Folks, the TV gods have smiled on us. The Veronica Mars movie is FINALLY HAPPENING! In honor of this truly momentous occasion, I’m naming Enrico Colantoni, Mr. Keith Mars himself, as our Fangirly Crush of the Week. While there was an abundance of boffable bros on the show, I gotta say that it was Veronica’s lovable father that stole my heart. So here’s to you Mr. Mars. I don’t know how we’ve survived without you. Seriously.
-Whitney
If you’re looking for some helpful tips
For surviving the zombie apocalypse
You’d better talk to Daryl Dixon,
That unwashed, crossbow wielding vixen
Although he talks like a total hick
And his brother is a crazy dick
He’s the hottest guy on AMC
Even Don Draper would likely agree
He’s a ladies dream, the ultimate male
With him, I wouldn’t mind sharing a jail
And the sexiest thing, no if, but, or maybe,
Was watching this badass cradle Rick’s baby
If I were his post-apocalypse mate
I’d happily help him repopulate
Until then, I’ll sit and watch him kill walkers
And join his legion of fangirl stalkers
In singing the praises of Daryl Dixon
The man, with whom, I wouldn’t mind mixin’
-Whitney
Even with rave reviews and one of the best casts in TV history, I was not super eager to watch the Netflix original series House of Cards. To tell the truth, hard-boiled political dramas are just not my thing. Last night, however, I was in the perfect TV watching mood (acute ennui and a fierce reluctance to do homework) so I gave it a try. Folks, it’s pretty great.
Just to give you an idea, House of Cards is sort of like Richard III meets Party Animals. Antihero Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) soliloquizes and back stabs his way through Washington with the help of his equally ambitious wife Claire (Robin Wright). And even for those of us who don’t know a platform from a pork barrel, the political intrigue is pretty fascinating.
The truth is, however, I don’t think that House of Cards is going to be remembered for what a great show it is. It’s going to be remembered for the way it has revolutionized TV. Sites like Netflix and Hulu are offering quality shows like this without the commercial breaks and week-long intervals between episodes. And while I am not at all looking forward to the death of network television, it’s pretty clear that this web series thing is the way of the future. And really, if it’s good TV, does it matter what type of screen you’re watching it on?
-Whitney
This weeks Marry Boff Kill is perhaps the most contentious in recorded history. We will be deciding the fates of three of TV’s handsomest men: Ben Wyatt (Parks and Rec), Shawn Spencer (Psych), and Damon Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries).
Whitney’s Answers:
Marry Shawn Spencer: Anyone who doesn’t think that Shawn is marriage material is an old sponge with hair hanging off of it. He’s funny, self-employed, and he kinda looks like a young Andrew Lincoln. Also, because Shawn and his BFF Gus are something of a package deal, I would be getting two smokin’ hot men for the price of one. To not take that deal, I would have to be just like Topher Grace walking on the beach at the end of In Good Company.
Boff Ben Wyatt: Is it ethical to boff someone out of curiosity? I mean, we know Damon can boff with the best of them, and Shawn has a long-standing reputation as a ladies man, but Ben Wyatt is something of a mystery. So I’d boff him, you know, just to see what the deal is. Does that sound slutty? I’m sure my mother will let me know.
Kill Damon Salvatore: I really have no problem killing Damon because he is a lead character on a show that is notorious for killing people and bringing them back to life. I’m pretty sure that the writers of VD will think of some supernatural plot device that will have him up and dancing on that banister again in no time.
Ellen’s Answers:
Whitney, you ignorant slut. This is the only real course of action…
Marry Ben Wyatt: Ben Wyatt has all the qualities that this girl looks for in a mate. Namely, that he would be a most faithful, lifelong Comic Con companion. I would support him in his every endeavor, whether they be lackluster claymaish shorts or his Low Cal Calzone Zone. We would enjoy nights of Game of Thrones viewings and lively debates on the value of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. How can a real fangirl not marry this fellow nerd? Ben Wyatt, I like you and I love you.
Boff Damon Salvatore: Whitney, you shock and amaze me. How can you post your above picture of the infamous bannister dance and NOT boff Mr. Salvatore? And look at that cock of the eyebrow. I could never resist. I think I can safely say that if Damon Salvatore is ever in a round of Marry Boff Kill, he is always the ONLY option for boffing. I don’t want to marry into all that broody, self-loathing, immortality. But a night of passionate vampire boffing? Check, please.
Kill Shawn Spencer: As is the case with most killings in this game, this one grieves me. I love Shawn Spencer and a life with him would one full of laughter and adventure. But… he’s also a manchild and this girl likes men. While I take much joy from watching his childish antics every week (or when USA deigns to air this show every six months to a year), I don’t think I would want a lifetime of them.
Who got it right? What are your answers?
– Whitney and Ellen
You know what I hate? I mean, other than perfume commercials, mashed potatoes, or sentences that end in a preposition? I hate watching a young show get cut down in it’s prime. Three years after its cancellation, I’m still reeling from the loss of ABC’s Better Off Ted. Speaking as someone who strongly feels that the world can never have enough zany workplace comedies, the show was the bright spot of my week during its brief two season run.
On paper, the premise of this show seems pretty ho-hum. Ted Crisp (Jay Harrington) manages a research and development team for a massive corporation. Bored yet? Then perhaps I should mention that Ted’s boss, the stoic and well-coiffed Veronica, is played by the one and only Portia de Rossi, with all the stellar comedic timing and deadpanned delivery we’ve come to love. Oh, are you back on board? Awesome. Let’s proceed.
Of course, you can’t have a great workplace comedy without some great writing attached. I can’t tell you how many funny one-liners I’ve pilfered from this show. Oh no… there’s no stopping it… I feel a cluster-quote coming…!
There was the time Ted and his love interest/employee Linda invented the game of throwing stale bagels into an air vent:
Ted: What are you afraid of? If you throw a game, it’s gonna keep you out of the time-wasters hall of fame?
Linda: No. My position there is secure from getting my art history degree.
Or the time Ted inadvertently forced Ryan the security guard to quit his job:
Linda: So did you hear the latest office gossip? Ryan the security guard quit his job because you’re a giant douche-mobile. That’s right, you’re a douche on wheels. Or perhaps a decorative sculpture hanging above a baby douche’s crib. The gossip didn’t specify.
Procedural cop show. Buddy comedy. 80’s nostalgia hour. Stylistically USA’s Psych is a little all over the place. Which, coincidentally, is exactly what Ellen and I love about it. That and the fact that James Roday’s character Shawn Spencer fulfills all our quasi-bad boy needs (motorcycle, complicated relationship with father, spotty employment record, and questionable dietary habits). I guess what I’m saying is, don’t be an incorrigible Eskimo pie with a caramel ribbon. Watch Psych tonight on USA!
-Whitney
I would like to start off by saying that this post is fraught with spoilers. Fraught. So if you haven’t seen the finale of Downton Abbey you should probably 1) get your act together and 2) don’t read any further, because this is about to get REAL.
I am fully aware that Mr. Fellows, creator of DA and Oscar-winning writer of Gosford Park, probably had very little to do with Dan Stevens’ decision to leave the show. Stevens is a star, baby, and if he wants to head off in search of bigger and better parts, more power to him. (This is me being diplomatic; in actuality I am super pissed). What I can’t condone, however, is the emotional roller coaster Fellows forced us to ride, like a cinematic Splash Mountain. I mean, killing someone off minutes after the birth of their on-screen son? A joyous event that has been three seasons in the making, followed by a fatal, and dare I say totally avoidable, car crash? Not cool. Also, why are we trying to vilify babies? Killing off a lead character every time there is a birth in the family seems a little unfair to the infants in question.
Matthew melodrama aside, I loved this episode. It was nice to see Mrs. Patmore (Lesley Nicol) getting some well deserved extra screen time, and watching the reconciliation between Jimmy (Ed Speleers) and Thomas (Rob James-Collier) was pretty satisfying. Oh, and then there was this…
Good. Grief. We at Fangirly try really hard not to objectify our favorite stars (false) but I think the award for Best 20th Century TV Bod goes to Mr. Allen Leech. I don’t know about you, but I’m suddenly much more optimistic about series four.
-Whitney
This weeks crush Chris Hardwick, or as I like to call him, Lord Protector of the Nerd Commonwealth, has been rocking my world pretty consistently for the last few years. It started with Web Soup, and then his hilarious podcast The Nerdist, which was recently adapted into a TV show for BBC America and now has a place of honor in my DVR. Not sold? Well then, watch him charm the Scottish pants off Craig Ferguson in this clip.
I told you! Now do yourself a favor and watch The Nerdist on BBC America on March 30!
-Whitney
Orphan Black (BBC America): I have absolutely no idea what this show is supposed to be about, but you know that if they are showing it on BBC America, it had to do reasonably well in the UK. Actually, it looks a little like Ringer, minus the Sarah Michelle Gellar and crappy dialogue. (March 30th)
Bates Motel (A & E): Love Psycho. Love Vera Farmiga. Love Freddy Highmore. If I hate this show, it won’t be for lack of trying! (March 18th)
Mr Selfridge (PBS): Like all my other favorite shows, this one originally aired on ITV. If for no other reason, you should watch this just to see Jeremy Piven in a period costume. (March 31)
-Whitney
We’re still reeling from the loss of 30 Rock here at Fangirly and in a effort to aid others in the grief process, I’ve decided to post an original poem I wrote for my 12th grade AP English class. I feel like I should mention that this poem only earned me a B. Moral of the story: when your teacher asks for a poem that expresses your inner self, don’t write about your favorite prime time sitcom. He will not be amused.
Dealbreaker
Single woman, loves her cheese
Won’t you come and date her please?
Goes to work every day at NBC
Deals with kooks named Jenna and Tracy
She figured out the Rural Juror
At first she was sure, but now she is surer
Dated a Beeper King, dogonit
Floyd also tried to put a ring on it
Jon Ham was stuck inside his bubble
Dating caused her nothin’ but trouble
Then at the dentist with a mouth full of drool
Wesley Snipes told her, “To settle is cool”
Tracy’s goal is to get his first EGOT
All Lemon wants is her own little tot
She just wants a man who isn’t a faker
Phony fellas are a real Deal-Breaker
But what every one knows and she cannot see
Is that Lemon belongs with Jacky D
-Whitney
5) Are you Afraid of the Dark– I had a classic love/hate relationship with this show. Love, because it was the scariest thing my mom would let me watch at the time. Hate, because those tweenage jerks swiped the coolest club name in recorded history. What am I supposed to do, the next time I want to start a secret society where all the cool kids get together and swap creepy stories around a non-regulation camp fire? How am I ever going to top “The Midnight Society”?! I really don’t think “Middle of the Night Society” has the same ring to it. Jerks.
4) Gag me with a spoon– How is a modern lady supposed to express her derision for a particular person, place, or thing without pretending to stick a finger down her throat? With her words? As if! Careful articulation is for squares.
3) 90’s Music Videos- They even had a whole TV network dedicated to them. Now that’s what I call innovation. My favorite had to be the classic Chumbawamba hit “Tubthumping”. So. Awesome. I can’t count how many times my brother and I stared at each other from across the dinner table and, over our glasses of kool aid, sang “pissing the night away”. We were so cool.
2) Tom Everett Scott- Even six year old me knew your boffability was off the charts. SCHAAAWING.
1) Good Disney Movies– Yeah, I went there. Remember when Disney movies used to be funny and smart and scary and, occasionally, a little too sexy for our impressionable brain-sponges? Case and point: there is an ENTIRE song in The Hunchback of Notre Dame where Frollo wails about his lust for Esmeralda. It’s probably been a while for most of us, so here’s a clip to refresh your memory. Note the sexy dancing chick in the fire. Even as a seven year old I knew there was only one way to interpret that.
What do you miss about the best decade of the 20th century? Let us know in our comment section!
-Whitney
Gratuitous TV sex is not super high on my list of favorite things. In fact, it sits somewhere between dangling participles and getting paper cuts under a fingernail. That being said, I decided to give Syfy’s Lost Girl a try, even though I was fully aware of its… um… saucy reputation. And while I wasn’t exactly wrong (there is a pretty disproportionate amount of boot knocking going on in this show), this series actually has a lot going for it.
At its heart, Lost Girl is about the struggle for identity and community. Bo (Anna Silk), a mysterious bartender with a troubled past, learns that the reason all her lovers wind up dead is because she’s actually a succubus. As in, a crazy-killing-sex-machine of legend. Luckily, she has her adorable best friend Kenzi (Ksenia Solo) to help her navigate the not so sexy parts of her new supernatural lifestyle (such as monster slaying and uncovering the mystery of her birth parents).
On paper, this show sounds pretty stupid, like any other hyper-sexualized sci-fi drama out there, but the writing is actually pretty good. In fact, it’s better that pretty good. Anna silk and Ksenia Solo have insane on-screen chemistry, and admittedly it is pretty nice seeing a TV relationship between two women that feels realistic and supportive.
So if you’re looking for a show with a fresh take on the supernatural drama (a.k.a. a show that goes beyond the vampire-witch-werewolf trifecta) the give Lost Girl a try. It has some hokey moments, but I think you’ll find it more than makes up for it in wit, charm, and girl power.
-Whitney
Allen Leech arriving at the 2013 SAG Awards, proving once and for all that bow ties ARE cool.
I feel like I spend so much of my time and energy trying really, really hard not to be weird. This week was particularly challenging in that regard because last Sundays episode of Downton Abbey sent me down a crazy celebrity crush spiral. The foxy object of my affection? Allen Leech, who plays the chauffer-turned-son-in-law Tom Branson. Of course, after watching his weep-worthy performance on Sunday I was obligated to spend an hour on youtube looking up interviews with Mr. Leech. Turns out, not only is he cute AND Irish AND an awesome actor, he’s also hysterical. I present exhibit A. He doesn’t say much but check out his perfectly executed eye-roll around 00:53.
Adorable, right? In this next clip Allen does a pretty hilarious Julian Fellows impression.
Believe me, I could go on. If you need an Allen Leech fix, be sure to watch Downton Abbey, Sundays on PBS!
-Whitney
I’ve been trying really hard to be bitter about the end of 30 Rock, the show that basically shaped Ellen and me as adults and perpetual weirdoes, but I can’t. The truth is, NBC had no reason to pick up Tina Fey’s beloved brainchild after that initial 12 episode run seven years ago, but they did. They took a chance on 30 Rock, and now all they have to show for it is a truck-load of Emmys, insane critical and commercial success, and the gratitude of this humble nerd.
I love this show more than I can express without bursting into tears/hysterical laughter. Liz Lemon wasn’t like any other female character on television at the time. She was weird and obsessive and
cool and smart, and for the first time my thirteen year old self saw someone on TV worth looking up to.
My fondest 30 Rock memory happened during my high school years. It was one of those glorious weekends when my parents decided to take their adorable act on the road, leaving me to experience the world of independent living for a few days. Glorious, that is, until the sun went down and the house started making weird noises (did the fridge always sound like that?) and I suddenly regretted watching quite so much Law and Order: SVU. In an attempt to stave off the panic I could feel building in my teenage tummy, I started flipping though our DVR in search of something entertaining enough to take my mind off the rising crime rates in my hometown but innocuous enough to help me fall asleep. Pretty soon I stumbled upon “Black Tie”, the 
30 Rock episode where Liz and Jack attend a birthday bash for a fantastically inbred Austrian prince played by the one and only Paul Reubens. Pretty soon I was so involved in their misadventures I completely forgot to worry about being murdered in my sleep. Mostly.
So thank you 30 Rock. Thanks for being the coolest, funniest, most bizarre show on TV. Thanks for giving Ellen and me a reason to hang out on Thursday nights. My one parting request? Get Jack McBrayer a new show. Mama needs her weekly dose of apple-faced goon.
-Whitney
What makes an artist? Some say it’s creativity, or passion, or talent. Personally, and I apologize if this sounds pretentious, I feel that a true artist dances around in midriff tops and leather pants to catchy 90’s chart toppers. Call me fastidious, but that’s just my opinion. And few people fit that definition better than Billie Piper, the brilliant teen-pop-idol-turned-serious-actress. I could present you with well-planned arguments to support my case, but if Billie’s music has taught me anything, it’s that style is WAY more important than substance. So without further ado, I present you with three of my favorite Billie Piper music videos.
-Whitney
As a rule, I generally hate remakes. I didn’t love The Office (US), and loathed MTV’s adaptation of The Inbetweeners. Maybe I’m alone here, but reformatting shows that are still on the air seems like a pretty lazy and uninspired way to make TV. So you can imagine my surprise when I realized that I was enjoying the Syfy series Being Human even more that the original Toby Whithouse masterpiece. Allow me to state my case:
1) The cast is better- Although just seeing those words written down triggers my gag reflex, it’s the absolute truth. Don’t get me wrong, a adore the cast of the original show, but I often found that the characters they played could really get under my skin, and not in a good way (example: does George really have to burst into tears in every episode? He’s a werewolf, not a John Boehner impersonator). And while the characters in the US adaptation have eerily similar back stories to their BBC forbearers, I’m really enjoying watching them make these characters the
ir own. Sally the ghost (Meaghan Rath) has all the spunk of Annie (Lenora Crichlow) without some of the Type-A weirdness that could, at times, become a little exhausting. Harsh? I hope not.
2) It’s the difference that makes it- Ok, yes, the two shows are identical in almost every way. However, I’m finding it’s the little differences that allow the US version to stand out. Josh the werewolf wants to go to med school, unlike his UK counterpart George, who all but gave up on life. So while they are basically the same show, I think that the differences 
are making all the, well, difference.
3) The UK version is… having problems. There, I said it. Not only did the BBC Being Human undergo a complete cast overhaul, I have to admit that the story has been a little out there as well. I think we can all agree that the “war-child” narrative from season four got a little…weird. Obviously I will continue to watch both shows, but for the moment I have to say that the writing in the Syfy series is just a little bit stronger.
But this is just one Fangirl’s opinion! Do you agree? Disagree? Think I should get a life? Make yourself heard in our comment section!
-Whitney
Amy Sherman Palladino sure knows how to give people what they want. I can’t count how many times I watched my beloved Gilmore Girls and thought, ‘you know what’s missing from this? Ballet’! Yes, it’s true folks, the woman who brought us the show that delighted us for years with lightening speed repartee and low-stakes prime time drama is back with a new series that tackles the world of, you guessed it, DANCE. My own ballet career ended prematurely at the age of five, due to a devastating stubbed toe injury and a general lack of interest, so this witty look at the lives of young ballerinas is particularly interesting.
Sutton Foster (a.k.a. Coco from Flight of the Conchords) stars as Michelle, a talented but down on her luck dancer who comes to the small town of Paradise, California looking for a new life. She pretty quickly takes up residence at the local dance studio, where she becomes embroiled in the lives of her teenage students. Even for those of us who know next to nothing about dance, this show is fascinating. It’s been a long timhe since I’ve found a show this funny, sweet, smart, and occasionally sad. If you’re looking for something new to liven up your DVR queue, give Bunheads a try. I promise you won’t hate it.
-Whitney
2009 was a pretty big year for me: I aced the PSAT, was granted exclusive driving rights to my mom’s super sexy 1993 Honda Civic, and was finally, finally deemed old enough to watch The Graham Norton Show on BBC America. To this day I’m not sure where my love of TGNS originated. All I can say is that to me, it seemed like the perfect blend of hilarity, raunchy innuendo, and good-natured chat show fun (think The Late Show meets Pee Wee’s Playhouse). It also doesn’t hurt that Mr. Norton himself is, without exception, the coolest TV personality on either side of the Pond. Case and point, the guest on last weeks episode was THE Billie Piper. I have to assume that Graham saw our Billie Piper “Honey to the Bee” post and set up that interview as a special treat to me. He’s just that kind of guy, folks. If you’re still not on the Graham Norton train, feast your eyes on this clip of some of the shows best moments.
-Whitney
If you’re anything like me, when you hear the word ‘Syfy’ you usually think of movies about a Dinocroc and his cousin the Dinoshark battling it out for cross-species genetic supremacy. However, I am here to tell you that the Syfy network has more to offer than paranormal reality shows and made-for-TV movies starring washed-up teen idols (sorry Kristy Swanson). If you’re looking for really well done sci fi drama, look no further than the Syfy original series Haven. This show, based on Stephen King’s novel The Colorado Kid, tells the story of Audrey Parker (Emily Rose), an FBI agent who stumbles upon the sleepy town of Haven during the course of an investigation. As it turns out, Haven is actually more Salem’s Lot than Mayberry, as several of townspeople are afflicted with mysterious curses, or Troubles, that often prove fatal to their friends and neighbors. Since Audrey seems immune to the Troubles, for reasons yet unknown, she decides to stay and help the people of Haven. This also leads to the larger questions, like Why is Audrey unaffected by the Troubles, and Who exactly is Audrey Parker?
And because it’s prime time TV, there is a wonderful assortment of dudes, all of varying boffability. The most boffable of 
the bunch being Nathan Wuornos (Lucas Bryant), the sexy small town police officer who just happens to be Troubled. Also rocking my world is Eric Balfour who plays Duke Crocker, the sexy con man whose troubles all seem to be in the lower case. Oh, and did I mention that Jason Priestley has guest starred on this show? Just sayin’.
Although this is a show pretty steeped in its own mythology, it is well worth the time you will spend getting caught up. The next episode airs tomorrow on Syfy at 8/7c, so snap to it!
-Whitney
The line between reality and television continues to blur as we bring you the next round of our never-ending game of Marry, Boff, Kill! This week we will be deciding the fates of our three favorite Jane Austen heroes: Henry Tilney (JJ Feild), Fitzwilliam Darcy (Colin Firth, duh), and Captain Frederick Wentworth (Rupert Penry Jones).
Whitney’s Answers:
Marry Henry Tilney– I have not felt this kind of passion for a leading man since my Brendan Fraser phase in the late 90’s. And it’s not just because JJ Feild looks like Tom Hiddleston’s cooler older brother. Mr. Tilney embodies everything I look for in a man: funny, smart, gainfully employed, and wears breeches like he’s doing them a favor. Also, he seems like the most fun out of the three, a quality we value highly here at Fangirly. Right after raw animal magnetism, of course.
Boff Mr. Darcy- This is more of an obligatory boff, because my mother taught me that a lady must always boff Mr. Darcy, should the opportunity ever present itself. Also, Colin Firth is to sex appeal what Honda’s are to resale value: he never loses it.
Kill Cap. Wentworth- For a while, Darcy and Wentworth were neck and neck for the coveted ‘boff’ position, until I remembered the horrific kissing scene at the end of the otherwise incredible drama Persuasion.
Really Captain, if it takes you that long to seal the deal on a kiss, I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go. And, judging from what I just saw, I’d probably be putting you out of your misery.
Ellen’s Answers:
Marry Mr. Tilney – Well, at least Whitney and I can agree on something and that is the utter eligibility of one Mr. Henry Tilney. This guy has it all, old school chivalry with all the modern sensibilities of charm, humor, and how to impress a lady by sharing her taste in entertainment (at least that works for me). Mr. Tilney as portrayed by JJ Feild is even more marriage-worthy (Neve Campbell knows where it’s at). While Mr. Darcy may have been my first Austen crush, my gateway hero, if you will, I’m sticking around for Mr. Tilney and his winning charm.
Boff Mr. Wentworth – I blame that kiss entirely on Anne. He is letting her take the reins (even more hot). And have you SEEN him?! He is described on the special features as being “sex on legs” and never will that moniker be more appropriately applied. But, Rupert Penry-Jones’ beguiling visage aside, Wentworth is a navy man and is probably accustomed to a quickie before leaving port. Wentworth is far too much of a gentleman to have been swayed by such temptations in the past, but in this MBK scenario, I would be that temptation. And he would be scurvy and syphilis free, of course.
Kill Mr. Darcy– As most of my “kills” do, this one kills me. As I mentioned, Darcy was my first love, but this Austen-lover has grown up and realized that she is looking for more than brawn with sideburns swimming in a lake. I need someone with a little more personality. Yeah, that house is hard to turn down, but who would want to clean that thing, or even oversee cleaning that thing?
