Fangirly Presents: Why Women aren’t Funny

You know what sucks?

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And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I was informed today that women are, tragically, not funny.

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It’s true.

I know this because the person who let me in on this secret was, himself, blessed with a penis, so you know he knows comedy.

At first I was furious. How could someone make, with such confidence, such a blatantly untrue generalization?

Then I thought about it. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s right.

Women really aren’t funny.

I mean, we have no sense of irony.

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Woman are historically terrible at physical comedy.

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Honestly, how many women can do impressions?

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I think, and this is just me, that women are too preoccupied with their appearance to be funny.

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And you know who really isn’t funny? Mature women.

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Maybe if we didn’t harp so much about objectification in the media.

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Maybe if we just got better at rolling with the punches.

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If we weren’t so damn prissy. You know, developed a sense of bathroom humor.

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It’s no wonder that male comedians don’t want to work with women.

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And why there aren’t any good female comedy duos.

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Who would have thought that ovaries, those things that launch our transformations into raging hose beasts with each new moon, would be the agents of our comedic destruction?

Let’s rally, ladies. Let’s focus on our strengths. Like wifery.

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And being good at literally everything else.

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Actually… wait…

I think I just thought of a joke.

Ok, bare with me, I’m new at this.

What did the woman say to the dumb-ass who thinks women aren’t funny?

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Get it?

Whitney Weldon

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In With the Old: Clue

Tell me if we were  the only kids who did this:  Whenever I visited my cousins (or visa versa) growing up we would always do this thing when we watched movies together.  Either prior to starting the movie or at the very beginning, we would pick a character to “be”, so if someone is a character who later gets slapped, we’d say things like, “That looks like that would hurt”.  Or if someone’s character is somewhat risque, we would call each other “naughty” or “a bad girl”.  Keep in mind that we were young and innocent, so our vocabulary of more scathing remarks was limited.

Our favorite movie to watch together had to be Clue because we watched it close to every time that we visited each other.   My cousins and I would fight over who got to be Ms. Scarlet or even Yvette the maid, because we were impressionable little girls growing up believing that it was more desirable to be the more attractive option.  However, as we grew older and wiser, I believe that our choices became more informed.  There’s only so many options in that movie, so one of us would still end up being Ms. Scarlet, but instead we were fighting over Mrs. White because we had begun to recognize the comedic genius of Madeline Khan (“it-it- the f – it -flam – flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths… Heathing…”  Best.  Ever).

As I have matured, it dawns on me that this is one of those perfect movies to grow up watching.  The slapstick will be funny to all ages.  But as you get older, you begin to understand more of the zippy one-liners and “adult” humor that went over your head as a child.  It also occurs to me that when watching movies you loved as a child, it is difficult to re-visit them without being biased and tell your grown-up colleagues that they are truly as great as you remember them.  Now, I fully believe that Clue is as great as 9-year old me thought that it was because I still get the same enjoyment out of it that I did back then.  The performances here are genius and I pick up on new jokes that I had either never previously heard or “gotten”.

I just love this movie and it warms the cockles of my heart every time I watch it.

Did/do you love Clue, too?  If you do, did you know that Psych is doing a reunion episode for it’s 100th episode?  Yeah.  You could say I’m excited about that.  If you have some free time, check out the video I found of someone’s top 25 moments of the movie. (SPOILERS!)

-Ellen