This weeks Marry Boff Kill is perhaps the most contentious in recorded history. We will be deciding the fates of three of TV’s handsomest men: Ben Wyatt (Parks and Rec), Shawn Spencer (Psych), and Damon Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries).
Marry Shawn Spencer: Anyone who doesn’t think that Shawn is marriage material is an old sponge with hair hanging off of it. He’s funny, self-employed, and he kinda looks like a young Andrew Lincoln. Also, because Shawn and his BFF Gus are something of a package deal, I would be getting two smokin’ hot men for the price of one. To not take that deal, I would have to be just like Topher Grace walking on the beach at the end of In Good Company.
Boff Ben Wyatt: Is it ethical to boff someone out of curiosity? I mean, we know Damon can boff with the best of them, and Shawn has a long-standing reputation as a ladies man, but Ben Wyatt is something of a mystery. So I’d boff him, you know, just to see what the deal is. Does that sound slutty? I’m sure my mother will let me know.
Kill Damon Salvatore: I really have no problem killing Damon because he is a lead character on a show that is notorious for killing people and bringing them back to life. I’m pretty sure that the writers of VD will think of some supernatural plot device that will have him up and dancing on that banister again in no time.
Whitney, you ignorant slut. This is the only real course of action…
Marry Ben Wyatt: Ben Wyatt has all the qualities that this girl looks for in a mate. Namely, that he would be a most faithful, lifelong Comic Con companion. I would support him in his every endeavor, whether they be lackluster claymaish shorts or his Low Cal Calzone Zone. We would enjoy nights of Game of Thrones viewings and lively debates on the value of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. How can a real fangirl not marry this fellow nerd? Ben Wyatt, I like you and I love you.
Boff Damon Salvatore: Whitney, you shock and amaze me. How can you post your above picture of the infamous bannister dance and NOT boff Mr. Salvatore? And look at that cock of the eyebrow. I could never resist. I think I can safely say that if Damon Salvatore is ever in a round of Marry Boff Kill, he is always the ONLY option for boffing. I don’t want to marry into all that broody, self-loathing, immortality. But a night of passionate vampire boffing? Check, please.
Kill Shawn Spencer: As is the case with most killings in this game, this one grieves me. I love Shawn Spencer and a life with him would one full of laughter and adventure. But… he’s also a manchild and this girl likes men. While I take much joy from watching his childish antics every week (or when USA deigns to air this show every six months to a year), I don’t think I would want a lifetime of them.
Who got it right? What are your answers?
– Whitney and Ellen