Run-On Sentence Review: Spy

spyWith Bridesmaids, The Heat, and now Spy, the collaboration of Paul Feig and Melissa McCarthy is gaining a pretty great track record because in the same way that The Heat was a spin on buddy cop comedies, Spy is a spin on, you guessed it, spy movies and it spins in a pretty fun way, mostly due to McCarthy who takes a nice journey from drab to fab and she gets some pretty fun moments of bad-assery but lending a helping hand, Jason Statham and Rose Byrne are great choices for, respectively, the blowhard tough guy and the ice cold “Bond villain” but I think what I really liked about this movie is that it always seems to be laughing with McCarthy and never at her because she is the heroine of the movie and I know that other films would still go there, this instead gives her a lot of smarts to show off while still being hilarious.

Verdict:  Definitely a good candidate if you want a laugh.

Ellen

A Birthday Tribute for Whitney: Queen Whitney and the Parade of Chrises

Once upon a time, there was a fair maiden named Whitney.  She was queen over all the land of Vernalia.  She was a fair, but vigilant leader.  eating junkHer subjects worshiped at her beautiful feet.  On the eve of her 23rd, her loyal subjects sought to honor her in a way befitting her status as the most benevolent and beautiful maiden in the land, so they brought her an array of Chrises.  “O, incandescent Queen Whitney, we present to you these men,” said her lady in waiting, Ellen. “So that you may pick one of your choosing to do with what you will.”surprise face  “Marry him or… do what you will. Will that you suit you on this the day of your glorious birth?” I'd love it First down the great hall, came Chris Hemsworth and he knelt before her throne.Hemsworth wink  “He is quite the hunk of man, ” said Whitney, the fair, with an approving eye.I would have his babies  “He can be saved for further consideration.” And down the hall they came, dozens of Chrises.   Dozens of usChris Evans, Captain of… America…Evansheating upOne after the other they came.  Chris, the Earl of Pine…

pineChris O’Dowd, the charming Prince of Ireland…odowd

Chris of Messina…messina

 

Chris of the Hardwicks (he brought props to demonstrate how he would treat the queen)…hardwickChris the Duke of Parnell (how did he get in there?)…parnell

 

Chris of the Topher Melonis…meloni

Down the aisle they came. “And to top us all off,” said Lady Ellen with a flourish, “Chris of Kingdom Pratt.”prat manso-cuteWith that final option, Whitney was left with quite the dilemma.

tina 25 guysDifficult lifeDont pretend to know my painEllen tried to console her during this trying time.I acknowledge your pain“But my queen, who said anything about choosing?”  This had Whitney’s attention.ReallyUntil she was quite overjoyed.jane-dance“I have made my decision,” she exclaimed.  “I will not choose one and instead I shall keep you all to do my bidding.  I am after all the queen and always strive to live my family’s motto:”

shark weekHer declaration was met with thunderous applause by all of the men named Chris, as they all had hoped to serve her.  And Whitney was quite pleased with her decision, as well. anigif_enhanced-buzz-24304-1419268580-4And Whitney and her Chrises lived happily on this the day of her birth and all the days after.

Happy Birthday, Whit!  Love ya!

Ellen

 

 

 

The Reviews are In: Jurassic World

My personal history with the Jurassic Park franchise goes as follows: saw the first movie WAY too young (two, guys, two years old), missed the second movie completely, and spent the third film trying to figure out how Jeff Goldblum wasn’t dinosaur poop. So why then was I full-tilt giddy for the Jurassic World reboot? Come on, guys, think real hard…

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My level of indifference toward dinosaurs is directly proportional to my devastating Chris Pratt thirst. But while I went to the theater for the Pratt-nip, I stayed for what actually turned out to be a very good movie.

hinh_anh_the_gioi_khung_long_jurassic_world__22Chris Pratt plays Owen Grady, a professional dinosaur wrangler who is called in when a new attraction at the new and improved Jurassic World theme park goes haywire. He, along with straight-laced park executive Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) must find a way to avert disaster AND contain the raging sexual tension between them. A tall order for anyone.

Just to be clear, Universal did not reinvent the wheel here. It’s a Jurassic Park movie. There are dinosaurs. But what Jurassic World manages to do very well is combine all the best elements of the franchise so far into one film. It’s scary, and sweet, and has an infectious sense of wonder that I haven’t gotten since the first Jurassic Park.  How infectious, you ask? I think my birthday cake this year speaks for itself.

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Verdict: Go see it. If you’re already a fan of the movies, then you’ll most likely love it. If not, see it anyway. If Chris Pratt on a motorcycle doesn’t make a believer out of you, nothing will.

-Whitney

Sweet Streams: Derek

derekOur category of “Sweet Streams” has never been more because this show is “sweet” both in the “sweet, brah” sense and in the “awww, how sweet”.  This show has been around on Netflix for a quite a while now and I am not sure how or why I went so long without watching, but in the course of two days, I recently watched both seasons.  When I told my mom that Ricky Gervais was in a show that was very sweet, she thought I was being sarcastic, but fans of Extras and The Office may not be as shocked.

Derek follows, you guessed it, Derek, played by Gervais, and his cohorts at the senior home where he works.  Derek is a little odd, but with a heart of gold, caring most for little animals and his friends.  Chief among those friends his Hannah, the manager of the home who has a lot on her hands trying to care for the residence, but more efforts seem to go towards wrangling Derek and his friend Kev.  Her big sisterly love for Derek is the real heart of the show.

If you, like me, sometimes crave a good cry, then this is the show for you.  Even if you ar not a crier, there is no way that this show won’t tug at your heart strings.  Its main message of surrounding yourself with good people who understand what is really important in life is touching.  Give it a watch.

Derek

Ellen

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Nicholas Hoult

NicholasHoult_620_012213Not all crushes are created equal. In fact, I’d say that 85% of our crushes are based on tepid admiration or a need to recognize male excellence when we see it. This week is not one of those crushes. Right now, we’re all about the star of Mad Max: Fury Road Nicholas Hoult. And I mean, all about. We consider it an egregious oversight that it’s taken so long for Hoult to be offered his rightful placed among our esteemed Fangirly Crush coterie. A surprise, given that his most recent roles have really displayed his beauty to best advantage… Be warned, the following images have reportedly caused spontaneous ovulation among susceptible individuals (ladies and inclined gentlemen)…

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Obviously, celebrity has treated him well but to us here at Fangirly, Hoult will always be the cute little baby-brit who made us laugh, cry, and sort of care about Hugh Grant in About a Boy.

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So we salute you, Nicholas Hoult. Rest assured that if yo shakin’ it, we’ll watch yourself.

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-Whitney

The Reviews Are In: Insidious Chapter 3

lead_960Horror is a weird genre. I don’t mean weird as in, “hey, look at that guy in the Bob Hope mask stabbing people to death.” I mean, it’s hard to get right, and it’s even harder to talk about. Because a good horror movie should be a little of everything; scary, obviously, but also a little funny and sweet and dramatic and suspenseful and sad, but not so sad you feel like you’re watching a Frederico Fellini movie. The tragedy of Insidious Chapter 3 is that, in a lot of ways, its a much stronger movie than the first two installments because it manages to hit all of these notes, but is forced to live in it’s predecessors culty shadow.

Quinn Brenner (Stephanie Scott) is a high school senior who, after the death of her mother, is left to take care of her family and try to face her looming post-graduation future. In a totally reasonable act of desperation, she reaches out to the spirit of her mom, but what she gets instead is a spectral stalker who wants her to join his harem of girl ghost groupies.  Dermot Mulroney is here doing what Dermot Mulroney does best: playing the hapless fish-out-of-water father who is torn between disbelief and desperation as he watches his daughter get physically and emotionally mangled by something he can’t see. (It’s a specific niche, but he totally owns it). Lin Shaye is back as Elise, the medium who must travel into “the Further” to save Quinn’s soul.

Doesn’t sound super ground-breaking, right? That’s because it isn’t. Making a horror movie is like competing in the Hollywood version of Iron Chef; you’ve got to work with the ingredients (tropes) you’re given, and what makes it good is how it all comes together. In this case, there are two things that make Insidious Chapter 3 particularly watchable. The first are the crazy strong performances from Scott and Shaye. Most female driven horror films tend to veer off into a disappointing direction (re: Hellraiser, Halloween, Prom Night, ect.). And while the two female leads are victimized and exploited, this movie is mostly about two women trying to save their souls. Shaye’s Elise kicks an absurd amount of ass, and Scott’s Quinn insidious-3-shadowy-620x400manages to hit that elusive Scream Queen sweet spot: vulnerable but feisty, angsty but likeable. The male characters are good too, but they are mostly there to fill the obligatory white male quota. There’s even a moment in the movie where Elise tells one of those white males, Quinn’s narratively irrelevant younger brother, that while his presence is appreciated, it’s unnecessary.

The other thing that saves Chapter 3 from horror movie mediocrity is that it’s genuinely scary. I don’t have any problem with pop-out cheap shots (which is good since this movie has several) but there’s also underlying tension in this Insidious  that I just didn’t feel in the other two. For reasons that can’t be explained, spoiler-free, Quinn spends most of the movie bedridden or in a wheelchair, and that sense of confinement and helplessness translates into a sort of Rear Window type suspense. The result is a movie that deserves way better than to be labeled as a prequel to movies that are, in some ways, inferior.

Verdict: If you like horror, go see it. It won’t rock your world, but there are more than enough good hand-wringing moments to make up for it.

Whitney

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Jason Derulo

Summer is here and with it rolls in my favorite anytime of year dance competition show, So You Think You Can Dance.  However, never before this year has SYTYCD had such a dishy judge on the panel (with the exception of guest judge Twitch, but that is for another week).  Jason Derulo joined the show as a permanent judge this season and, honey, he can talk dirty to me (and more) all he likes. I know, it’s an obvious joke, but still true.

I had never really paid him much mind because “Talk Dirty to Me” is the only song of his that I know, but I perked up a bit when they brought him on the show.  And THEN, I perked up a lot when he sang and dance with a group of kids on this week’s premiere.  Maybe if he is a really poor judge on SYTYCD I will lose interest, but for now I’m all in.

Ellen

Fan Rants: Death to the Networks!!!

THE MINDY PROJECT: Mindy (Mindy Kaling, R), Jeremy (Ed Weeks, C) and Danny (Chris Messina, L) discover a change in the office staff in the

When I initially heard that Fox had cut the cord on our Fangirly Favorite The Mindy Project, my reaction was more or less what you might expect. I sold all my earthly possessions, joined a doomsday cult, and settled in for the End of Days. But from the midst of tragedy, an unlikely hero emerged, destined to redeem us all from a Mindy-less existence. Yes, people, ya heard. Hulu will be picking up Kaling’s brain-baby and giving it new life online.

And this isn’t the first time that a streaming service has needed to step in to save a beleaguered series. Yahoo adopted Community and Netflix resurrected Arrested Development (with debatable success, but still). Not only are these sites delivering really strong, occasionally award-winning, original content to subscribers, they are salvaging the network underdogs that struggle to perform and bringing them back from the dead.

Ok, I’m not an idiot. I know that Hulu probably isn’t doing this out of altruism or some media-messiah complex. They roku-3-streaming-tv-giveawayprobably stand to make a lot of money from this deal and I have no doubt that the switch will be marketed aggressively. But the fact stands that Hulu is taking a chance on this amazing little show written by and starring one of the only non-white female leads on TV. Ever. Meanwhile, networks are giving us Boy Meets World reboots and a Full House made-for-TV-movie.

This all leads me to ask, do we really need networks? Or are the a relic that is desperately trying to recapture the magic of ten, twenty, thirty years ago? Most shows are available online anyway, and even HBO is offering a streaming service for much less than your exorbitant cable package. As a representative of a generation that watches most of it’s TV online anyway, it’s not a very hard question.

What do you think? Hit us up at fangirlyfangirls@gmail.com, or @fangirly2, and give us what you got.

-Whitney

Marry, Boff, Kill: The Boys of Summer!!! (Ellen’s CORRECT Answers)

Yesterday, you may have seen that Whitney played a round of MBK with some of the characters from some of our favorite movies this summer.  She predicted I would throw shade and she gives me no choice but to do be shady when she gets it so unequivocally wrong.  Once again, it falls to me to not totally disqualify us as experts in objectifying men.  Whitney, you are totally going to ruin our street cred.  If you feel like we are both getting it wrong, or if you feel like you need to tell Whitney how wrong she was, let us know on our Facebook page, our twitter@fangirly2, or at fangirlyfangirls@gmail.com.

Ellen’s Picks

Jurassic-World-Chris-PrattMarry: Owen Grady

First of all, he looks like Chris Pratt.  That should be enough, but I’ll go on.  Granted, this is the one movie I haven’t seen of the three, but just from the trailer I know that he has the gentle-yet-firm approach to train velociraptors that is sure to make him the perfect candidate with whom to make babies.  Doesn’t hurt that the process is sure to be quite…enjoyable.

avengers-age-of-ultron-scarlet-witch-quicksilver-marvelBoff: Quicksilver

I don’t know how to be delicate with my response to this one.  But…umm…he has super speed and I won’t lie and say that I am not curious as to how that would manifest itself in the boudoir.  Admittedly, “fast” is not always what one wants in that department, but I feel like it could also have…ahem…satisfactory results that I am not prepared to bypass for the purposes of this game.  Was that all vague enough to still be appropriate?

nicholas-hoult-in-mad-max-fury-road-movie-3Kill: Nux

It would a bit of “pot calling the kettle black” to reject him for skin tone alone, but I’ll start there.  Then I will move on to what Whitney referred to as his “cute little tumors” and the fact that he requires a human being to be chained to him as a blood bag.  Listen I am open to experimentation, but I am not quite prepared to have a voyeur joining us.  So, Nux, I send you off to that great Valhalla in the sky.

Ellen 

Sweet Streams: Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries

castThis is the time of year when I start scouring the streaming services for shows to watch.  While I admittedly tend towards re-watching my old favorites, I do sometimes give those unknowns in my “Recommendations” section a chance.  I kept seeing Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries pop up and took it for one of those Miss Marple-type shows that Masterpiece Theater was putting out in the 80’s.  While the show is a Miss Marple-type show, it is decidedly more modern.  Even though it is set in the 1920’s.

The show is a recent hit out of Australia based on a series of mystery novels by Kerry Greenwood.  Both the novels and TV show follow “lady detective” Phyrne Fisher, played by Essie Davis on the show, as she works with, and sometimes against, the Melbourne police force on, you guessed it, murder mysteries. Phyrne is a forward-thinking, glamorous, wise-cracking woman who you could dislike for how cool she is and how many men fall at her feet, but she is just so dang likable and good to the people who are close to her.  My favorite among those people is her demure, ultra-Catholic maid who often helps Phyne in matters outside those of the domestic variety and begins a sweet romance with the equally guileless but Protestant (gasp) Constable Collins.  These two are just too adorable.  In contrast, the simmering sexual tension between Phyrne and Detective Jack Robinson is equally satisfying if not quite as actualized on the show.  The characters make the show for me more than the actual cases, but the mysteries are still dealing with a lot of issues, such as homosexuality, sexual politics, and drug use that you don’t get from some of those old Masterpiece mysteries.

I know that several of our readers, like me, enjoy a good period drama and are sure to enjoy this cheeky, period murder mystery and it really is perfect for some light summer viewing with a dash of intrigue.

– Ellen

Marry, Boff, Kill: The Boys of Summer!!! (Whitney’s Answers)

I take an undue level of pleasure in bringing to you our latest round of Fangirly Marry, Boff, Kill. The competition is as tight as the contenders respective outfits and we’re hoping for a clean fight. However, if Ellen starts throwing shade again, I will in no way be responsible for my actions. Today’s contestants are Chris Pratt as Owen Grady (Jurassic World), Nicholas Hoult as Nux (Mad Max:Fury Road), and Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver (Avengers: Age of Ultron). And since we know you’ve got opinions, go ahead and unleash them on our Facebook page, our twitter @fangirly2, or at fangirlyfangirls@gmail.com.

Whitney’s Picks

landscape-1430757391-frd-ds-00085Marry: Nux

I realize that the war-boy-turned-unlikely-hero is going to be a hard sell. I can’t imagine my parents being thrilled, especially when they learn that my other choices were a respected dinosaur wrangler and a superhero. To them I say, hey man, Nux might not have a job that pays well (unless he gets paid in raw, manic sex appeal), and our joy might any day be cut short by his cute little tumors, Barry and Larry. But they say the loves that burn brightest are also the most brief. At least I get to send that little psycho off to Walhalla with a smile on his face.

uncharted_fan_cast__chris_pratt_as_nathan_drake_by_imwithstoopid13-d7m49yrBoff: Owen Grady

I can’t help but think that when your job description involves keeping a bunch of genetically modified tooth-monsters in line, your time as a viable boff is pretty limited. How long until a raptor gnaws off your face, or heaven forbid, you become one of those jaded, Jurassic-World-weary, “I’m getting too old for this Stegosaurus” type dino-dudes. So Let’s do this.  You know, before the unthinkable happens and you start to look like Jeff Goldblum.

600full-quicksilver-(aaron-taylor--johnson)Kill: Quicksilver

Did you see this coming? I didn’t. Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s turn as Quicksilver was one of my favorite part of the latest Marvel summer screen buster. Not that it wasn’t problematic (‘nother time, ‘nother place), but I did love this character. I loved the hair (yeah, ya heard) and his unconvincing accent and his sexy blue and grey speed suit. It’s all good. But one must go, and by process of elimination, well, here we are. I’m so sorry. You’re great, but you gotsta go. I mean it. Go! Before I lose my nerve! Wait… come back. Ha! Just Kidding! Get out of here!

-Whitney

Belated Crush of the Week: Tom Hardy

Just a couple of boxes to check before we get to the unapologetic, unflinching brand of male objectification you’ve come to expect and, dare I say deserve, from us here at Fangirly. Firstly, no, I have not seen Fury Road. Yes, it is very high on my docket. And yes, I am fairly pumped about it. Which brings me to…

Tom Hardy. As a rule, not one of my regularly scheduled crushes. That’s not to say that I don’t get it; he’s cute and British and, not to get too graphic, there are some pretty sexy images of him floating around…

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Pure mutt smut if I ever saw it. I’m also having a hard time ignoring his look in Fury Road. 

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I guess I just like a guy who knows how to channel his inner Brendan Fraser. Whatever.

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So, Edward Thomas Hardy, we salute you. You keep crushing it, and I guarantee we will be right there with you.

-Whitney

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