter:

But, finally, and most importantly in my mind, you can’t help but fall in love with his character.  Sousa is evolving before our very eyes as he goes from self-conscious victim of war to slightly more confident Chief of the LA division of the SSR who kicks butt despite his disability.  I’m also rooting for him to be evolving into the future Mr. Carter but we will have to wait on see on that front (but it is SO happening).   For the time being, I will enjoy the romantically entagled angst and his 1940’s style Magnum PI vibe that he has going this season., because it is all working.  Well.

What else are we going to have to do to make you watch this show?

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That should do it.

-Ellen