Last week, Whitney challenged me to a round of our favorite game and yours, Marry, Boff, Kill, with this round focusing on the supporting cast of Captain America: Civil War. Whitney is notorious for always getting this wrong, so let’s delve into the CORRECT answers.
Of course you marry Sam Wilson. The guy is quick with the one-liners, he’s an American hero who served this country with honor, and I reckon he is always willing to bust out the wings for a quick trip to the grocery store when I forgot milk. What more could a girl ask for?
Boff Black Panther
Black Panther is the obvious choice here because he is the only one who is a guaranteed animal in the sack. ‘Nuff said.
Kill Bucky Barnes
…Even though just the thought of it kills me. He’s just far too brooding and complicated for this carefree, easygoing gal. Also, after the revelations in Civil War I think that it is safe to say that Buck is dealing with emotional baggage that he would rather forget. I’m considering this a merciful killing. Say hi to Peggy for me.
I know, I totally get it. Too much Civil War. I give you, here and now, my promise that I will consider, potentially, at a later date, eventually contemplate posting about other things. Maybe. But this billion-dollar-summer-blockbuster-snowball just keeps getting bigger, so we are going to ride this out with our very own Civil War edition of Marry, Boff, Kill! Our contestants are Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther, Sebastian Stan as The Winter Soldier, and Anthony Mackie as Falcon. And for once, Ellen, I want a clean fight. (Psych! I’m planning to draw blood). So without further ado…
Marry Black Panther
Pros: a (bananas) sexy scientist
happens to be king of a sovereign nation
moonlights as a superhero.
Cons: none to speak of.
Conclusion: yes please.
Mama always said, when looking for someone with whom you can share a casual, mind-blowing sexual encounter, look for a sense of humor.
So if my mama asks, I find Anthony Mackie’s butt hilarious.
Kill Bucky Barnes
The right sequence of words turns him into a one-man kill squad. I never stop talking. Murphy’s Law pretty much guarantees that I’m going to inadvertently turn Bucky Barnes into a metal-armed death machine. We’re… not a good fit.
From a fangirl’s perspective, Captain America: Civil War is really the gift that keeps giving.
Tempt me not, MCU, for I am weak. And nothing makes us weaker (particularly in the knee department) than the Civil War standout, Anthony Mackie, AKA Falcon.
Cut. The. Check.
With his indomitable charm, on-point delivery, and eyelashes that can generate their own wind currents, Anthony Mackie took this character from chummy to scrummy.
Falcon may not be Captain America’s best friend, but he’s certainly his dishiest.
So we salute you, Anthony Mackie. May your damn fine self be ever present in our Tumblr feeds, and our hearts.
(This post was brought to you by too much time on Fangirly’s hands).