Fangirly Presents: Why Women aren’t Funny

You know what sucks?

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And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I was informed today that women are, tragically, not funny.

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It’s true.

I know this because the person who let me in on this secret was, himself, blessed with a penis, so you know he knows comedy.

At first I was furious. How could someone make, with such confidence, such a blatantly untrue generalization?

Then I thought about it. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s right.

Women really aren’t funny.

I mean, we have no sense of irony.

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Woman are historically terrible at physical comedy.

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Honestly, how many women can do impressions?

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I think, and this is just me, that women are too preoccupied with their appearance to be funny.

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And you know who really isn’t funny? Mature women.

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Maybe if we didn’t harp so much about objectification in the media.

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Maybe if we just got better at rolling with the punches.

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If we weren’t so damn prissy. You know, developed a sense of bathroom humor.

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It’s no wonder that male comedians don’t want to work with women.

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And why there aren’t any good female comedy duos.

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Who would have thought that ovaries, those things that launch our transformations into raging hose beasts with each new moon, would be the agents of our comedic destruction?

Let’s rally, ladies. Let’s focus on our strengths. Like wifery.

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And being good at literally everything else.

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Actually… wait…

I think I just thought of a joke.

Ok, bare with me, I’m new at this.

What did the woman say to the dumb-ass who thinks women aren’t funny?

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Get it?

Whitney Weldon

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Choice Picks: If You Don’t Like These Movies, We Probably Can’t be Friends

Making friends as an adult can be fraught with drama and disappointment. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten excited about a burgeoning friendship, only to find that the person’s favorite show is Criminal Minds or (heaven forbid)  Angel. It’s a struggle to which we can all relate. So to guard myself from forming platonic attachments I’d live to regret, I developed this friendship litmus test. The idea is that I expose this potential pal to the movies that are, essentially, celluloid chunks of my very soul, and if their response is less than enthusiastic, I cut ’em loose. It sounds mean, but I’m really just saving everyone’s time. Let’s dig in.

super-85. Super 8 (2011)

Super 8 is pretty much everything I ever wanted in a movie: 70’s nostalgia, aliens, Kyle Chandler being a dad, 12-year-olds swearing. This movie came out during the same summer that brought us Bridesmaids, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, and X-Men: First Class, and for me, it eclipsed all of them. When I FORCE a friend to watch this movie, I pay close attention to their face during the scene where Joel Courtney sacrifices his dead mother’s locket to help a wayward alien get back home; if they are not weeping without restraint, I don’t see much of a future for us.

4. Wayne’s Worldwaynes-world-2-20090512040018349-000

Approximately 90 percent of everything that comes out of my mouth is a direct quote from this movie. Last Christmas, my mother handed me a gift and my knee-jerk response was “If this is a severed head, I’m going to be very upset”. That is a true story. So I’m not saying that people who don’t like this movie aren’t cool (out loud), but if you don’t know this film inside and out, there will probably be an insurmountable language barrier between us. Alas.

1450660-7_evil_ex_boyfriends_scott_pilgrim_vs_the_world3. Scott Pilgrim V. The World

This is a fairly recent addition to the list. I coerced a friend into watching this only last February and TO MY HORROR this schlemiel fell asleep half way through. When questioned, their response was “it was kind of stupid”. I have never been so personally offended by a critique of another persons work in my life. Too irate for words. Scott Pilgrim is a lot of things, and stupid is not one of them. This is one of the densest scripts ever to be committed to film; the jokes are so smart and packed in so tightly that most of them are missed on the first viewing. Haters can kindly step to the left. Right off a cliff.

2. The OrphanageBest-Movie-Ghosts-Demons-Tomas-The-Orphanage

This movie serves a duel purpose. One, it tells me what kind horror viewer a person is. Do they shriek in my ear? Do they claw at me during the scary parts? Can they conduct themselves with composure befitting a grown-up when the old lady in the goggle glasses pops out of nowhere? Two, is this the kind of person who whines about subtitles? Not that I’m one of those Art-House-Foreign-Film Elitists, but come on. It’s fifth grade level reading. Suck it up.

Unbreakable1. Unbreakable

I caught this movie while channel surfing after school one afternoon and decided, at the tender age of 11, that this was about as good as a movie gets. Its a non-comic based superhero movie about a man (Bruce Willis) who realizes that he can’t be hurt. It’s dark and terse and such a slow burn. If a friend trusts me enough to sit through 45 minutes of character development and backstory to reach this beautiful pay-off, I can see us going the distance. In friendship terms.

Whitney

Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

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Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

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But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

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The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

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Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

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Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

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But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

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And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

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So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

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Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

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Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

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That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

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Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

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Whitney

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Chris O’Dowd

bridesmaids-rhodesBlame it on my recent viewing of Bridesmaids, where he plays the perfect male (that is not hyperbole).  Blame it on his meteoric rise to hotness on The IT Crowd.  Blame it on the recent feature on him in Entertainment Weekly, where he was utterly charming.    Blame it on the billboards all over LA for Family Tree with his adorable face.   Blame it on whatever you want, but it will not be denied that I am feeling Chris O’Dowd in a major way right now.  I mean, look at how adorable he is?!  And seriously, watch Bridesmaids and try to not fall in love with him.  It can’t be done unless your heart is made of cold, hard, unfeeling, black granite.

Or, better yet, you can just watch the video below and try to avoid his wonderful blend of humor and charm.   It can’t be done!  (Also, try to not hear Whitney and I squealing at Ewan McGregor, Chris O’Dowd and Graham Norton being in a room together).

– Ellen

Debunking the Myths of Pitch Perfect

Some of you may recall from a previous post that I had acquired an addiction for watching the trailer of Pitch Perfect.  It is a blessed relief that this movie came out this weekend in select cities, one of which I inhabit, because I needed more to base this obsession on than the trailer and brief promo clip alone.

In talking to people about this movie, both before and after seeing it, there seem to be a lot of preconceived notions out there as to what this movie is all about.  I thought this would be a good opportunity to debunk some of those myths while also gush about how much I FREAKING LOVED THIS MOVIE!

Let’s proceed, shall we:

1. This is a Glee rip-off – They are singing at a school and, yes, they go to Regionals with aims for Nationals.  But that is pretty much where the similarities end.  One of my moviegoing comrades put it well when she described it as “Bridesmaids with a capella”.  This is Glee with a heck of a lot more bite.

2. All of the funny lines are in the trailer – False.  The truth of the matter is that they can’t put all of the funny lines in the trailer because of that “approved for appropriate audiences” disclaimer.  Let’s just say, this movie went to levels I was not expecting it to go to, but I was happy to ride along.

3. Rebel Wilson is the only good part –  There is no denying that Rebel Wilson is a major scene-stealer, but I feel like the trailers are making her seem like the only funny character when that isn’t the case.  Every character seems to have their moment to shine, especially the girls in the Bellas.  For example, there is the soft-spoken Asian girl who says her lines so quietly that the other girls don’t hear her talking about her time in County or how she ate her twin in the womb.  And then there’s the boy.  Being the type of movie that it is, there has to be a boy.  Skylar Astin’s Jesse is both charming and dorky at same time, which suits me just fine.  Ladies, go see it and tell me if you aren’t swooning by the end.

4. A Capella music?  Please. – This one is harder for me to address, because I find a capella to be entertaining.  I don’t listen to it on a regular basis, but it is definitely entertaining to see performed.  That said, a capella aside, the mash-ups in the movie are really cool, unique, and not necessarily all current top 40, which I found refreshing.   Did I buy the soundtrack when I got home?  Guilty.  If loving fun mash-ups is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

5. That’s a total chick movie – Speaking as a chick, I can’t definitively say that all dudes would love this movie, but I believe I can safely say that any guy that would be dragged to it by his girlfriend/sister/mother/girl he is pursuing would leave the theatre being pleasantly surprised at how much he enjoyed it.  There was a fair amount of the menfolk in our (sold out) screening and there didn’t seem to be any sour faces in the lobby afterwards.

Bottom line:  I was beyond excited to see this movie and my expectations were exceeded.  It was everything I wanted it be and more.  If you don’t take pleasure in the joys that life has to offer, then you probably shouldn’t see this movie, but if you are into that then you might like it.  All I know is that this movie was the most fun I’ve had at the theatre in a long while.

Did you see it this weekend?  Do you want to see it?  Did I change your mind about seeing it, for better or worse?  Let me know!

Ellen