An Interview with Oscar Isaac

Posted in Crush of the Week, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

Fangirly has been blessed with many fascinating, hard-hitting interviews during our run as the internet’s most obsolete entertainment blog. Today, we’re continuing that streak as we chat with one of this years biggest break-out stars, Oscar Isaac!

Oscar, we are so, so excited to sit down with you today.

Um… my name is… um… I know this… Melissa? Sorry, it’ll come back to me.

So, anyway, you’ve had a pretty big year. There’s been so much good buzz about all your performances–

Well, yeah, arguably I haven’t spoken to Jean… Sorry, who’s Jean?

Oh, I’m sorry man…

Do you… do you wanna have a little dance party? Wake you up, maybe?

Wow, I really thought that would take more persuasion…

So now that we’ve successfully brought the funk, you wanna talk about some of your upcoming projects?

… Um, so you’re playing Apocalypse in the new X-Men movie. What drew you to playing a bad guy?

Whoa, hey man! Leave Carla Gugino out of this! You’re Hulking out, dude!

Yep, get it all out…

You good?

Cool. So I was hoping we could just talk about Ex Machina and–

Um… why?

Yeah, totally, but can we also just talk about Ex Machina and the gender politics–

Great, yeah, let’s do it!

Oh, are you being philosophical or really asking?

Wait, seriously?

You know, it’s the social and biological differentiation between male and female organisms…

Well, we are unfortunately all out of time! Do you have anything you wanna say before we go? Maybe a shout-out to your Star Wars co-star John Boyega?

Sorry, did you say, “Llewyn is the cat”?

Oh, got it. Thanks so much for being with us today! In case it wasn’t clear, we love you here at Fangirly.

…

–Whitney Weldon

8Feb2016

The Reviews Are In: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Posted in The Reviews are In, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

Rumors of an impending film adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith’s Pride and Prejudice

and Zombies started circulating the day the book hit shelves. No surprise. Take one of the most successful novels of all time, dress it up with karate and a trendy horror shtick, and suddenly you’ve got a movie that will, if all goes well, appeal to two rarely intersecting demographics. Moms and fourteen-year-old boys the world over will set aside their petty differences in the hopes of seeing Jane Austen’s vivid work come to life on screen and a lot of gore, respectively. And if that’s all you’re looking for too, then you will enjoy this movie.

Because there are things to enjoy here. The cast is invariably British and beautiful, there are lots of fun fight sequences, the humor is sufficiently tongue in cheek, and the core love story remains (for the most part) intact. Also, I feel safe in saying that Matt Smith’s turn as perpetual-butt-of-the-joke Mr. Collins will never, ever be topped in any past or future P&P adaptations. (His dancing in the Netherfield Ball scene will destroy you. You’ve been warned).

But if you’re expecting the film to have the same satirical self-awareness as the novel, you might be disappointed. One of the things that made PPZ so funny was how the addition of zombies into Regency society didn’t really change things much. The heroines are given moves a Cobra Kai would envy and the finest dojo in all of Hertfordshire, and it still
doesn’t significantly improve their situation in life or offer any freedoms they might not have had otherwise. That was the joke. Just because society is crumbling in the wake of a zombie apocalypse doesn’t mean you aren’t still beholden to it. And some of the satire
of the book is lost in translation; there are even moments when the movie takes itself just a little too seriously, not totally unlike Seth Grahame-Smith’s last adaptation Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Also, and this is just me being picky, there were some strange nods to the 1995 BBC production of P&P. Including but not limited to, Mr Darcy (Sam Riley) taking an impromptu swim in a handy pond. Sounding familiar?

I can’t tell if the movie is playing with us, or whether there are people in Hollywood who aren’t aware that scene isn’t in the book.

What I’m saying is that the people who made this film took the title very literally. It’s Pride and Prejudice… and zombies. Elizabeth and Jane and Darcy and Bingley all exchange furtive glances while they stave off the End of Days. Bodices are ripped. Bosoms are heaved. Brains are eaten. And, full disclosure, that’s still a movie I’ll absolutely pay to see.

–Whitney Weldon

1Feb2016

Web Bytes: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Posted in Web Bytes by Whitney Weldon

February 5, ladies and open-minded gentlemen. The day that Jane Austen’s original vision for her timeless classic Pride and Prejudice finally comes to fruition. I present to you selected clips from a love story for the ages, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

–Whitney Weldon

26Jan2016

The Reviews Are In: Mustang

Posted in The Reviews are In, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

It probably speaks to how far out in the Sticks I live that I am just now seeing this movie. But given that this film won Best Motion Picture-Foreign Language at the Golden Globes, I heroically braved 45 minutes on the freeway and a quest for elusive downtown Salt Lake City parking, all to get to one of the three art house theaters in the whole state of Utah.

Luckily, nothing puts white girl problems into perspective quite like a film about gender inequality and the on-going struggle for basic human rights in other parts of the world. Mustang is about five sisters growing up in a small Turkish village, where their idyllic childhoods are derailed by impending womanhood and all that implies in some cultures. They are pulled out of school. Bars are placed on their windows. Their futures are now at the mercy of extended family who seem less concerned with the girls’ happiness than with their sustained virginity and culinary competency. But the girls, strengthened by their bond and maybe the memory of former freedom, subvert the new expectations of their community and struggle to hold on to who they are.

I’m making this film sound really heavy, because it is. But it never feels overwhelming or heavy handed, because for each moment of frustration and tragedy, there are moments where the sisters are just sisters. There’s one moment in particular where the two youngest sisters, Lale and Nur, go for a swim in their bedroom by splashing around in their blankets because they aren’t allowed to leave their house. They spit fake water back and forth, and dive off their bed onto the floor. The scene is so warm and painfully adorable that you almost forget the systematic misogyny that necessitated it. It’s part of the reason the film is so effective; the softer moments make the rest of the film so much harder by comparison.

And maybe the worst part is that the horror that these girls are subjected to should feel foreign. As a woman in a developed, ostensibly gender equal country, I shouldn’t be able to relate to the experiences of five girls living in a place where children are beaten for playing with classmates of the opposite sex. But for most women, this will feel familiar. When Lale wants to go to a football match, but can’t because she can’t be allowed to run around with so many men. Or when Selma is rushed to the hospital to have her virginity verified while she’s still in her wedding dress. The feeling of being cloistered and held to standards that don’t apply to the boys, but never trusted to meet those standards without having someone look over your shoulder.

If you’re going to see any Oscar nominees in the next few months, make sure this is one of them. Where ever you’re from and whatever you look like, you’ll walk out of the theater with five new sisters you never knew you had.

–Whitney Weldon

21Jan2016

Fangirly Poetry: Ode to Oscar Nominations

Posted in Fangirl Poetry, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

This time of year, if your hearing is keen

You’ve heard, drifting toward you, from the nearest screen

The sound of actor, director, and writer

(A group, I’m told, that couldn’t be whiter)

All wringing their hands and saying a prayer

That this year, a most coveted prize they will snare

A little gold nude that might help their careers

And earn them begrudging respect from their peers

To them, I offer some words of advice,

From a girl who’s won her Oscar pool (twice)

Being liked is as important as paying your dues

I’d recommend, if I may, tripping over your shoes

All awkward moments you must bare with a grin

Even if John won’t let go of your chin

And if you want to rake in the awards in a heap

It’ll help if your name rhymes with Smeryl Schmeep

So good luck, nominees, at the Oscars this year

May your acceptance speech be both short and sincere

Ratings will be higher than they ever have been

For this is the year our racist uncles tune in.

–Whitney Weldon

19Jan2016

Fangirl Talk: Why Every Guy Should Watch Agent Carter

Posted in Fan GirlTalk, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

It’s a truth rarely acknowledged that if you’re a lady in any industry, even when you win, sometimes you just can’t win. And for all it’s glamour, show biz is no different. (Don’t believe me? Then tell me, Where’s Rey?)

And while there does seem to be a general upswing for the portrayal of women in pop culture, “better” should never be mistaken for “good”. I can count on one hand the number of well-rounded, realistic, inspiring females in film or TV that aren’t also overly sexualized and whose character arc doesn’t ultimately lead her on a quest for romantic fulfillment. Calling a woman in TV “complicated” is shorthand for saying that she has a dark past. Calling her “strong” is another way of saying she’s emotionally unavailable. These have become the hallmarks of an empowered and sexy woman on TV.

When viewed as a whole, the representation of ladies in TV can seem pretty bleak. Luckily, there are some shows that are getting it so right, it’s hard not to feel optimistic. Enter ABC’s Agent Carter.

If you aren’t watching the second season premiere of this Marvel spin-off tonight, you’re either not aware of just how good it is, or (frankly) a dude. Or possibly, you’ve been scared off by accusations of skewed gender politics (side note: it’s a show about a working woman in the 40’s. The fact that she’s surrounded by white men is just an accurate reflection of the time). Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) is exactly the kind of hero prime time needs. She’s carving her own path in a male dominated industry.

And she’s doing it better than most of the males dominating that industry.

She’s got an infallible sense of self…

And self worth.

Her hotness…

Is the least interesting thing about her.

The real tragedy of Peggy Carter’s situation is that her struggles with being looked over, objectified, underestimated, and undervalued aren’t specific to the 1940’s. Perhaps the reason this show has resonated with audiences and critics is because, almost 100 years after the ratification of the 19th amendment, it’s still easy for women to feel like an accessory. So if you’re still not watching this show, you might want to rethink your stance on Agent Carter. Watch it because it’s well-written. Watch it because it’s good TV. Watch it because it explores the conflict between perceived weakness and inner strength. Or maybe watch it because Peggy Carter has a wicked right hook.

You’ve been warned.

–Whitney Weldon

14Jan2016

Whitney’s Official 2016 Oscar Snubs

Posted in Fan-Rants, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

There are plenty to choose from, right? Ridley Scott, Star Wars, Michael B. Jordan, Idris Elba. The list of Oscar snubs, as it does every year, goes on. My diplomatic response would be that the Academy simply can’t accommodate and acknowledge all the great work that was churned out this year. My unfiltered Fangirl answer would be, did The Revenant and Fury Road really, really deserve 12 and 10 nominations, respectively? It’s a subject that’s certainly up for debate. But I’m not here to talk about the Academy’s apparent inability to spread the love. No, I would instead like to focus on the few specific snubs that really bring out the Troll in me.

3) Crimson Peak for Best Cinematography

It’s pretty obvious that this movie wasn’t for everyone. But no matter what you thought about this Guillermo Del Toro horror set in a repressive, Victorian hell-scape, you must admit that it was beautiful to look at. As a genre, though, horror rarely gets any props at the Oscars, mad or otherwise, so this snub wasn’t at all surprising. I had hoped, however, for some kind of honorable mention. Something like “Best Use of Tom Hiddleston’s Shapely Hind-Parts in a Drama”. Just a suggestion.

2) JJ Abrams for Best Director

This is mostly wishful thinking. I just hoped that after all the garbage that has been slung at this genuinely wonderful movie, it might have been recognized with a nom somewhat more meaningful than “Best Film Editing”. JJ Abrams gave us a Star Wars that was steeped in action and humor and nostalgia and feminism, and in return received a whole lot of internet bitching and a truck-load of broken box office records. We audiences are nothing if not inconsistent.

1) Charlize Theron for Best Actress

You would think that at least one of the ten nominations doled out to Fury Road would have gone to the performance that made the movie what it was. Theron’s Furiosa was easily the most moving and complex performance in an action movie, well, ever. I bet this pointed snub has left her pretty inconsolable right now.

See what I mean?

–Whitney Weldon

8Jan2016

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Oscar Isaac

Posted in Crush of the Week, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

You’d be hard pressed to find someone who’s having a better year than Oscar Isaac. Seriously. Starring roles in some of the biggest movies of the year, Star Wars and Ex Machina, not to mention landing the role of the titular Big Bad in the new X-Men movie, Apocalypse. As if that weren’t enough to give a person all kinds of happy, he gets to look like this…

And this…

And sport fresh moves like these…

It seems unfair that one man should be imbued with so much raw sex appeal. Apparently, in an effort to keep him humble, Hollywood has seen fit to cast him in roles that demand full blue mutant prosthetic makeup or require him to parade as a perv who keeps a robotic harem in an underground bunker. But by all accounts, Oscar Isaac is a lovely human IRL who utterly deserves his Fassbender-esque rise to stardom. Mr. Isaac, we salute you!

-Whitney Weldon

30Dec2015

Why I’m Ca-REY-zy about The Force Awakens (See What I Did There?)

Posted in Fan-Rants, Movies, The Reviews are In by Whitney Weldon

*Spoilers dead ahead. Proceed at your own risk.

Last Monday I made my usual two mile pilgrimage to the one and only movie theater in my current place of residence (go ahead and cry for me, Argentina). This time I was dropping my Benjamin’s on a third viewing of JJ Abrams’ The Force Awakens. While standing in line for my ticket I ran into a neighbor who was headed in the same direction, with his six year old daughter in tow. He admitted that she was the only one of his four children he could drag along to see the newest Star Wars installment. One look could tell you that this forbearing youngster was only there out of filial obligation; she looked about as unenthused as it is possible for a six year old to look.

But I knew something she didn’t. I knew she would walk into the theater a bored moppet, but would emerge a card-carrying superfan of the galaxy’s newest mamma jamma, Rey.

Rey is the hero I wish had existed when I was six. She’s jaded, and compassionate. She’s brave, and smart. She’s bad-ass, and approachable. She commands the respect of every other character lucky enough to share the screen with her.

Drawing comparisons between Rey and characters like Katniss and Tris and Lisbeth Salander and Black Widow is unavoidable. For as long as I can remember, we’ve been conditioned to think that a female protagonist couldn’t be compelling if she wasn’t sexy, damaged, or vulnerable, preferably all three. Enter Rey, a woman whose sexuality is irrelevant. Her past, though tragic, doesn’t define her. She puts the needs of others before her own interests and is unambiguously good. In short, she’s everything that a little girl (or, what the heck, boy) should want to pattern themselves after.
But the really revolutionary thing (and the thing that struck me the most) wasn’t Rey herself, but how others responded to her. Within the first five of meeting Finn, the storm trooper turned rebel fighter, she chases him though a crowded market, brains him with a stick, accuses him of theft, and rescues him from the decidedly Third Reich-y organization The First Order. And to Finn’s infinite credit, he gladly follows her lead. He doesn’t resent being occasionally shown up by a girl because he admires her strength and smarts, too. A bad-ass in his own right, Finn is confident enough to recognize Rey’s value without letting it threaten his own.

The best part is that Finn’s reaction to Rey isn’t the exception, it’s the rule. Han Solo offers her a place on the Millennium Falcon. Kylo Ren openly admits that her power not only matches, but probably exceeds his own.

As I left the theater that day, I caught up with my neighbor and we chatted for a while, about the movie and how cute BB8 was and how we couldn’t wait for the next one. I asked his little girl what she thought, and her big blue eyes articulated everything her vocabulary couldn’t. She was in love, and I was right there with her. I hope that little girl knows how lucky she is. I grew up in a time when the world wanted girls to believe that they could be anything. She gets to grow up in a time when the world is starting to believe it, too.

–Whitney Weldon

28Nov2015

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Michael B. Jordan

Posted in Crush of the Week, Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

If your dad is anything like my dad (I’m taking the liberty of assuming that he is), then he’s got a weird thing about Rocky. You know, he bought the collector’s edition Blu-ray box set of the first three movies. He has “Gonna Fly Now” on his iPhone to be played before a big meeting or when he’s alone in the car (as if you didn’t know). His idea of hijinks was to shout “Adrian!” at the top of his lungs outside your bedroom door. It’s a burden shared by Millennials the world over.

That being said, when my dad insisted our family go see Creed,the Rocky reboot for a younger, pop-culture inundated generation, I went along, totally of my own volition. Aside from being a shockingly wonderful movie (more on that later), it gave me the chance to objectively evaluate the acting talents of one Michael B. Jordan. By which, of course, I mean I spent two hours doing an involuntary Kristen Wiig impression.

My squees were heard ’round the world.

Michael B. Jordan has been a source of ongoing angst for us here at Fangirly since Chronicle and Fruitvale Station. Thanks to Creed, the situation has devolved further into a condition I like to call Fan-Madness. But seriously, who’s gonna blame us?

In addition to being one of the dreamiest boats in Hollywood, Michael B. Jordan has delivered some amazing performances in the last few years, with only a few notable exceptions (cough, Fantastic Four, cough). And though his place in the Fangirly Hall of Fame is secure, we encourage him not to rest on his shapely laurels. If that means that he keeps making movies that include scenes like this…

then so be it. That seems to be testing very well over here.

–Whitney Weldon

11Nov2015

Fan-rants: Why Jared Leto Needs To Cool It

Posted in Fan-Rants by Whitney Weldon

Listen, everyone is excited about Suicide Squad. You can’t throw a stick into the internet without hitting an article or entertainment blog post featuring a picture of Margot Robbie or Cara Delevingne in their creepy and predictably objectifying costumes. But the old adage that any publicity is good publicity isn’t always true. Warner Bros. has been pushing Squad pretty hard, which is understandable given how much money they’ve almost certainly sunk into this project and how much they stand to make should the movie do well. But do they really need to work this hard? A movie like this, with comic book origins, a pre-existing fan base, a well-known cast, and millions of dollars behind it, will generate it’s own buzz. And with every released photo and every crazy teaser, expectations just get more out of control. That means that audiences now feel entitled to a not just a good movie, but a great one. At this point, Squad can meet expectations, but probably not exceed them.

Which brings me to Jared Leto. No part of this movie has been buzzier than Leto’s balls-to-the-wall method approach to playing the Joker in this born-to-be-a-blockbuster. In a recent article with MTV news, Will Smith admitted that he’s never actually met Jared Leto. All of his interactions have been with “The Joker”. All year, audiences have been barraged by reports of Leto sending fellow cast members creepy gifts from his alter ego and generally being weird in character. And while I admire his commitment, the whole thing is starting to feel more like a publicity stunt than legitimate preparation.

Also, I think we can all agree that, given the nature of the part, Leto might need to tread lightly. He’s reprising a role that most recently belonged to a beloved actor who passed away shortly after filming wrapped on The Dark Knight. Leto’s method acting, which under different circumstances would just be another actor going native, may here be seen as someone trying to make his Joker bigger, badder, and crazier than the one before him. That isn’t going to ingratiate him to The Dark Knight/ Heath Ledger fans (aka humans). I’m not saying that Jared Leto shouldn’t give this part his all, but maybe cool it with the antics. Give audiences the chance to be as pleasantly surprised with this performance as they were with Ledger’s. Fans will thank you for it.

–Whitney Weldon

28Oct2015

The Reviews Are In: Crimson Peak

Posted in The Reviews are In by Whitney Weldon

Of any genre, horror is the hardest to get right. Ask anyone who’s ever tried. It’s nearly impossible to find a subject matter that is universally horrifying, so these movies usually end up being shunted into one of many horror sub-genres: slasher, paranormal, psychological. Because of this, audiences are left to pick their poison, so to speak. So when I tell you that I’ve found a near-perfect horror movie, I invite you to take that seriously.

Which brings me to Crimson Peak. I walked into the movie with no expectations. Not low expectations, but no expectations. None. I intentionally isolated myself from any buzz surrounding this movie, so that I could walk into it fresh.

It begins like any Dickensian period piece. Wealthy Edith (Mia Wasikowska) is visited by the ghost of her late mother, and
warned about the dangers of the enigmatic Crimson Peak. As the years go by, Edith forgets the warning and peruses a career as a writer. Her literary aspirations are put on hold, however, when she meets Thomas Sharpe, a titled English gentleman who, as evidenced by his dark hair and habit of lurking in shadowed corners, harbors a secret. Edith is charmed by Thomas and, to a lesser degree, his creepy sister, and agrees to marry him and join him in England. Shortly thereafter, she begins to suspect that her new family has something to hide, and takes it upon herself to figure out what it might be.

From the beginning this movie cultivates a looming sense of dread. The film makes overt but effective use of color and shadow (you can distinguish the good guys from the bad guys by their hair color, fashion choices, and total amount of screen time spent having whispered conversations in the shadows). Director Guillermo del Toro took what could have been an overdone concept, Victorian ghosts and decrepit haunted houses, and gives it his own spin. The ghosts are actually terrifying, which isn’t something you see a lot anymore.

Tom Hiddleston is here doing what he does best, heating things up with his now trademark blend of sexy and sinister. Also, for anyone who cares (everyone) you do in fact get to see him naked. And let me tell you, it is just as good as advertised. Jessica Chastain also kills it (wink) as the sister and displaced lady of the house. There is so much to love about this movie, even those of us who aren’t hot for horror will eat it up.

So if you’re looking for a movie that will get you into the Halloween Spirit, look no further. Seriously. Hotel Transylvania 2 can wait for Redbox.

–Whitney Weldon

23Oct2015

Everything That’s Wrong With American Horror Story: Hotel As Told By Whitney

Posted in As Told By A Fangirl by Whitney Weldon

In a truly shocking turn of events, Lady Gaga is not the thing that’s ruining American Horror Story this season. Over the last four years, AHS has pushed the boundaries of what is, or should be, acceptable for network TV. Finally, with the new season, Ryan Murphy and Co. might have gone too far.

For the record, I don’t think that Horror Story is actually scary. It’s been disturbing, and gross, and unsettling, and (on occasion) funny and touching. Not really scary, though. The one time it ever came close was an amazing scene in Asylum, when Lana Winters (Sarah Paulson) escapes from Briarcliff Manor with the help of seemingly decent psychologist Oliver Thredson, only to find that she is no safer outside than inside. The look of confusion, horror, and bitter disappointment on her face as she slowly realizes that Oliver (Zachary Quinto) is anything but her salvation is by far the best moment in the show’s notable history.

But then, the reason that moment landed so well was because we cared about what happened to Lana. The thing that differentiates seasons like Asylum and Coven (easily the strongest of the anthology’s run) is that they give us characters with whom we can fall in love, so we actually care when they are subjected to horrors, supernatural and man-made. I don’t think that these seasons were any less shocking or horrifying, they simply also provided us with a soft place to land.

Which brings me to Hotel. In only a few episodes, I’ve seen a dozen things that make me physically ill and, if you know me, that’s saying something. They are just vile enough that I won’t even mention them here. Suffice to say, while this show hasn’t ever been for the faint of heart, this new season might not be for anyone who didn’t spend their childhood torturing small animals.

Unlike previous (and much better) seasons, there’s unfortunately very little for audience to latch onto or identify with while they try to hold down their lunch. The closest thing we get to a hero is John Lowe (Wes Bentley) a police detective who (surprise!) struggles with alcohol dependence, a troubled home life, and a dark past. Minimal points for originality.

There’s also, so far, very little in the way of a story. There have been several violent murders, scenes of sexual torture, abject cruelty, but not much in the way of a discernible plot. I guess there’s a murderer? And some vampires? Who knows? Clearly not the writers.

Hotel is a perfect example of what can happen when a show can’t decide what’s more important: continuing to please their increasingly less avid fan base, or flipping a middle finger to network censorship.

-Whitney Weldon

23Oct2015

Web Bytes: The Jessica Jones Trailer!

Posted in Web Bytes by Whitney Weldon

Krysten Ritter, a gritty urban backdrop, AND indie folk-rock??? Why Netflix, you shouldn’t have…

-Whitney Weldon

28Aug2015

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Gabriel Macht

Posted in Crush of the Week by Whitney Weldon

I don’t always go for bad boys, but when I do, I prefer them to look like this…

Schaaaaaaa-wing

If you’ve been living in an abandoned mine shaft then you might not be aware that Wednesday was the season finale of USA’s Suits. And if for some unfathomable reason you are not a cave-dweller and have still yet to watch this show, you are missing out on a cast with more collective sex-appeal than the entire Winchester Family. Headlining that cast is Gabriel Macht, whose character Harvey Spector took a real hit in this week’s finale. I shall say no more. What I will say is that Pearson Spector Litt’s resident bad boy coming to terms with his abandonment issues made for one of the best performances on TV this year. Not many working actors today can make panic attacks look cool, and for that we salute you Gabriel Macht. Then of course, there’s the fact that you’re absurdly hot. Don’t think we forgot about that.

–Whitney

25Aug2015

Get With The Program: Suits

Posted in Get with the Program by Whitney Weldon

Litigation. Corporate buyouts. Company bylaws. If these three words do not turn you on just a little bit, there’s a chance you aren’t watching Suits on USA. If that’s the case, you have my sincere condolences. Not only have you been missing out on the greatest legal drama to grace the airwaves since JAG, but for the last five years you have been living without this unfairly lofty expectation for how a man should look in a suit.

You also didn’t get to witness Meghan Markle demonstrating how to get it done in heels and a pencil skirt.

You completely missed Gina Torres obliterate the competition for Ultimate Corporate Mamma Jamma.

Nor seen the raw, cringe-inducing power of Rick Hoffman as Louis Litt, the stoolie we all hate to love.

And been denied this bromantic buffoonery.

You’ve gone all this time without salivating every time you hear Ima Robot’s “Greenback Boogie”.

Starting to feel a little sorry for yourself? Well, that’s only to be expected. So take a minute, have a good cry. Then you need to dust yourself off and prepare for the binge of your life, because you’ve only got a few hours before the Suits season 5 finale airs on USA tomorrow night. Last one there is a Harold Gunderson!

–Whitney

20Aug2015

Fangirly Presents KNOCK IT OFF HENRY CAVILL!

Posted in Uncategorized by Whitney Weldon

Hey. Hey you!

Yes you. I want you to knock it off.

Is that a yes or a no? How about you talk with your mouth, not your piercing blue eyes.

EXCUSE ME?!

Hey, don’t look at the red monster, look at me!

What, you think you’re cool because you have a bunch of Muppet friends? LOOK AT ME!

Better. Now can you please KNOCK IT OFF?

Buddy, you are swiftly approaching my very last nerve.

Is this FUNNY TO YOU?!

OH YEAH?!!?

…whatever…

Oh yeah, it’s like that.

This has been Fangirly Presents Knock it off, Henry Cavill.

–Whitney

19Aug2015

The Reviews Are In: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Posted in The Reviews are In by Whitney Weldon

We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well by now, right? Ellen and I have publicized most of our pop-culture proclivities (ALLITERATION!), and we’ve held very little back. Here’s another confession for the books: we go bananas for 60’s spy thrillers. James Bond, Funeral in Berlin, Notorious. The hairier the chest, the shorter the swim trunks, the happier we are. So when we heard about Guy Ritchie’s new spy thriller The Man from U.N.C.L.E, starring Henry Cavill (he of the chin that cuts glass) and Armie Hammer (he of cartoon eyelashes) we had difficulty keeping our trademark cool (joke).

And believe me guys, this movie did not disappoint. Guy Ritchie understands that a spy movie is only as interesting as it’s
spies, so he gave us three of the most watchable spooks since… ever.

Henry Cavill plays Napoleon Solo, a Bond-type company man who is carrying out a sentence of indentured servitude to the CIA. In an effort to avert a nuclear apocalypse (as per ushe) he teams up with (gasp!) KGB Special Agent Illya (Armie Hammer) and East Berlin refugee Gaby (Alicia Vikander). World saving ensues.

I’ll be the first to admit that the story here is a little light. But the movie is so stylish and fun to watch, I found myself not caring. The dynamic between Nalopeon and Illya is hysterical (you know, typical American-Russian tom-foolery), and Armie Hammer and Alicia Vikander have some of the best on-screen chemistry I’ve seen in a while. My only complaint? Resident super-villain Victoria (Elizabeth Debicki) didn’t really strike fear into my heart as I’m sure was intended. More Femme Fatigue than Femme Fatale, if you feel me. Also, Jared Harris should be legally prohibited from doing an American accent. Ever.

I know this movie has snatched some pretty mixed reviews, but I’m begging you to go see it. I promise it will be the most fun you’ll have at the movies this summer.

–Whitney

14Aug2015

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Shiri Appleby of UnREAL

Posted in Crush of the Week by Whitney Weldon

I DEFY you to name one character on TV this summer, male or female, who has brought it quite as hard as Shiri Appleby on the new Lifetime series UnREAL. The show itself is pretty good, and deeply self-referential in a way we really respond to around here. And amidst a sea of blonde, busty babes is Appleby’s Rachael Goldberg, a character who can’t be bothered to bathe, brush her hair, or generally give a crap, yet still somehow manages to make ratchet to so, so right.

I’ve responded to this performance in a way I usually don’t. In fact, I’m almost uncomfortable with how strongly I’ve identified with Rachael. First, I need to mention that I own this exact outfit…

I’m also usually in various states of dishevelment, although I have never managed to pull it off quite like Shiri Appleby can. That’s a gift, people. To take a look that is default for most women and turn it up to ten without lifting a finger. It’s nice to see a female character that is allowed to be sexy on her own terms. I bow to her.

It’s also nice to see a woman in TV who’s admired, not because she’s pretty or charming, but because she’s good at what she does, even if that happens to be mass manipulation. Not that Rachael isn’t pretty or charming (some people just walk in the light) but the people on this show rely on her, and defer to her in a way we almost never get to see on TV. If you haven’t see UnREAL, consider this your call to action. This is the performance to watch this year, and if Appleby doesn’t bag herself an Emmy nom, then we live in a world devoid of justice.

-Whitney

11Aug2015

Choice Picks: If You Don’t Like These Movies, We Probably Can’t be Friends

Posted in Choice Picks by Whitney Weldon

Making friends as an adult can be fraught with drama and disappointment. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten excited about a burgeoning friendship, only to find that the person’s favorite show is Criminal Minds or (heaven forbid) Angel. It’s a struggle to which we can all relate. So to guard myself from forming platonic attachments I’d live to regret, I developed this friendship litmus test. The idea is that I expose this potential pal to the movies that are, essentially, celluloid chunks of my very soul, and if their response is less than enthusiastic, I cut ’em loose. It sounds mean, but I’m really just saving everyone’s time. Let’s dig in.

5. Super 8 (2011)

Super 8 is pretty much everything I ever wanted in a movie: 70’s nostalgia, aliens, Kyle Chandler being a dad, 12-year-olds swearing. This movie came out during the same summer that brought us Bridesmaids, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, and X-Men: First Class, and for me, it eclipsed all of them. When I FORCE a friend to watch this movie, I pay close attention to their face during the scene where Joel Courtney sacrifices his dead mother’s locket to help a wayward alien get back home; if they are not weeping without restraint, I don’t see much of a future for us.

4. Wayne’s World

Approximately 90 percent of everything that comes out of my mouth is a direct quote from this movie. Last Christmas, my mother handed me a gift and my knee-jerk response was “If this is a severed head, I’m going to be very upset”. That is a true story. So I’m not saying that people who don’t like this movie aren’t cool (out loud), but if you don’t know this film inside and out, there will probably be an insurmountable language barrier between us. Alas.

3. Scott Pilgrim V. The World

This is a fairly recent addition to the list. I coerced a friend into watching this only last February and TO MY HORROR this schlemiel fell asleep half way through. When questioned, their response was “it was kind of stupid”. I have never been so personally offended by a critique of another persons work in my life. Too irate for words. Scott Pilgrim is a lot of things, and stupid is not one of them. This is one of the densest scripts ever to be committed to film; the jokes are so smart and packed in so tightly that most of them are missed on the first viewing. Haters can kindly step to the left. Right off a cliff.

2. The Orphanage

This movie serves a duel purpose. One, it tells me what kind horror viewer a person is. Do they shriek in my ear? Do they claw at me during the scary parts? Can they conduct themselves with composure befitting a grown-up when the old lady in the goggle glasses pops out of nowhere? Two, is this the kind of person who whines about subtitles? Not that I’m one of those Art-House-Foreign-Film Elitists, but come on. It’s fifth grade level reading. Suck it up.

1. Unbreakable

I caught this movie while channel surfing after school one afternoon and decided, at the tender age of 11, that this was about as good as a movie gets. Its a non-comic based superhero movie about a man (Bruce Willis) who realizes that he can’t be hurt. It’s dark and terse and such a slow burn. If a friend trusts me enough to sit through 45 minutes of character development and backstory to reach this beautiful pay-off, I can see us going the distance. In friendship terms.

–Whitney

Fangirly

Where smart girls go stupid for pop culture

Author Archives: Whitney Weldon

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The Reviews Are In: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Fangirly Crush of the Week: Shiri Appleby of UnREAL

Choice Picks: If You Don’t Like These Movies, We Probably Can’t be Friends