You know what sucks?

And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I was informed today that women are, tragically, not funny.

It’s true.

I know this because the person who let me in on this secret was, himself, blessed with a penis, so you know he knows comedy.

At first I was furious. How could someone make, with such confidence, such a blatantly untrue generalization?

Then I thought about it. And, wouldn’t you know it, he’s right.

Women really aren’t funny.

I mean, we have no sense of irony.

Woman are historically terrible at physical comedy.

Honestly, how many women can do impressions?

I think, and this is just me, that women are too preoccupied with their appearance to be funny.

And you know who really isn’t funny? Mature women.

Maybe if we didn’t harp so much about objectification in the media.

Maybe if we just got better at rolling with the punches.

If we weren’t so damn prissy. You know, developed a sense of bathroom humor.

It’s no wonder that male comedians don’t want to work with women.

And why there aren’t any good female comedy duos.

Who would have thought that ovaries, those things that launch our transformations into raging hose beasts with each new moon, would be the agents of our comedic destruction?

Let’s rally, ladies. Let’s focus on our strengths. Like wifery.

And being good at literally everything else.

Actually… wait…

I think I just thought of a joke.

Ok, bare with me, I’m new at this.

What did the woman say to the dumb-ass who thinks women aren’t funny?

Get it?

–Whitney Weldon