I know, I totally get it. Too much Civil War. I give you, here and now, my promise that I will consider, potentially, at a later date, eventually contemplate posting about other things. Maybe. But this billion-dollar-summer-blockbuster-snowball just keeps getting bigger, so we are going to ride this out with our very own Civil War edition of Marry, Boff, Kill! Our contestants are Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther, Sebastian Stan as The Winter Soldier, and Anthony Mackie as Falcon. And for once, Ellen, I want a clean fight. (Psych! I’m planning to draw blood). So without further ado…
Marry Black Panther
Pros: a (bananas) sexy scientist
happens to be king of a sovereign nation
moonlights as a superhero.
Cons: none to speak of.
Conclusion: yes please.
Mama always said, when looking for someone with whom you can share a casual, mind-blowing sexual encounter, look for a sense of humor.
So if my mama asks, I find Anthony Mackie’s butt hilarious.
Kill Bucky Barnes
The right sequence of words turns him into a one-man kill squad. I never stop talking. Murphy’s Law pretty much guarantees that I’m going to inadvertently turn Bucky Barnes into a metal-armed death machine. We’re… not a good fit.
From a fangirl’s perspective, Captain America: Civil War is really the gift that keeps giving.
Tempt me not, MCU, for I am weak. And nothing makes us weaker (particularly in the knee department) than the Civil War standout, Anthony Mackie, AKA Falcon.
Cut. The. Check.
With his indomitable charm, on-point delivery, and eyelashes that can generate their own wind currents, Anthony Mackie took this character from chummy to scrummy.
Falcon may not be Captain America’s best friend, but he’s certainly his dishiest.
So we salute you, Anthony Mackie. May your damn fine self be ever present in our Tumblr feeds, and our hearts.
(This post was brought to you by too much time on Fangirly’s hands).
There are so many reasons why Ellen and I could never review movies professionally. Number one has to be the fact that objectivity continues to elude us. No one ever said “Oh, Ellen and Whitney? I know those chicks. They are straight-up dispassionate“. (If you read quote that in Tracy Morgan’s voice, then we are all on the same page). My point is, I walked into The Winter Soldier pretty much determined to love it. There honestly was no possible outcome that involved me not going gonzo over this movie. So you can imagine my relief when it actually turned out to be genuinely good.
Ok, yes it was kinda long and the ending had more set up than an Adobe update and some characters (COUGH Agent Thirteen COUGH) had no reason to be there at all, aside from the aforementioned set up. But honestly, unless you are Aunt Linda that probably won’t bother you.
It’s hard to synopsize this movie because the potential for spoilers is pretty high. In a nutshell, Cap learns that SHIELD may not be entirely on the up and up, even for a subversive spy organization. That’s his real conflict; the titular bad guy is more of a complication. A super, super hot complication.
This film also had some of the best character moments in the franchise so far. Early on there is a scene between Peggy Carter and Steve that will emotionally decimate you. I mean it. In other great news, we get see Black Widow do more than just kick and quip. The ex-KGB mama jamma gets to finally open up in ways that the other movies haven’t afforded. She and Cap also punctuate the movie’s many action sequences with some bone-dry banter, most of which is about Steve really needing to get some. (Which begs the question: are we supposed to believe that Steve is still, umm, untapped, so to speak? Exactly how far are we supposed to suspend disbelief!?) Now that Winter Soldier is a record-breaking hit, we can only hope that Captain America is finally feeling the love.
Verdict: I thought it was pretty great. What do you think, Cap?
In honor of the upcoming season premiere of ABC’s Once Upon a Time I’m naming Sebastian Stan as our Crush of the Week. Stan’s role as the Mad Hatter pretty much embodies all the qualities I look for in a man. Borderline psychotic: check. Wears dope hats: check. Holds a grudge like a vengeful Japanese ghost: double check. While the Hatter’s character was, at best, pretty peripheral last season I’m hopeful that we’ll get to see more of him in season two. Here’s some clips to tide you over till then. If you like what you see (and believe me, you will) check out the season premiere of Once Upon a Time, Sunday Sept. 30, 8 p.m. on ABC!