Fangirly Presents: Why Women aren’t Funny

Posted in Fan-Rants, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

You know what sucks?

And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I was informed today that women are, tragically, not funny.

It’s true.

I know this because the person who let me in on this secret was, himself, blessed with a penis, so you know he knows comedy.

At first I was furious. How could someone make, with such confidence, such a blatantly untrue generalization?

Then I thought about it. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s right.

Women really aren’t funny.

I mean, we have no sense of irony.

Woman are historically terrible at physical comedy.

Honestly, how many women can do impressions?

I think, and this is just me, that women are too preoccupied with their appearance to be funny.

And you know who really isn’t funny? Mature women.

Maybe if we didn’t harp so much about objectification in the media.

Maybe if we just got better at rolling with the punches.

If we weren’t so damn prissy. You know, developed a sense of bathroom humor.

It’s no wonder that male comedians don’t want to work with women.

And why there aren’t any good female comedy duos.

Who would have thought that ovaries, those things that launch our transformations into raging hose beasts with each new moon, would be the agents of our comedic destruction?

Let’s rally, ladies. Let’s focus on our strengths. Like wifery.

And being good at literally everything else.

Actually… wait…

I think I just thought of a joke.

Ok, bare with me, I’m new at this.

What did the woman say to the dumb-ass who thinks women aren’t funny?

Get it?

–Whitney Weldon

23May2016

Crushes of the Week: Our Top Ten Harry Potter Crushes

Posted in Crush of the Week, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

Only a millennial can understand the oppressive nature of a Harry Potter crush. It’s the kind of love that won’t let you go, and to honor that love, we’re listing our most violent Potter Passions.

10) Snape

There are two things we can’t resist here a Fangirly: a long-term undercover sting operation and undying love. So… Snape.

We get why Lily didn’t go for it (can’t blame a girl for not wanting to live on a Hogwarts teacher’s salary?), but Snape really knew how to make stalking your childhood sweetheart seem only fractionally as creepy as it should have been.

9) Sirius Black

Sirius was my first HP crush, and the passion has yet to abate. Nine years old isn’t too young to learn that sexy bad boys are always a good choice when you’re looking for auxiliary guardianship of your only child. If they aren’t in a Dementor-guarded gulag or on the run from the law, they make bitchin’ godfathers. (Get it? Bitchin’? Cause… he was a dog sometimes?)

8) The Shrunken Head from the Knight Bus

Would you believe me if I said I have my reasons?

7 and 6) Fred and George Wesley

The most common of all wizarding crushes. They were funny. They were entrepreneurial. And they were identical. I want to explain why that is such a major selling-point for me, but my mom reads this blog sometimes. I’ll try to keep this post clean, even though my Fred and George fantasies are anything but.

5) Dobby

What do you want me to say?! I like a guy with an independent streak.

*swoon*

4) Neville Longbottom

Who could have guessed that the little chub-scout from The Sorcerer’s Stone would become one of the franchises most reputable Dream-sicles?

It’s fortunate for him that he finally grew into his hunkiness, because “Mrs. Longbottom” is going to be a tough sell for anybody.

3) Barty Crouch Jr.

I’m not sure what it is about Barty Crouch Jr. Maybe it’s his daddy issues. Maybe it’s the way he licks his lips like he doubled-down on his last dose of Risperdal.

I’m only saying that if you don’t want to raise a generation of confused women, don’t cast sexy British actors to play mass murders. That’s just common sense.

2) Victor Krum

I don’t think it’s an accident that “Krum” rhymes with “yum”, you guys.

Viktor-Krum-viktor-krum-20071479-500-201

It’s also worth noting that lakeside calisthenics are the the way to any woman’s heart

And finally,

1) Tom Riddle

I understand that he grew into a nose-less genocidal maniac. I get that he murdered people. I’m aware that he had a weird relationship with a snake.

But you need to understand that I’m only human. I can take only so much.

And I think YOU’LL find that won’t be necessary. Let’s do this.

–Whitney Weldon

15Feb2016

The Fangirly Show: Episode # 8 Fangirling Over Upcoming 2016 Releases (With Special Guest: Our Cousin Sam!)

Posted in Movies, The Fangirly Show by Ellen Lloyd

Whitney and Ellen are joined by their cousin Sam (for the male perspective) to go over some of the big releases that we have to look forward to in 2016. Is this the year we finally get sick of superhero movies? (Mmm, probably not). Does Whitney’s roommate have really bad taste in music that she blasts through their apartment? (Spoiler: Yes). Also, the gang throws out some crazy hypothetical situations to try and stump each other. Is there any situation in which Ellen would not go on a date with a Marvel Chris? Listen to find out.

*Circumstances led to Ellen having to use a very bad mic. Apologies in advance.

You can listen and subscribe HERE on iTunes or you can go HERE to listen and let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

9Nov2015

The Fangirly Show: Episode #4 Fangirling Over Girl Power

Posted in The Fangirly Show, Uncategorized by Ellen Lloyd

Ellen and Whitney get deep into it while discussing strong females on TV and movies, diving into which shows are doing the ladies proud and which have some explaining to do. How are gender politics affecting fandoms? And is SNL doing right by its ladies? Plus, a rapid fire game of Either/Or to get to know us better. Star Wars or Star Trek? Friends or Seinfeld? Listen to find out!

You can listen and subscribe HERE on iTunes or you can go HERE to listen and let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

20Aug2015

23 Times Liz Lemon Hit Too Close to Home

Posted in Fangirly Exposed!, TV by Ellen Lloyd

Lately, I have been re-watching 30 Rock, just because. It’s like one of those times when you meet up with an old friend and it is as if no time has passed. If anything, you just remember how awesome that friend is and how much you miss them.

While I have always identified with Liz Lemon, I am realizing that age is only bringing me further into my Liz Lemonhood. Let’s explore.

1. Post work evenings are more like this:

2. Whenever I put on makeup and my contacts I feel like this:

3. If ever I have a conversation with a crush without wanting to cringe:

4. Never knowing how to comfort people going through a hard time:

5. Anytime I go to a sporting event: Continue reading →

7Aug2015

Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Posted in Fangirl Poetry by Whitney Weldon

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

–Whitney

6Mar2015

Sweet Streams: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Posted in Get with the Program, Sweet Streams, TV by Ellen Lloyd

Netflix released the first season of their new show Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt today, so of course, I have already watched the whole thing. And I loved it. That is going to be pretty much a guarantee if you attach Tina Fey to a new project. Tina and fellow 30 Rock executive producer Robert Carlock bring us this new show about an unbreakable girl named Kimmy Schmidt (get it?) who moves to New York for a fresh start after being released from an underground bunker where she has been living for 15 years with her apocalypse cult sisters. Did you follow that?

Admittedly, I wasn’t immediately sold on this show after the first episode, but much like 30 Rock and every other comedy, it really finds its groove as it moves along. Ellie Kemper is utterly charming as the titular Kimmy, who is just rife with sunny optimism, 90’s pop culture knowledge, and a middle school naivete (she was kidnapped 15 years ago, remember?). The rest of the cast gets plenty time to shine with Tituss Burgess as Titus Andromedon, Kimmy’s new roommate, Carol Kane as Lillian, their eccentric landlord, and Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney, I mean, Jacqueline Voorhees, Kimmy’s rich boss who hires her as a nanny.

The best praise I can give this show, though, is that it is very similar to 30 Rock in it’s pacing and humor with the sunny optimism of Parks and Recreation. If you know me at all, you know that is high praise indeed. The jokes are rapid fire, making rewatchability high, the guest stars are high caliber (I wouldn’t dare spoil some of them for you), the pop culture references are a plenty (the Olsen twins are actually the Olsen octuplets), and there are moments so bizarre that they rival “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” (VH3’s Joe Invisible Millionaire, anyone?). Kimmy, who responds to someone calling her a bitch with “A female dog? The thing that makes puppies?”, has the same can-do spirit as Leslie Knope. Also, at first glance she may be misjudged as weak given the whole cult thing, but really she is a strong, independent woman who doesn’t get taken down easily. Also, if you like snappy theme songs that are based on fake viral videos, then this is the show for you.

To sum it all up, I’m already eager for season 2 (the only issue I have with the Netflix model of entire seasons at once) and I recommend that you join me in the wait.

–Ellen

16Jun2013

A Birthday Tribute to Whitney

Posted in TV by Ellen Lloyd

In years past, I have compiled lists of all of my birthday wishes for Whitney on this, the day after her birth (because I am a procrastinator). My wishes started out somewhat realistic, such as Bones and Booth getting it on and having a baby (NAILED IT! (that’s what he said)), but my wishes have become more unrealistic, such as last year’s wish that I would meet an adorable geek at Comic Con who would build a teleportation device that would allow Whitney and I to be able to watch TV together every night. Because that kind of technology should be used for something important.

What is one to do when their highly unrealistic goals are unattained? Wish for something even more ridiculously far-fetched, of course! Putting it out into the ether is all that matters. The more outlandish the wish, the more likely you are to get some semblance of it, right?

With that, I give you, but more importantly, Whitney, my list of wishes for her on her (day after her) birthday:

Continue reading →

2Apr2013

Run-On Sentence Reviews: Admission

Posted in Movies, Run-On Sentence Reviews by Ellen Lloyd

I went into this thinking “Tina Fey and Paul Rudd, my girlfriend and boyfriend in one movie, what could possibly go wrong?” and while nothing necessarily went wrong, per se, there wasn’t anything that went crazy right either and that left me a little sad inside because while Paul Rudd was adorable as ever this was pretty much my dream team cast and it didn’t live up to expectations but I would recommend that if you go see it to know that it is NOT a comedy but more of a drama with somewhat humorous moments because everyone I went with was expecting it to be a laugh a minute and that will only lead to extreme disappointment.

Verdict: Meh. You can wait for Redbox.

– Ellen

31Jan2013

TV Obituaries: RIP 30 Rock

Posted in Nostalgia, TV, TV Obituaries by Whitney Weldon

I’ve been trying really hard to be bitter about the end of 30 Rock, the show that basically shaped Ellen and me as adults and perpetual weirdoes, but I can’t. The truth is, NBC had no reason to pick up Tina Fey’s beloved brainchild after that initial 12 episode run seven years ago, but they did. They took a chance on 30 Rock, and now all they have to show for it is a truck-load of Emmys, insane critical and commercial success, and the gratitude of this humble nerd.

I love this show more than I can express without bursting into tears/hysterical laughter. Liz Lemon wasn’t like any other female character on television at the time. She was weird and obsessive and cool and smart, and for the first time my thirteen year old self saw someone on TV worth looking up to.

My fondest 30 Rock memory happened during my high school years. It was one of those glorious weekends when my parents decided to take their adorable act on the road, leaving me to experience the world of independent living for a few days. Glorious, that is, until the sun went down and the house started making weird noises (did the fridge always sound like that?) and I suddenly regretted watching quite so much Law and Order: SVU. In an attempt to stave off the panic I could feel building in my teenage tummy, I started flipping though our DVR in search of something entertaining enough to take my mind off the rising crime rates in my hometown but innocuous enough to help me fall asleep. Pretty soon I stumbled upon “Black Tie”, the 30 Rock episode where Liz and Jack attend a birthday bash for a fantastically inbred Austrian prince played by the one and only Paul Reubens. Pretty soon I was so involved in their misadventures I completely forgot to worry about being murdered in my sleep. Mostly.

So thank you 30 Rock. Thanks for being the coolest, funniest, most bizarre show on TV. Thanks for giving Ellen and me a reason to hang out on Thursday nights. My one parting request? Get Jack McBrayer a new show. Mama needs her weekly dose of apple-faced goon.

-Whitney

14Jan2013

Awards by the Minute: Golden Globes

Posted in Movies, TV by Ellen Lloyd

Join me, as I get angry, joyous, and ambivalent over the course of an entire award ceremony.

0:00 Guys, not going to lie, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey have a lot to live up to for this old girl. But given how much I love them and anything that comes out of their mouths, I’m sure they will deliver.

0:01 Off to a great start: “Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.”

0:02 When you run afoul of the Hollywood Foreign Press, they make you host this show two more times.

0:03 Ooooh, James Cameron burn goes over swimmingly and will probably be the edgiest burn of the night. “I have not been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty, but I’m going to trust the lady who was married to James Cameron.”

0:04 Provin’ me wrong: “Anne Hathaway, I have not seen anyone left alone and abandoned like that since you did the Oscars with James Franco.”

0:05 And the award for Joke only Liz Lemon could have written goes to: “The Hunger Games was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress,” “Ang Lee’s been nominated for Best Director for Life of Pi, which is what I’m going to call the six weeks after I take this dress off!”

0:05 Quentin Tarantino is coincidentally the star of all my sexual nightmares, as well Tina. This is why I love her.

0:06 I loved Meryl Streep in The Flu, everyone is raving about it.

0:07 Also, it needs to addressed how smoking my ladies are looking.

0:08 They have to cut away from Lea Michele before she says something really bratty about Kate Hudson’s dress (which would not be completely unfounded).

0:09 Christoph Waltz gets Best Supporting Actor in a Film and I am actually someone surprised. Everyone is saying Tommy Lee Jones is a lock, but Waltz’ performance is something to behold.

0:12 How did Hayden Pannetierre get nominated? She is good at best. I was expecting less, so that is saying something.

0:13 Will Maggie Smith ever NOT win for Downton Abbey?

0:17 I have to admit, that mini-series and TV movie categories are always my blind spot, but I do want to see The Hour. Shocker: Game Change wins.

0:21 Oh my gosh, please tell me that Amy and Tina are going to be sitting in the crowd all night as fake nominees. Please, Golden Globes!

0:23 And here to remind a Hollywood that has become increasingly obsessed with musicals that she can sing: Catherine Zeta-Jones!

0:30 You can hear America tuning out as the HFPA president is announced, but she is actually quite cute and funny and hits on Bradley Cooper, so we have that in common.

0:31 Oh, hey, lifetime crush Paul Rudd.

0:32 I do not watch Homeland, but I love Damien Lewis so much from Band of Brothers and this really random adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing that he did, that I am always happy to see him win anything. So charming.

0:35 Only Paul Rudd can make technical difficulties charming. And apparently I need to watch Homeland.

0:42 Pretty cool that they got the real Tony Medez (Argo) there even if you couldn’t hear anything he said.

0:46 You guys, how adorable is Ang Lee?

0:47 Is there any way that Adele is not going to win this? Not necessarily that she deserves it more, but just because she was Adele in 2012?

0:49 You guys, how adorable is Adele? Really, though.

0:55 I don’t think it will happen, but Benedict Cumbatch SHOULD win for Sherlock.

0:56 YES! They are doing the fake nominees for all of the acting categories it seems. This bodes well. But NO! Benedict didn’t get it.

0:58 Of course, Bill Clinton gets a standing ovation at the Golden Globes.

1:01 “That was Hillary Clinton’s husband!” Amy would say that.

1:02 Thank goodness we have SNL alum like Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig to liven this thing up.

1:06 Winners for best presenters of the night, so for, but probably for the night: Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig. “YOU GET OUT OF HERE!”

1:07 Jennifer Lawrence’s really should mention that she beat Meryl because that is an achievement at the Globes. And she is getting the award for most charming speech, so far.

1:13 You guys, how adorable is John Krasinski?

1:15 For award that is shocking no one: Anne Hatheway (but she does deserve it)

1:17 You guys, how adorable is Sally Field?

1:24 Shocked by the love for Django Unchained. Not that it is completely unfounded, just unexpected.

1:26 You guys, how adorable is Ewan McGregror?

1:28 In typical HFPA fashion, Don Cheadle wins just for being Don Cheadle and not for actually being a good show.

1:34 Arnold and Sly are BOTH pretty hard to understand. Don’t take steroids, kids.

1:38 Homeland is sweeping. Okay, I get it. I’ll watch this stupid show.

1:45 Somewhat of a strange intro for the Animated Feature Film category.

1:49 All of my dreams are coming true. Jason Bateman carried Aziz Ansari out on stage.

1:51 The Take That, Will Arnett Award goes to: Amy Poehler chatting it up with George Clooney when her name was announced. I was dying.

1:53 Amy should have won, but don’t get me started on the HFPA’s utter disregard for Parks and Rec

1:59 Warning Taylor Swift to stay away for Michael J. Fox is actually quite sage advice.

2:02 Did anybody else feel out of the loop during Robert Downey Jr.’s presentation of Jodie Foster’s Cecil B. DeMille Award?

2:04 You guys, the glee that I had at seeing Bugsy Malone on Jodie Foster’s reel is unparalleled. (Look it up, kids).

2:11 I’m sorry, but I don’t get why everyone was teary eyed by the end of Jodie Foster’s speech. She seemed somewhat the manic, crazy person, no?

2:17 For Biggest F You to the Academy: Ben Affleck for director of Argo, after not getting nominated for the Oscar. (Don’t get me started.)

2:22 Loved Jimmy Fallon trying to push Jay Leno out of The Tonight Show.

2:23 The Award that Should Have Been Parks and Rec’s: Girls for Best Comedy (Don’t get me started)

2:32 I really wanted Bradley Cooper to win Best Actor – Comedy or Musical. He deserves as much praise as Jennifer Lawrence but is not getting it because he is in the same awards season as Daniel Day-Lewis.

2:34 I am going to say this in the nicest way possible, but does anybody else find it incredibly endearing that Hugh Jackman’s wife is not as pretty as him? Just an observation.

2:40 I wanted Silver Linings Playbook to win, but I am fine with Les Mis winning.

2:47 Middle-aged Clooney DOES make young Clooney look like garbage.

2:48 Yay! Jessica Chastain! She really does deserve it. Her performance in Zero Dark Thirty was haunting, depressing, and exhilarating, all at once.

2:51 Once again, Daniel Day-Lewis’ win shocks no one, but he REALLY deserves it. His performance is eerily intoxicating.

2:58 When they were reading the announcements for Best Motion Picture – Drama, I realized that this one could go any way, but after Ben Affleck’s snub at the Oscars, I really wanted Argo to win… and I got my wish! Highly recommend this one, most crazy intense movie experience I have ever had. It took me a solid hour to come down from this movie.

3:00 Well, that’s it, folks. I was “meh” about most of the winners, in that I wasn’t surprised by a lot, was pissed about others, but more often, I had wished that someone else had won, but was okay with who won. This just makes me excited for the Oscars to see if they make me less pissed or more. Probably less, because I get more enraged by the TV nominees.

– Ellen

20Sep2012

Get with the Program: Parks and Rec!

Posted in Get with the Program, TV by Whitney Weldon

The day I heard that Amy Poehler was leaving SNL I literally thought my world was crashing down around me. I mean, the wound Tina Fey’s departure left in my heart was still pretty fresh and I didn’t think I could handle losing my other favorite cast member. So when I heard Poehler was developing a new show for NBC I was both relieved and deeply, deeply concerned. Because honestly, how many cast members have left SNL to pursue other things only to crash, burn, and fade into oblivion? I didn’t take into account, however, that Amy is one talented broad. Not only is her show Parks and Recreation the funniest sitcom on prime time TV, it also has the most heart. I’m embarrassed by how much I love this show. Seriously, even just thinking about it now makes me kind of giddy. This one scene, for example, makes me laugh so hard my head hurts…

I believe I can guess what your thinking. “Whitney, you hate The Office, which is basically the same premise as P and R! Whats the deal?” Valid, totally valid. I think what sets Parks apart is that I actually like and care about the characters on the show rather than just cringing and laughing uncomfortably whenever they do or say something stupid, which was my basic reaction to The Office. Case and point: here is a clip of Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt) endearing himself while acting stupid. Michael Scott, eat your heat out.

And I really couldn’t talk about Parks and Rec without mentioning my ever-increasing crush on Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott), the boffable nerd who successfully captured Leslie Knope’s (Amy Poehler) heart last season. And really, what lady could say no to this?…

The message boards aren’t the only ones going nuts, Ben.

I leave you with a clip that Ellen and I quoted for a solid six months. Jean Ralphio, take me there!