Fangirly Birthday Tribute: The Story of Ellen

Her life began, as you might assume,

When she beat a hasty retreat from the womb

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Her wit was legend by the time she was six,

No one could ever catch on to her tricks

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But Ellen cared not for the praise, not one bit,

Even when it came from her dear cousin, Whit

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The girls became buddies, of the rarest kind,

No two more alike in spirit and mind

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Whitney cried on the day Ellen left for the city

She was now all alone, and it felt pretty… um, bad

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Though their visits were fun, they just weren’t enough,

And saying goodbye became rougher than rough

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But Ells was just fine, yes she tore it up good,

Doing the things you WISH that you could

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And sometimes, she’d think of her poor lonely cousin

For the good times they’d shared, she could count by the dozen

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So the girls reunited, and they did it real fast

And were just as close as they’d been in the past

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Just one thing now could complete their bliss,

To each wed a guy by the name of Chris

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Which totally happened, I swear that it’s true,

I’d go into detail, but that might get too blue

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That’s the end of my story, and I hope you’re all awed

By Ellen, the world’s most spectacular broad.

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Ells, I hope this birthday poem wasn’t a dud,

But, just in case, I also got you Paul Rudd

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Whitney

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Cinema Chutes and Ladders: Summer 2015

It’s August and that means that the summer box office has begun it’s inevitable cool-down. We’re here to give you our take on a few of this summer’s biggest releases and speculate on a few late season stragglers. It’s time for another edition of Cinema Chutes and Ladders!

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Avengers: Age of Ultron (May 1)

There’s been a lot of talk lately about Marvel Fatigue and the over-saturation of comic book movies. In response I’d like to say, um, boo hoo? What a bummer for audiences that this production studio is churning out these pretty consistently good films that make people excited to go to the movies. The nerve. I, for one, really enjoyed Age of Ultron.  It gave me everything I needed from an Avenger movie, like good character moments, and solid performances, and…

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Chris Evans chopping wood. Can’t forget about that.

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tom-hardy-as-max-in-mad-max-fury-roadMad Max: Fury Road (May 15)

I wasn’t sold on Fury Road when it was announced last year; I prefer studios to spend their time developing something original rather than rebooting a franchise that flamed out thirty years ago. So you can imagine my surprise when this turned out to be not only one of the best, but in many way one of the most original, summer release. Fingers crossed for a Nux spin-off, am I right?

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Jurassic World (June 12)JURASSIC-WORLD-15-1940x1042

I gave Jurassic World an initial good review that I stand by. But when this movie is taken into context with all the other summer releases, it’s definitely one of the weaker links in the cinematic chain. It was fun, but not much more than that.

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Trainwreck (July 7)

The alternate title of this movie was How Whitney Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Amy Schumer.

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Marvel's Ant-Man..Scott Lang/Ant-Man (Paul Rudd)..Photo Credit: Zade Rosenthal..? Marvel 2014

Ant-Man (July 7)

I had one hope for this movie. I only asked that I could make it though Ant-Man‘s 117 minute run-time without hearing the phrase “why don’t you pick on somebody your own size”. I did not get that wish.

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Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (July 31)

It’s really easy for me to forget what an amazing franchise Mission Impossible has been, until I’m confronted with yet another off-the-chain installment of said franchise. In other news, Rebecca Ferguson is my official Girl Crush of 2015. Crossfit has clearly served her well.

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The Gift (August 8)

From watching the trailer of The Gift, starring Joel Edgerton, Jason Bateman, and Rebecca Hall, I catch whiffs of Single While Female and Fatal Attraction. Since we haven’t seen too many psychological thrillers this season, I’m interested to see how this one shakes out. For now, I’m calling it a ladder based on casting alone.

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Fantastic Four (August 8)first-fantastic-four-trailer-arrives-online_vbew.1920

So Twentieth Century Fox, your plan was to take a quartet of inherently ridiculous superheroes whose attempts at film success has nose-dived not once, but twice, and make them grittier? Good call. Hey, maybe next you could remake The King and I as a raunchy sex comedy.

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Dark-Places-Movie-2015-starring-Charlize-Theron-and-Nicholas-HoultDark Places (August 8)

Probably capitalizing on the success of Gillian Flynn’s last film adaptation, Gone Girl, is a movie that looks stylistically and thematically very similar. Hey, if it’s half a bananas the trailer implies, you can sign me up.

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Man From U.N.C.L.E. (August 14)maxresdefault

Henry Cavill, why must we always do this? You insist on looking balls-to-the-wall sexy and I’m sent into a celebrity crush tailspin. Do you know how hard it is to live like this? DO YOU!?

Whitney

Marry, Boff, Kill: The Boys of Summer!!! (Whitney’s Answers)

I take an undue level of pleasure in bringing to you our latest round of Fangirly Marry, Boff, Kill. The competition is as tight as the contenders respective outfits and we’re hoping for a clean fight. However, if Ellen starts throwing shade again, I will in no way be responsible for my actions. Today’s contestants are Chris Pratt as Owen Grady (Jurassic World), Nicholas Hoult as Nux (Mad Max:Fury Road), and Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver (Avengers: Age of Ultron). And since we know you’ve got opinions, go ahead and unleash them on our Facebook page, our twitter @fangirly2, or at fangirlyfangirls@gmail.com.

Whitney’s Picks

landscape-1430757391-frd-ds-00085Marry: Nux

I realize that the war-boy-turned-unlikely-hero is going to be a hard sell. I can’t imagine my parents being thrilled, especially when they learn that my other choices were a respected dinosaur wrangler and a superhero. To them I say, hey man, Nux might not have a job that pays well (unless he gets paid in raw, manic sex appeal), and our joy might any day be cut short by his cute little tumors, Barry and Larry. But they say the loves that burn brightest are also the most brief. At least I get to send that little psycho off to Walhalla with a smile on his face.

uncharted_fan_cast__chris_pratt_as_nathan_drake_by_imwithstoopid13-d7m49yrBoff: Owen Grady

I can’t help but think that when your job description involves keeping a bunch of genetically modified tooth-monsters in line, your time as a viable boff is pretty limited. How long until a raptor gnaws off your face, or heaven forbid, you become one of those jaded, Jurassic-World-weary, “I’m getting too old for this Stegosaurus” type dino-dudes. So Let’s do this.  You know, before the unthinkable happens and you start to look like Jeff Goldblum.

600full-quicksilver-(aaron-taylor--johnson)Kill: Quicksilver

Did you see this coming? I didn’t. Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s turn as Quicksilver was one of my favorite part of the latest Marvel summer screen buster. Not that it wasn’t problematic (‘nother time, ‘nother place), but I did love this character. I loved the hair (yeah, ya heard) and his unconvincing accent and his sexy blue and grey speed suit. It’s all good. But one must go, and by process of elimination, well, here we are. I’m so sorry. You’re great, but you gotsta go. I mean it. Go! Before I lose my nerve! Wait… come back. Ha! Just Kidding! Get out of here!

-Whitney

Run-On Sentence Review: May Movie Round-up

avengers_age_of_ultron_2015_movie-wideAvengers: Age of Ultron – I have been pretty open about my bias for Marvel in the past and my level of excitement for this movie was heightened by watching all of the 10 preceding Marvel movies in the months leading up to the release of this second team up of our heroes but I have tried to not let this bias affect my reviews of this movie when people have asked for it because while I LOVED this movie I can recognize that it is not without its faults because, and I don’t know if this is on Marvel or Joss Whedon, but they just bit off a lot more than they should have because in the course of this movie they are already dealing with six Avengers, introducing (SPOILER) some new Avengers, and doing some major setting up for not one, not two, not three, but FOUR upcoming Marvel movies, four if you count both Infinity War movies and just felt like too much and the movie struggled for it because there was exposition just whizzing by to make room for all of these components, but that being said the jokes were on point, the action was awesome, and Ultron made for a great villain due to the performance from James Spader and Paul Bettany was great as… a new character.

Pitch Perfect 2Pitch Perfect 2 – I will always throw it in my friends’ faces that I had to drag them to go see the first movie with me on opening night because I knew it was going to be good before it became the “surprise hit” that it was but it is this very “surprise hit” factor that debilitates the sequel because I think this second film is as good as the first, it just lacks that fresh feeling of the first film but isn’t that the case with any sequel because here the jokes are still aplenty, the girl power vibe is even more prevalent, and the music is probably better than in the first if not at least having more of it and isn’t the music really the best part of movies like this, it’s just like dance movies where the only reason I really like them is for the dance scenes and not really the story, at least with this movie you get a pretty enjoyable story, as well.

maxresdefault (1)Mad Max: Fury Road – There are plenty of extensive treatises on this movie that will discuss this movie much more eloquently that I will or could in this run-on sentence  but I will still endeavor to convince that this movie is freaking awesome because it is and you should see it (see what I meant about the eloquence) but if for no other reason than seeing the most awesome car chase sequence ever should you see this movie because it is basically a two hour car chase and making the car chase even more awesome is the fact that it is, for the most part, all practical effects which, being the rarity that is today, makes it stand out even more and the other thing that you are hearing about with this movie is that it is the first feminist film and that is not without credence because, despite the title, this is a film led by a female saving females who are being objectified by males, so does it get much more kick ass feminist than that?

Verdict: Mad Max is the best overall movie, Ultron is essential viewing for being able to keep up with the ever-expanding Marvel Cinematic Universe that also happens to be fun, and PP2 is definitely a fun movie but only you can know if it is worth it for you to see it in theaters.

Ellen