Once upon a time, there was a fair maiden named Whitney. She was queen over all the land of Vernalia. She was a fair, but vigilant leader. Her subjects worshiped at her beautiful feet. On the eve of her 23rd, her loyal subjects sought to honor her in a way befitting her status as the most benevolent and beautiful maiden in the land, so they brought her an array of Chrises. “O, incandescent Queen Whitney, we present to you these men,” said her lady in waiting, Ellen. “So that you may pick one of your choosing to do with what you will.” “Marry him or… do what you will. Will that you suit you on this the day of your glorious birth?” First down the great hall, came Chris Hemsworth and he knelt before her throne. “He is quite the hunk of man, ” said Whitney, the fair, with an approving eye. “He can be saved for further consideration.” And down the hall they came, dozens of Chrises. Chris Evans, Captain of… America…One after the other they came. Chris, the Earl of Pine…
Ellen tried to console her during this trying time.“But my queen, who said anything about choosing?” This had Whitney’s attention.Until she was quite overjoyed.“I have made my decision,” she exclaimed. “I will not choose one and instead I shall keep you all to do my bidding. I am after all the queen and always strive to live my family’s motto:”
Her declaration was met with thunderous applause by all of the men named Chris, as they all had hoped to serve her. And Whitney was quite pleased with her decision, as well. And Whitney and her Chrises lived happily on this the day of her birth and all the days after.
Happy Birthday, Whit! Love ya!