Fangirly Presents: Why Women aren’t Funny

You know what sucks?

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And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I was informed today that women are, tragically, not funny.

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It’s true.

I know this because the person who let me in on this secret was, himself, blessed with a penis, so you know he knows comedy.

At first I was furious. How could someone make, with such confidence, such a blatantly untrue generalization?

Then I thought about it. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s right.

Women really aren’t funny.

I mean, we have no sense of irony.

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Woman are historically terrible at physical comedy.

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Honestly, how many women can do impressions?

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I think, and this is just me, that women are too preoccupied with their appearance to be funny.

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And you know who really isn’t funny? Mature women.

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Maybe if we didn’t harp so much about objectification in the media.

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Maybe if we just got better at rolling with the punches.

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If we weren’t so damn prissy. You know, developed a sense of bathroom humor.

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It’s no wonder that male comedians don’t want to work with women.

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And why there aren’t any good female comedy duos.

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Who would have thought that ovaries, those things that launch our transformations into raging hose beasts with each new moon, would be the agents of our comedic destruction?

Let’s rally, ladies. Let’s focus on our strengths. Like wifery.

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And being good at literally everything else.

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Actually… wait…

I think I just thought of a joke.

Ok, bare with me, I’m new at this.

What did the woman say to the dumb-ass who thinks women aren’t funny?

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Get it?

Whitney Weldon

TV Raised Me, and I Feel Fine

I saw my brother for the first time in months this last weekend. As insufferable as we are as individual units, we’re exponentially worse when we get together. Every other word is an inside joke (Sleepy Richard, earning your lunch meat, Pretzel Boy, moving about the house), and all the words in between are movie and TV quotes. This earns us little respect from the people around us. But this sibling shorthand we’ve developed comes from a shared childhood experience: we were raised by TV.

To be clear, we had great parents. We were always clean (ish), well-fed, and adequately loved. But when both of your parents work full time, TV is often used to fill the gaps. And when you come from a family of renowned movie buffs, a certain level of cultural literacy is expected. The problem is, when people learn this about you, you get a very specific look. It’s a look that says, “I’m so sorry for your unfulfilled life”. My response usually reflects my impeccable upbringing and unimpeachable manners.

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I appreciate your thinly veiled shade, but it is unnecessary. TV made me who I am, for better or worse. From a early age, I was exposed to movies and shows written by some of the cleverest people in the world.

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I learned social graces.

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I learned how to carefully formulate a snappy comeback.

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I realized that not everyone can be trusted.

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Sometimes these stories reflected my own experience.

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And sometimes they didn’t.

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But without them, I’d never be able to feel another person’s crushing disappointment.

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Or mortal terror.

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I wouldn’t know how it feels to watch someone you love die.

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I’d never understand how it feels to lose everything you have.

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Good TV, like a good book, gives us a window into another person’s experience,

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and explore realities that otherwise wouldn’t exist.

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TV made me empathetic, and forced me to experience emotions other than my own.

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So don’t be worried that your kids watch TV. Worry about what they watch on TV. Make sure that what they watch reflects the kind of person you want them to be. If it doesn’t…

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Make sure their shows are funny and smart.

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Make sure that they are gaining experiences beyond their own.

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And remind yourself to thank me later. I’ll wait.

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Whitney Weldon

The Fangirly Show: Episode # 7 Fangirling Over TV Revivals

Whitney and Ellen discuss the pros and cons from a bringing back a show from that underworld known as cancellation.  Is it a good thing or bad thing for the landscape of television?  But more importantly, has it ever been done well?  Plus, the ladies lay down their bets for their Fangirly Oscar Pool.  Who will win?   And who will have to suffer the consequences of losing?  (Odds are, Whitney).

You can listen and subscribe HERE on iTunes or you can go HERE to listen and let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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10 TV Couples That Are My Relationship Goals

There are many relationships on TV but only few are chosen… by me to someday emulate.  Many are fraught with drama and while those are fun to watch, I hope to someday have one that is more like the following:

10.  Monica and Chandler (Friends) – These two were my first OTP (internet speak for “One True Pairing”).  Shmoss and Shmachel, I only cared about Monica and Chanandler Bong.  I like that his amount of dorky is the perfect match to her amount of crazy.

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9.  Bob and Linda Belcher (Bob’s Burgers) – The Belchers are not only a relationship goal but a family goal.  Someday I hope to raise a similar band of weirdos.  Bob and Linda stick together and accept each other’s eccentricities amidst all the chaos.

8.  Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley (The Office) – Speaking of chaos, in a different bunch of weirdos, these two found each other.  They might have had a few (infuriating) bumps along the way to find each other but they did it.  I always loved that their relationship felt real.  They initially bonded over shared jokes and stayed together through hard work. Continue reading

Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

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Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

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But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

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The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

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Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

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Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

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But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

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And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

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So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

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Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

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Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

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That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

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Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

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Whitney

Fangirl Correspondence: A Letter to Ellen

My Dearest Ellen,

Gracious, how long it’s been! Why, I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of your radiant company since we danced together at your brother’s wedding. Too long by half, fair cousin.

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(I do apologize for the inclusion of Sam’s wayward eyebrow. Those things have no concept of personal space.)

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Enclosed is a picture of me, being just too Kevin Bacon for my own damn good.

As so much has happened since we last tore it up, I beg only a few short lines to fill you in…

I started taking better care of myself.

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I’m seeing someone new…

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(#wordplay)

I’ve made Pinterest my prison wife.

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I have resolved, many times, to watch less TV and dedicate myself to my studies. A resounding triumph, obviously.

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And now I’ve moved home for the summer, where accommodations are decidedly less expensive.

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I hope that this letter finds you well, and still the baddest of mama jamas.

I’ve also included an artists rendering of what you and I will look like in 20 years. I hope you are as trilled with the results as I am.

Yours Ever,

Whitney

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Get With the Program: Marry Me

marry-me-nbc-hed-2014During Fall Premiere season, sometime you have to step back and objectively evaluate each show based on their respective merits. I said sometimes you have to do that. I can’t. Tried, but can’t.

Which brings me to NBC’s new sitcom Marry Me. Now, my approval of this show was pretty much written in the stars. Firstly, it’s produced by David Caspe (if reading that name does not make you observe a moment of silence for our funny, fallen friend Happy Endings, there is a good chance you are a monster, or possibly have a life). Then there is the dazzling combined on-screen talents of Casey Wilson and Ken Marino, easily two of television’s funniest staples. Wilson and Marino play a couple in a long-term, quasi-committed relationship that gets turned on it’s head when Jake (Marino) proposes. I know, not exactly high concept, but some of the best sitcoms of all time have been based on even less (Cheers, Friends, Scrubs).

The supporting cast is none too shabby either, Tim Meadows, John Gemberling, and Sarah Wright being the most notable. marry-me-hed-01-2014One of the really impressive things about Marry Me is how it tricked us into thinking we’re watching a show about two attractive leads with occasional appearances from a supportive role, when really this is an ensemble. There are a lot of great characters here, and I have a feeling they are going to get the screen time they deserve. Assuming that this show doesn’t get chopped like another David Caspe gem I could mention. Yeah, ABC, still bitter.

-Whitney

Fictional Music Groups it’s Totally OK to Listen to Unironically

Mandonna (Happy Endings)

To this day, Mandonna’s rendition of “Like a Prayer” is the most hauntingly beautiful I’ve ever heard. Also, I love that they hum the intro for almost a full minute to give Penny (Casey Wilson) time to do the murderball bit. Team Friendship!

Robin Sparkles (How I Met Your Mother)

Phhfff. Like I needed an excuse to put on jelly bracelets and my cool graffiti coat.

Powerline (A Goofy Movie)

Wouldn’t it be, like, completely insane if I crafted this entire post for the sole purpose of posting another Poweline video? …Seriously, would it?

The Barden Bellas/ The Treblemakers (Pitch Perfect)

The Bellas and the Trebles make those Glee weirdos look like the S Club 7 of acapella.

The Sapphires (The Sapphires)

Fun Fact: The sapphires were an actual girl group that sang for the troops in Vietnam, but those chicks never put out a record on iTunes, so we must settle for the soundtrack version. And by settle I mean put it on repeat.

Billie Piper (Surprisingly, a real pop star)

When Robin Freaking Sparkles is a more realistic teen pop icon than you, your act must be remarkably whack. But clearly she did something right because I own, umm, three of her records.

Mouse Rat (Parks and Recreation)

I bet we all thought that there was no way Lady Di could ever be one-upped by a mini-horse. Then this happened.

Sex Bob-Omb (Scott Pilgrim V. The World)

I want to have this band’s adopted babies.

I am so in lesbians with this band

They are Sex Bob-Omb and they are here to sell out and make money and stuff.

(If that cluster-quote made no sense to you, you need to get less of a life).

Whitney

Grade A, Choice Picks: Top Christmas Episodes

Today, I give you my list of Christmas episodes.  This list is almost impossible to whittle down to just 10, so I made this a list of 15.  Also, I tried to keep the list to just one episode per show.  Some of these, I haven’t watched in a long time and some are brand new additions to the Holiday Episode list. Keep in mind that I don’t watch every show and I am very biased in my selection of the “best holiday episodes ever”, but I think you can enjoy my list regardless.

15. “The 23rd” New Girl: Season 1 – Nick really fouls things up when he tells Jess’ current boyfriend that she is not in love with him.  The real Christmas magic is when Nick wakes up the most decorated neighborhood in town, Candy Cane Lane, to turn on all of their lights to cheer her up.  Is it any wonder why these two are together now?

how.i.met.your.mother.11120514. “Symphony of Illumination” How I Met Your Mother: Season 7 – Definitely the biggest bummer episode on the list, but that is what makes this episode so great.  Robin takes the narrating reins and tells the story of when she thought she was pregnant to what turn out to be her imaginary children.  You see, Robin finds out that she cannot have children.  The true Christmas spirit comes when Ted cheers her up without knowing why she needs cheering up by setting up an elaborate Christmas light routine.

13. “Christmas Party Sex Trap” The Mindy Project: Season 2  Yes, this just aired, but hello!  Did you see Chris Messina dance to Aaliyah?  Yeah.  And if that weren’t enough, Mindy and Danny almost kiss!

Bones12. “Santa in the Slush” Bones: Season 3 – Ah, the good old days when the only person getting into the Bones-Booth mix was Caroline bribing them into kissing under the mistletoe. I love Caroline. While the whole first-kiss aspect really helps, this is also just a pretty good Christmas episode. You have the gore and mystery with a dead Santa in a sewer, you have the funny with Booth having to sniff Santas, you have the whimsy with Santa’s apartment above a toy store, and you have the touching with Booth giving Brennan her Christmas tree. Le sigh.

11. “Christmas Special” 30 Rock: Season 3 – In my book, it doesn’t get much better than Liz Lemon ruining Christmas for some kids and Jack finding out that his mom took F.A.O. Schwartz as her gentlemen lover (“Uhh that word bums me out unless it’s between the words meat and pizza”) to make Christmas for him as a kid.

Parks-Recreation-Christmas-Episode-Pictures10. “Citizen Knope” Parks and Recreation: Season 4 – It shouldn’t be surprising that the merriest show on television is good at doing a Christmas episode.  Sure enough, in true Parks and Recreation style, this episode is hilarious and sweet.  Leslie is in the midst of her suspension after it is revealed that she and Ben are dating. Leslie is obviously the best at gift giving, but the parks department wants to make up some of the difference.  When her campaign team bails after low approval numbers, they give her the best gift of all!

9. “Afternoon Delight” Arrested Development: Season 2 – Ah, Christmas. The time of year when you have parties on Bethlehem time, sing about daytime lovin’ with your niece, and let kids get their grubby little hands all over a $3000 dollar suit. Come on!

8. “The Polarizing Express” Psych: Season 5 –  It is exactly what you would want out of an It’s a Wonderful Life episode from Psych written and directed by James Roday: bizarre, hilarious, and Gus in a UPN sitcom in the 90s. This episode only further solidifies my love for Roday.

Community Christmas7. “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” Community: Season 2 – This stop-motion, musical spectacular holiday special send-up had to be on the list. Um, Abed finding out that the meaning of Christmas is the first season of Lost on DVD because Christmas can mean whatever we want it to mean? Brilliant, uproarious, and kind of sweet. Also, this episode gave me my new favorite Christmas mascot. Christmas Pterodactyl!

6. “Christmas Party” The Office: Season 2 – This one made me all sorts of nostalgic for the (now fulfilled) sexual tension of Jim and Pam. It also had some other great stuff, too. Michael’s impromptu Yankee Swap to get rid of the homemade oven mitt, Creed’s equally impromptu Secret Santa gift, Angela’s babies-playing-saxes poster, and Meredith flashing Michael. “Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party’s so lame.”

5. “A Very Supernatural Christmas” Supernatural: Season 3  This episode is exactly what you would expect from a Supernatural Christmas episode: it’s creepy, it’s kooky, and it has that punch of heart right at the end between the demon hunting bros.

happy4. “No-Ho-Ho” Happy Endings: Season 3 – All I want for Christmas is this show to come back.  Is that so much to ask?  The episode centers around the gang trying to give Jane the best birthday ever when they find out that her birthday is actually on Christmas, but they have a hard time keeping Christmas out.  Between Brad’s penchant for dancing with hip-hop Santa, Max’s Egg Nog addiction, and Alex’s weird present opening fetish, there is no way they can succeed.  “Happy Birthday, Jane.  And Jesus.”

The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis3. “Bath Item Gift Hypothesis” The Big Bang Theory: Season 2 – Sheldon really struggles with what to reciprocate Penny’s Christmas gift with so he buys up every gift basket in Bath and Body Works with plans to pick the present that best fits her gift to him in terms of price. And while I enjoy this whole episode, I adore the last five minutes. When Sheldon receives Penny’s … you know what, just go watch this.

2. “A Christmas Carol” Doctor Who: Eleventh Doctor – It should be noted that I somehow forgot to include at lease ONE Doctor Who special on yesterday’s list.  I’m so ashamed that I am cheating and including this special on the episode list.  Hey, it’s my list, I can do what I want.  It has gotten to they point now where my Christmases are not complete without my Doctor Who specials and this one is my favorite.  A twist on the Dickens classic may be a bit over done, but the Whovian element makes this just right.

mst3k-patrick-swayze-christmas1. “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” Mystery Science Theater 3000: Season 3 – In answer to your question, yes, this movie is as ridiculous as it sounds. In fact, probably more so. But that is what makes Joel and the bots making fun of it so great. Then you couple their commentary with their performance of “A Patrick Swayze Christmas”, a seminal Christmas carol classic, and you get pure holiday magic.
Phew! That’s a lot of linking for your viewing pleasure, there you have it! Do you have any shows you like with great Christmas episodes that I should check out? Do you disagree with my order? Not that I am going to change my mind, but I would love to at least pretend to listen to your feedback. Check out my favorite Christmas specials and stay tuned for my favorite holiday movies and holiday records!

Ellen

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Adam Pally!

adampallyJack and Rose. Romeo and Juliet. Joey and Pacey. Whitney and Adam Pally. These are just some of history’s most endearing and tragic love stories, where couples are torn asunder by war, icebergs, teen drama, and insufficient ratings. I guess now that Happy Endings has been unceremoniously axed by ABC, we’ll never know if Max, Pally’s character on the show, and I could have made it work. Sure, he was gay and gynophobic and kind of a burnout and not super hygienic (and did I mention he was gay?) but I like to think those trivialities wouldn’t have stood in our way.

Well Max, this is good bye for now. I’ll treasure our moments together, and raise a glass of Sweet n’ Creamy in your honor.

Whitney

TV Obituaries: RIP (?) Happy Endings

ZACHARY KNIGHTON, ELISHA CUTHBERT, ELIZA COUPE, DAMON WAYANS JR., CASEY WILSONI write this with an extremely heavy heart.  This wrongful cancellation is right up there with Arrested Development, Veronica Mars, and Pushing Daisies in my book.  I have already attempted to put my love for this show in a post, so I won’t try and persuade you into seeing how a-mah-zing this show is again.  It would fruitless now, anyway.  (Goes in a corner to quitely sob)

Okay, now that that is done, I will just bemoan how upsetting this is and why.  I believe I can say that Happy Endings was one of a few shows on TV that had me literally (and yes, I am using “literally” correctly) rolling on the floor with laughter during each episode.  Some say it had gotten a little too zany this season, but that has just endeared it to me more.  Characters that once were my least favorite (Alex and Dave) were finally delivering just as many, if not more, LPEs (that’s laughs per episode).

AGH!  I cannot curse ABC enough!  And I have yet to find a gypsy woman who can tell me how to make a voodoo doll for a corporation.

Making this slightly less painful is the conviction of the cast, crew, and production company to keep it alive and USA Network’s supposed interest in helping with that endeavor.  I hope with all my heart that my little band of weirdos will find a home that will show them the respect they deserve.  Until then, sleep well, Happy Endings.  Say hi to Ben and Kate for me.

Ellen

Dinner and a Show: Whitney’s TV Themed Meal Plan

Eating is such a drag (said nobody, ever). If you’re looking for a way to spice up your weekend meals, look no further than our Fangirly Meal Plan, designed to help you literally live, breathe, and eat TV.

happy-endings-20120403040230005Friday

Thanks to some shady scheduling, ABC’s Happy Endings is now on Fridays, and in honor of the show’s gorgeous garbage gut Alex (Elisha Cuthbert), we’ll be eating nothing but ribs. Seriously. Just ribs. And if by the end of the meal you DON’T look like you just took down a live cow with your teeth and bare hands, you’re probably not doing it right.

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Every good geek knows that Saturday is Doctor Who day, or as Ellen and I like to call it, the Nerd Sabbath. We’ll be commemorating our favorite show with a special dish, Fish Fingers and Custard! It is quite literally just fish sticks and pudding. If that is a little “Too Who for You” then here is a super cute Fish Stick Cookie and Vanilla Pudding recipe, from Bakingdom.com. (Side note: how does Matt Smith manage to make pre-packaged seafood look so sexy?)

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Let’s close our weekend on a classy note, shall we? Sundays are all about the Masterpiece Classic, so we will be eating like our cousins from across the pond. What does that mean, exactly? I’m not really sure. What I do know is that what you eat is far less important than how you eat it. First, set the table so that each place setting has about a zillion plates, forks, and glasses.  Second, be sure to have a very intense conversation during your meal that is frequently punctuated by zingy quips from an old woman. Finally, find someone to serve you your meal, preferably someone who is dealing with their own drama, thank you very much.

-Whitney

Fangirly Investigates: Best Day of Television

We’ve had TGIF, Must See Thursday, and One Saturday Morning, but is the current best night of television.  After exhaustive hours spent doing research for this study, I feel safe in declaring Tuesday the best night of television.

First, let’s look at the close runner-up and former champ: Thursday.  It is still fighting a good fight, but where I used to not have enough DVR capabilities to get in everything I wanted and I couldn’t wait to get home and watch it all, I’m feeling a bit more ambivalent.  I enjoy watching 30 Rock and The Vampire Diaries and I still rush home for Parks and Recreation, but this is not the “Must See” night that it used to be.

Dethroning the once great Thursday is the quick and scrappy Tuesday.  It’s appeal may come from the fact that all of the shows I am loving are still fresh and only in their first or second season (with the exception of Happy Endings in its third).  Let’s look at my personal lineup:  Raising Hope, Hart of Dixie, Ben and Kate, New Girl, Happy Endings, Emily Owens, M.D., and The Mindy Project.  All of these have something to get excited about and are showing great promise.

So what night of TV is getting you most excited?  Are you Team Tuesday?

-Ellen

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Damon Wayans Jr!

There was no shortage of crushable dudes this week in TV, but one bro stood out among the rest, and unless you have something against headlines, you already know that man was Mr. Damon Wayans Jr! Although we’ve always had our eye on the Happy Endings star, he really brought the heat this week in theseason 3 premiere. Examples, you ask? Well, we now know that Brad, Wayans character on the show, has a ventriloquist dummy named Sinbrad. (FYI, this is the only time you will ever catch us admitting that ventriloquism can be sexy. We generally feel that it has no place in society, outside of prime time sitcoms and Goosebumps books). To honor Damon Wayans Jr., here is a clip of some of Brad’s best moments.

Whitney

Get with the Program: Watch Happy Endings!

Airs: Tuesdays at 9/8c starting October 23rd on ABC

TV show equation:  Happy Endings = New Girl flavor+   premise of Friends x rapid fire references of Psych + Arrested Development‘s self-referential humor – Emmy Awards (don’t ask me why, though)

I can’t judge anyone who isn’t watching Happy Endings too harshly because I, myself, just started watching it this past summer.  Did I watch both seasons at an alarming rate? Yes.  Why? Because this show is hilarious.

If you are anything like me, I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, great.  Another show about six friends living together in the city.  Real original.”  The reality that we have to face as TV consumers is that this formula gets used all the time because it works. Case in point: Happy Endings.

This is another example of a show where the initial plot begins to matter less and less, but here it is anyway:  When Alex (Elisha Cuthbert) left Dave (Zachary Knighton) at the altar to run off with a man in roller blades (of all things), their group of friends were worried that nothing would be the same.  Luckily for these crazies, they are all just loco enough to make it work.  This original premise becomes less important mainly due to stand-out performances from the other four friends in the group.  Brad (Damon Wayans Jr.) and Jane (Eliza Coupe) are nuts enough to be entertaining, while still remaining believable as a couple.  Adam Pally is fantastic as Max, their gay friend who is different than any other gay character portrayed on TV.  The approach to his character is both refreshing and makes for better comedy, in my opinion.  Then there is Penny (Casey Wilson).  The show itself makes reference to how she is the stereotypical rom-com heroine, always trying make things happen for herself, but perpetually winding up in kooky hijinks.

When I recently tried to recommend Happy Endings to a friend, she said she had already written it off because it seemed too “sitcom-y”.  While they do find themselves in sitcom situations, the difference is that this brood often makes reference to the fact that they are sitcom characters.  Take for example the following situation, when Penny is explaining that her boyfriend broke up with her for saying her catchphrase, “a-mah-zing” too many times.

“He said he hates when I say a-mah-zing, but I’ve barely said that at all this season… it’s more of a summer word” — Penny

It was great because I, as a viewer, had noticed that she hadn’t said her signature “a-mah-zing” in quite a while.  It’s instances like this that open up this sort of communication with the fans and makes the show that much more enjoyable to watch.  It reminds me of a more accessible-to-the-masses version of Arrested Development‘s self-referential humor (perhaps because AD directors Anthony and Joe Russo serve as executive producers).

Whatever there formula is, it’s working for me and I think it would work for you, too, if you gave it a shot.

I leave you with one of my favorite bits where Max is teaching Penny how to be a hipster:

– Ellen