As I write this post, I am marathoning The Mindy Project, mainly because I wanted to re-watch Danny and Mindy’s mounting sexual tension, but also in preparation for the new season. I am using my Hulu Plus account for this marathon and I have a complaint. Unlike most Hulu users, I have gotten over the fact that I have to watch commercials on a service for which I am paying. (Okay, actually, confession: I log into my mom’s account for which she pays, but my complaints are still valid).
So, no, I don’t care that I have to watch commercials, I care that I have to watch the same commercials. Over. And over. I realize that I am bound to see some repeats when I watch 15 episodes of The Mindy Project in a row, but can’t Hulu spring for more than 4 commercials? I swear, if I have to watch that Honda Fit commercial with Nick Thune one more time, I am going to toss my work computer out the window, then I’m going to get fired and it is bound to turn into this whole thing and then my unemployment will be on your conscience, Hulu. Can you deal with that? I can’t imagine that you don’t have various products (that I will never buy) that don’t want to be on your service, so please, on behalf of all of us who have a TV-watching problem, get some more commercials
As far as I can tell, there are only two types of people in the world: people who love Neil Gaiman, and people who don’t know they love Neil Gaiman. If by some cruel twist of fate you find yourself in the latter category, then don’t panic. BBC Radio has produced an audio adaptation of Gaiman’s novel Neverwhere, the story of a Scottish mensch (James McAvoy) who gets trapped in a secret London underworld and is shanghaied into assisting Door (Natalie Dormer) in eluding the subterranean sociopaths that murdered her family. You can get your hands on the audiobook version on Audible.com, or you can be thrifty and just listen to it on youtube like the cool kids. Here is part 1, my gift to you.
On Sunday Night, ABC will be airing a special called “The ABC’s of Schoolhouse Rock” and seeing how my love for Schoolhouse Rock knows no ends, I will, of course, be tuning in. When I was just a wee little lassie, my mom got us a VHS set of these educational little ditties and I gobbled them up. At the age of five, I was singing the preamble to the Constitution, my multiplication tables, and conjunctions even if I didn’t really understand what I was singing.
Schoolhouse Rock holds a very special, nostalgic place in my heart, but I still have my favorites. I should say that my favorites tend to be different than the most popular songs (“Conjunction Junction”, “I’m Just a Bill”) and I am not very familiar with the newer songs.
10. “The Preamble” – When reciting the preamble to the Constituttion, I am incapable of not making certain one syllable words become two syllable words. It was a little embarassing in 8th grade. Best line: “..promote the general welfare a-and…fo-or the United States o-of America”
9. “Do the Circulation” – In an era where jogging was the new craze (I believe that’s a soft “j”), Schoolhouse Rock was urging kids to do the circulation by animating adorable fat people working out. Best line: “There’s a great new craze that’s sweeping the nation. Come on, do the Circulation!”
8. “Sufferin’ ’til Suffrage” – Sing it, sister! Between your Disney Princess movies, instill some feminism in your youngsters with this upbeat number about all your favorite suffragettes. Best line: “Since 1920, Sisters, unite! Vote on!”
7. “A Noun Is A Person, Place Or Thing” – This was probably my favorite when I was really young, probably because it is one of the easier concepts to grasp. Although, I had no idea who Chubby Checker was. Best line: “I heard Chubby Checker, he was doing the twist, and the Beatles and the Monkees. It goes like this.”
6. “No More Kings” – Have you ever wanted to cram 4 months of 5th grade US History into one song? Have you ever wanted a song with a villainized caricature of King George III? Well, I know just the song for you. Best line: “That’s called taxation without representation and it’s not fair.”
5. “Three is a Magic Number” – Imagine, if you will, a little bespectacled Ellen in third grade who is having a heck of a time wrapping her head around her 3 multiplication table. Schoolhouse Rock stepped in and saved the day, mainly because I watched this song on repeat until I had it down. Best line: “A man and a woman had a little baby. Yes, they did. They had three in the family. That’s a magic number”
4. “Interplanet Janet” – I like to think that any comets are just this galaxy girl jet setting from planet to planet. I blame this song for my continuing to draw the sun with sunglasses. He’s a cool star. (Also, RIP Pluto) Best line: “It’s a star, it’s a star! So Janet got an autograph!”
3. “Mother Necessity” – Let’s not talk about how it took me a few years before I realized that Mother Necessity was not an actual woman in a rocking chair who played a role in the lives of our most famous inventors. Best line: “Elias, how?” (Do you see what they did there?)
2. “The Tale of Mr. Morton” – Listen, if you are not in love with Mr. Morton by the end of this song, you are a callous, heartless person and you should probably re-evaluate your life’s choices. Any song about a grammar-based romance is a win in my book. Best line: “Mister Morton talked to his cat. Mister Morton talked. (Hello, cat, you look good)”
1. “Interjections!” – In my opinion, this is their funniest video, while still remaining informative. Everybody should say “Wow!” like the woman in this song. Best line: “Yow! That’s not fair, giving a guy a shot down there!”
Do you have a favorite Schoolhouse Rock? Were these songs as ingrained in your childhood?
You may see our “Crush of the Week” feature and wonder how there are enough crushes in the world to have a new one every week, but TV is a ever-running fountain of men to crush on. Recently, this fountain gave me the greatest gift of all, a physical embodiment of Jamie Fraser from the Outlander book series coming in the swoony form of one Sam Heughan.
Despite loving it, I have been hesitant to recommend Outlander because it has sexytimes and having read the book, I know there are more to come. However, I cannot recommend crushing on Sam Heughan enough. I mean…
Yes, sir. You are.
I have yet to see Sam Heughan in anything other than Outlander, so I have to question how much of my crush is dependent on him playing the manly, adorable, gentlemanly Highlander, Jamie Fraser. He ain’t no slouch as himself either, though.
If TV is my addiction, then Netflix it absolutely my enabler. Because like any junkie, I tend to gorge myself on any trash I can get my hands on (Say Yes to the Dress, Hoarders, Family Guy, any CW show), and Netflix is always ready with my next fix, at 19 second intervals. Not that the streaming site exclusively offers garbage; there are plenty of quality, critically acclaimed movies and shows that have been sitting in my queue, gathering dust. Stuff that I always meant to watch, but decided could wait until I was finished re-watching all seven season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Again. An idea that always seems good at the time, until I go all Carol Anne-y…
But a girl can change. I am embarking on a strict media diet, and each week I will bring you my picks for the best streams that won’t make you feel like a total TV burnout.
The Obligatory Rom-Com:Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Because you can only watch Clueless so many times. (False, but you get what I mean.)
The Odd-Ball :Mary and Max
Let’s just call this one a palate cleanser.
The EW Must-List Rip Off: A Young Doctors Notebook and Other Stories
Ok Entertainment Weekly, stop haranguing me already! You had me at Hamm.
Marvel sure does have a thing for casting a Chris as a superhero, but who can blame them when their picks are Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, and Chris Pratt. In continuing with our never ending game of Marry, Boff, Kill, we are (quite happily) taking on these Marvel Chrises. Bring it on, boys.
Ellen’s Answers:
Gamora in the back? My look for my hubby, Chris Pratt
Marry Chris Pratt: By far my easiest MBK decision yet. Listen, my number one quality always has been and always be a sense of humor, so cast member from Parks and Recreation? Yes, that should do nicely. That he also comes in the package of Chris Pratt? That should do very nicely. And no, it doesn’t matter if we are talking Chris Pratt in Guardians shape or Parks season 2-3 shape. I have always loved him.
Must. Not. Use. “Hammer” euphemism.
Boff Chris Hemsworth: I don’t think I need to defend my answer, but in defense of my answer, I recently saw Chris Hemsworth at Comic Con and I’m pretty sure my ovaries literally reached out to him (TMI? Meh, whatever), so I feel like they would be angry if I didn’t take this opportunity to boff him. Like this is a likely scenario. Oof, just the thought of it is too much for me to handle.
Don’t cry, Cap.
Kill Chris Evans: This does depress me, but one of them had to go. Considering that it wasn’t really until Winter Soldier that I boarded Chris Evans Express, I am left having to mercilessly sacrifice him to the MBK gods.
Whitney’s Answers:
Ellen, you smart, strong, sensual Dill-weed. As per ushe, you have completely bunged this up. Sit back before you hurt yourself. I got this.
Marry Chris Evans: Logistically, he is the most sensible “marry” choice, as he is the only unwedded Chris. Oh, and also because he is a six-foot slice of human perfection. I only came to this conclusion after I saw him interviewed during the Avengers press junket. You would think that someone this gratuitously hot would have the common decency to be super boring and unfunny. Not so. Watch and weep, guys.
Boff Chris Pratt: I have this whole boff completely mapped out: Mouse Rat would be playing in the background, we would be cruising the galaxy on his super-sweet space ship, and Champion the three-legged dog would be cheering us on from the sidelines. As if I even need to say it, this boff would be at least 5,000 times better than a Candle in the Wind.
Kill Chris Hemsworth: Ellen and I have played this game a lot. By which I mean that we once spent an entire three-day weekend doing nothing but sitting on a Santa Cruz beach, soaking up those sweet UV’s, and deciding the fate of every single celebrity we could think of. (Seriously, Rick Moranis made an appearance; we were not messing around.) One thing that I learned is that Ellen agonizes over almost all of her kills, and I execute mine with all the cold, detached objectivity of someone who actually understands that this is, you know, a game. So I’m gonna go ahead and kill off Hemsworth. Not because I don’t think he’s boffable, but because I actually fear the power of his boff. He’s just too much man. And obviously I can’t marry him because Chris Evans and I have an understanding. Sorry Thor. I hope your super hot wife and too-cute baby will be some consolation, however small.
As I write this post, I am marathoning The Mindy Project, mainly because I wanted to re-watch Danny and Mindy’s mounting sexual tension, but also in preparation for the new season. I am using my Hulu Plus account for this marathon and I have a complaint. Unlike most Hulu users, I have gotten over the fact that I have to watch commercials on a service for which I am paying. (Okay, actually, confession: I log into my mom’s account for which she pays, but my complaints are still valid).
Fangirly 