Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

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Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

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But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

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The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

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Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

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Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

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But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

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And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

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So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

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Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

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Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

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That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

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Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

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Whitney

Indisputable Proof that Tina Belcher is My Spirit Animal (and Maybe Yours)

It does not bode well for me that the TV character I most relate to is an awkward, hormonal, 13-year old but that’s where I’m at right now.  That’s right, Bob’s Burgers‘ Tina Belcher is my spirit animal and there is a lot of proof in the pudding.

We are avid romance readers and writers and sometimes our art imitates life. Guilty, so, so guilty.tina fiction

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The athletic arts are not exactly our strong suit.  I got a C in PE in the sixth grade because I couldn’t throw or catch a ball.  tina

Sometimes life is hard on us and we respond accordingly.  I feel ya, sistah.  tina ugh

We have curious minds and aren’t afraid to get straight to the facts.  I settled for Cosmo articles, but she is more ballsy.  tina questions

We are not the smoothest operators.  But Tina gets more action than I do.  tina pants

We are not the best with makeup.  This one hits so close to home.  I am about as capable of keeping makeup on my face as a toddler.  tina mascara

We have very sensual, realistic dreams. I mean, I don’t want to reveal too much…tina kiss tina fantasy

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Our glasses are both our identity and our struggle.  Four-eyed salute.  tina glasses tina glasses 2

We are not exactly graceful.   I can’t do yoga in public places because it is far too embarrassing.tina fall

Hence the reason we like to practice at home.  I am a fan of the at-home workout due to the uncoordinated thing.

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Our first times driving were pretty much the same.  Our dads were about the same, too.  tina driving

We stand out at dance parties.  For our awesome but subtle moves.  I go for the shoulder shimmy.tina dance

We agree on the real reasons to go to sporting events.  I once spent an entire Dodgers game checking out right field’s hinder. tina 25 guys tina butt

And to cap it off, we both wanted the same thing for Christmas. 

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Some of these qualities are not quite enviable or flattering but I could not be more proud to be like this strong, sensual woman.

Ellen

Fangirly Presents: The 2014 Femmie Awards!

If I had to pick one word to sum up last night’s Emmy Awards, I would have to go with unprecedented. I mean, who could have possibly foreseen that Modern Family would pick up Outstanding Comedy Series for the fifth consecutive time? Or that the dark horse nominee from Breaking Bad (you know, Malcolm’s dad) would take home the award for Outstanding Lead actor? Not to mention all the other left-fielders like The Big Bang Theory, American Horror Story, and Steven Moffat’s little known passion project Sherlock. And while all the wins last night were richly deserved, we decided to recognize all those performances that would otherwise have gone unnoticed. We present to you, our seven readers, the 2014 Femmie Awards.

Outstanding Use of Grocery Bags, Loose Fitting Clothes, and Tony Goldwyn’s Knee to Hide a Baby Bump in a Drama Series  

And the Femmie goes to…

Scandal!

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Most Outstanding Comedy Series to Ever Get Cut Down in It’s Prime, Thereby Denying Viewers What Should Have Been Years of Comedy Gold

And the Femmie goes to…

Subergatory! (Kind of a Win/Lose)

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Outstanding Performance by a Smart, Strong, Sensual Woman in a Comedy Series

And the Femmie goes to…

Tina Belcher! (Bob’s Burgers)

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Outstanding Miniseries that Attempts to Make the Idea of Getting Knocked Up by Patrick J Adams Less Appealing, and Ultimately Fails

And the Femmie goes to…

Rosemary’s Baby! (NBC)

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We here at Fangirly would like to extend our congratulation to all our winners! You will be going home with… nothing. Statues were not in the budget.

-Whitney