August 13, it’s safe to say,

Is bigger than Rex Manning Day

In terms of Joy and Jubilation,

It’s a birthday craze that is saaa-weeping the nation

And who’s the cause of all this racket?

It’s ELLEN, who just reached another age bracket!

In the “Hottie” department, she’s a repeat offender

And can make even the slickest good guys surrender.

She’s a brainy broad, with lots in her head,

Just let her regale you with all that she’s read.

She’s fast with a grin and quick with a joke

A girl you could take out for pig-in-a-poke.

If your taste is a gal with all the right moves

Then you’ll look no further once you’ve seen how she grooves

Forget that I-G-G-Y, cause Ellen’s twice as Dance-y

And it’s easy to see that she’s three times as Fancy

She’s a certified babe, from her shoes to her hair,

When she walks down the street, people stop and they stare.

She’s funny and sassy like a Lady Nick Miller

But, you’ve been warned, she’s a stone-cold Killer

She can be a bit quirky, nothing too odd

And I’m sure you won’t care once you’ve checked out her bod

It must be rough, being so super-fine

Er day dealing with boys that pine

But she deals with the stress in her own special way,

“Is this wi-fi Organic?” as Drunk Uncle would say.

And her far-away cousin, whose love won’t erode

Sat down at a laptop and wrote her this Ode

I hope you enjoyed this digital toast,

‘Cause I’ve poured all my love into this dumb little post

Happy Birthday, you Boob Punch

–Whitney