How Does ABC’s Selfie Suck? Let Me Count The Ways

I have one hard and fast rule about Fall TV season: no matter how much you may hate a pilot, it is VITAL that you make it to at least episode two. Because usually, the things we hate about pilots get ironed out during the first season. That is what first seasons are for. If the premise is good and the writing is solid, there is always room for hope. But some shows are so fundamentally flawed, so irreparably stupid that a second look only serves to draw out the inevitable and necessary cancellation. Selfie falls, face first, into this category just like Ellen said it would. Let’s break it down.

abc-selfie-eliza1) Eliza Dooley (Karen Gillan) might be the Worst, and not in a good way. I know that as one of Doctor Who‘s resident red heads, Amy Pond was kind of a polarizing character. And it is totally possible that I am projecting my dislike of The Girl Who Waited onto Eliza, a character with many of the same flaws that kept me from registering with the Amy Pond fan club (selfishness, over-confidence, tends to take others for granted). At least Amy was an interesting character; the most interesting thing about Eliza is her ability to fill two airplane yarf-bags. Which, when you think about it, really set the tone for the rest of the show.

2) Your main character should be redeemable, not reprehensible. By the end of the pilot, we should have had a reason to root for Eliza, and I don’t feel that we ever got it. Most of the attempts to add depth to her character were pretty weak (you mean, she was able to stash her distaste for the office hipster girls long enough to let them clean her apartment, loan her nice dresses, do her hair and make-up free of charge, and generally extend her an undeserved hand of friendship? What personal growth). If you are going to write horrible characters to populate your show, a la It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, at least make sure their horribleness is offset by their hilarity. Which brings me to…

3) Traditionally, TV comedies should be, you know, funny. If nothing else, Pilots should be clever enough to give audiences the idea that, even if the rest of the show isn’t prefect yet, the experience won’t be a total loss. Selfie did not make me laugh once, and I laugh at everything. Seriously. Everything.

4) Being unpopular in high school does not a tragic backstory make. Selfie isn’t the first show to try and make not being selfies-main-character-is-eliza-dooley-dooley-grew-up-being-most-butt-in-high-school-butt-as-in-ugly-so-she-modeled-herself-after-the-most-popular-girl-in-her-school-and-grew-up-to-be-beautiful-but-vapidthe most popular person in high school a credible excuse for sucking in the present, and it won’t be the last. TV comedies can still be fun and lighthearted even if they delve deeper than an unpleasant school dance experience. But Selfie is just as shallow as it’s main character, which is why I’ll be taking my business elsewhere. Better luck next year, ABC!

Whitney

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Choice Picks: Top Five Fictional Bands I Totally Wish Were Real

I am, by nature, pretty shameless when it comes to my tastes and pop culture preferences. However, I recently had to explain to a 12 year-old why Mouserat was the greatest band ever (which included my own rendition of “5000 Candles in the Wind”) and he managed to make me feel like a total bung-hole in a way only a 12 year-old can. That totally demoralizing conversation forced me to confront the fact that a really disproportionate number of my favorite bands are, umm, not real. To numb the shame, I compiled a list of the best fictional bands, ever.

5) The Electric Dream Machine (It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia)

 

4) Crutial Taunt (Wayne’s World)

 

3) The Wonders (That Thing You Do)

 

2) Clash at Demonhead (Scott Pilgrim v. The World)

 

1) Powerline (A Goofy Movie)

-Whitney

Fangirly Investigates: The Best Movies and TV to Help You Survive Finals Week

Are you stressed out beyond human endurance? Do you feel like your entire future depends on the outcome of a few essays and exams? Is your room so full of books, papers, and processed junk food that it looks like you’re preparing for the Rapture? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be suffering from Finals Week. We here at Fangirly know that academia can be a hard pill to swallow, so we’ve compiled a list of the best TV and movies to help you survive your last week before summer vacation!

mars14f-1-web1) Veronica Mars Season 2- Nothing puts your academic woes into perspective like watching this show about a teenage PI who manages to pull off a 4.0 GPA, work part-time at her fathers detective agency, and look good on a budget, all without breaking a sweat. After seeing VM graduate with honors AND figure out who orchestrated a tragic bus crash, you might think twice before whining about your course load.always-sunny-dayman

2) It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia- Should the worst happen and you totally bomb the biggest week of your semester, you can take comfort knowing that you are still way, WAY smarter than these idiots.

renfield3) Dracula (1931)- I bet you weren’t expecting this one! This primordial horror flick will help you break up the monotony of studying by allowing you to indulge your long-standing crush on Renfield (Dwight Frye). Oh wait, that’s just me? Ok, forget I said anything. Seriously.

Good Luck!

-Whitney

Grade A, Choice Picks: TV Proposals

I feel I am safe in shouting this from the rooftops now because it has been a week, but BEN AND LESLIE ARE GETTING MARRIED!  I couldn’t be happier for these two crazy kids.  Yeah, I know, they’re fictional but that doesn’t hinder my excitement for the most adorable couple on TV.

Their perfect proposal got me thinking about other TV proposals which got me thinking about making a list.  I have compiled 5 of my favorite with the following disclaimers: Ben and Leslie may very well top this list but it’s too fresh to tell for sure, so I excluded it here.  Also, these are only from the shows that I watch, so there are going to be blind spots that I missed.

5) Michael and Holly – The Office: In their mad dash to give Michael Scott an epic send-off, the Office crew brought Holly back to make sweetly dorky music with Michael again.  This was great because it got everyone involved and showed everyone’s attachment to Michael despite all of his buffoonery in the past.  And let’s not forget, it was sweetly romantic.  The simulated rain, the candles, the first place they fell in love, and any proposal that happens in Yoda voice is A-OK in my book.

4) Turk and Carla – Scrubs:  This proposal is greatly aided by it’s simplicity and Old 97’s “Question”.  Turk kept asking and asking and Carla kept refusing to give an answer, until she calls Turk and tells him to ask again.  Turk comes running, they meet in a park, and we just watch as they finally get their moment.  Then, because this is still Scrubs, J.D. comes in running around with sparklers.  Love it.  And “Question” was playing in my car for a good couple months after this one.

3)  Charlie and The Waitress – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: That sweet guy who has been mooning over you at the coffee shop for years writes a musical so that he will finally have his moment to tell you how he really feels and propose marriage. Sounds kind of sweet, right?  Well, the musical has a pedophile troll, a princess who wants little, baby boys, and penetration from behind.  Not all proposals are perfect and it may not be a huge surprise that The Waitress turned down Charlie, but this one is still up there for me.

2) Jim and Pam – The Office: I was Team Jim and Pam from the very beginning (mainly because I had been Team UK Tim and Dawn and I knew what was coming).  I cheered when they finally kissed and I wept when Jim moved away and started dating Ann Perkins.  With all their ups and downs, their sweet proposal in the rain at the gas station that was halfway between them was perfect.  And I’m starting to realize that Michael Schur and Co. should plan all of life’s proposals.

1) Monica and Chandler – Friends:  I know I’m not alone, but I loved Friends.  Like, LOVED it.  My love of this proposal is only increased by the fact that Chandler was my favorite guy and Monica was my favorite girl.  This just seems to be TV doing a proposal right.  Just when it seems that everything has gone to hell in a hand basket, you open the door to find a room full of candles.  I love how neither of them can get through what they want to say without crying, because that will probably be me.  I’m a weeper.  Let’s move past it.

Honorable mentions:  Matt and Julie on Friday Night Lights, Homer and Marge on The Simpsons, Will and Emma on Glee

What do you think?  Did I miss your favorite?  Because in researching this, I realized that there haven’t been as many as you would think.

-Ellen

 

Fanmanly: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I don’t want you to think that by putting this show in our Fanmanly feature I believe that this is exclusively a “bro” show, but let’s not deny that it appeals and is aimed to the 18-24 male demographic.  It’s just the especially cool girls that are willing to see through that frat boy facade and recognize this show for the wickedly hilarious farce that it is.

Any show that can make you laugh through the cringing at poop jokes, biting social commentary, and degradation of humanity.  These characters are awful human beings.  There is no getting around it.  They are awful to each other (constantly comparing Dee to a bird and making Charlie do “Charlie Work”), they are awful to everyone around them (making a priest turn to drugs and trying to take a dumpster baby to a tanning salon), and they are awful to themselves (Charlie takes steroids to be a better underground street fight and Dee and Dennis get addicted to crack).

If any of that doesn’t sound like something you would enjoy watching, then this show isn’t for you because it gets worse.  Admittedly, I myself can only watch so much of this show in one sitting without beginning to weep for mankind knowing that there are actually people out there that are this sociopathic, narcissistic, and moronic.

I can’t mention this show without giving a shout out to my main man, Charlie, who is the only character on this show (with the occasional exception of Mac) who has any redeemable qualities.  Yes, he is not the brightest bulb in the box, but his heart is in the right place.  Don’t believe me?  Watch the clip below.  All he wants to do is help struggling cat owners.

And watch the show tonight when it premieres its eighth season!