Whit looked upon, with growing fright

As summer came a’knocking

Ellen’s birthday poem she soon must write,

Or the gossip t’would be shocking

• 

But how capture, with word or rhyme,

A woman quite like Ellen?

To undersell would be a crime,

And Whitney would turn felon

• 

So Whit, sunk low with writers woes,

Did aught she knew to do

She turned to Ellen’s TV beaus

In hopes they’d have a clue

• 

The Duke was first up to the bat

His time for service came

But all he could do was smoulder at

Mere mention of Ellen’s name

• 

Roy Kent was next, fresh from the pitch

With sex appeal to spare

But Ellen had him so bewitched

He turned into a square

• 

For Jamie, Whitney’s hopes were higher,

But all he could do was sing

To a seagull on a tire

And sand with his toes did fling

• 

• 

• 

Whitney cried up to the sky

“Oh what am I to do?

I need a helpful TV guy

And I’ve talked to quite a few!”

• 

Ted Lasso had a clever scheme,

When he heard Whit’s mournful prayer

“Let Ellen know you’re on her team,

Just tell her that you care.”

• 

“Oh, shut up Ted!” Our Whitney said,

And turned to the Mischief God

“Help me, Loki,” she desperately plead,

“I need to wow this broad!”

• 

He said, “This time I think I must assent,

With that gleeful mustache, there

Your answer isn’t a TV gent

But the love you and Ellen share.”

• 

So here’s my birthday wish to you

Dear Ellen, friend and cousin,

I hope your birthday dreams come true

By the bakers dozen

• 

I hope it’s clear to you by now,

I don’t write this on a whim

I had a need to tell you how

You’re the double Chim Chim

Love, Whitney