A Birthday Tribute for Whitney: Queen Whitney and the Parade of Chrises

Once upon a time, there was a fair maiden named Whitney.  She was queen over all the land of Vernalia.  She was a fair, but vigilant leader.  eating junkHer subjects worshiped at her beautiful feet.  On the eve of her 23rd, her loyal subjects sought to honor her in a way befitting her status as the most benevolent and beautiful maiden in the land, so they brought her an array of Chrises.  “O, incandescent Queen Whitney, we present to you these men,” said her lady in waiting, Ellen. “So that you may pick one of your choosing to do with what you will.”surprise face  “Marry him or… do what you will. Will that you suit you on this the day of your glorious birth?” I'd love it First down the great hall, came Chris Hemsworth and he knelt before her throne.Hemsworth wink  “He is quite the hunk of man, ” said Whitney, the fair, with an approving eye.I would have his babies  “He can be saved for further consideration.” And down the hall they came, dozens of Chrises.   Dozens of usChris Evans, Captain of… America…Evansheating upOne after the other they came.  Chris, the Earl of Pine…

pineChris O’Dowd, the charming Prince of Ireland…odowd

Chris of Messina…messina

 

Chris of the Hardwicks (he brought props to demonstrate how he would treat the queen)…hardwickChris the Duke of Parnell (how did he get in there?)…parnell

 

Chris of the Topher Melonis…meloni

Down the aisle they came. “And to top us all off,” said Lady Ellen with a flourish, “Chris of Kingdom Pratt.”prat manso-cuteWith that final option, Whitney was left with quite the dilemma.

tina 25 guysDifficult lifeDont pretend to know my painEllen tried to console her during this trying time.I acknowledge your pain“But my queen, who said anything about choosing?”  This had Whitney’s attention.ReallyUntil she was quite overjoyed.jane-dance“I have made my decision,” she exclaimed.  “I will not choose one and instead I shall keep you all to do my bidding.  I am after all the queen and always strive to live my family’s motto:”

shark weekHer declaration was met with thunderous applause by all of the men named Chris, as they all had hoped to serve her.  And Whitney was quite pleased with her decision, as well. anigif_enhanced-buzz-24304-1419268580-4And Whitney and her Chrises lived happily on this the day of her birth and all the days after.

Happy Birthday, Whit!  Love ya!

Ellen

 

 

 

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The Reviews are In: Jurassic World

My personal history with the Jurassic Park franchise goes as follows: saw the first movie WAY too young (two, guys, two years old), missed the second movie completely, and spent the third film trying to figure out how Jeff Goldblum wasn’t dinosaur poop. So why then was I full-tilt giddy for the Jurassic World reboot? Come on, guys, think real hard…

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My level of indifference toward dinosaurs is directly proportional to my devastating Chris Pratt thirst. But while I went to the theater for the Pratt-nip, I stayed for what actually turned out to be a very good movie.

hinh_anh_the_gioi_khung_long_jurassic_world__22Chris Pratt plays Owen Grady, a professional dinosaur wrangler who is called in when a new attraction at the new and improved Jurassic World theme park goes haywire. He, along with straight-laced park executive Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) must find a way to avert disaster AND contain the raging sexual tension between them. A tall order for anyone.

Just to be clear, Universal did not reinvent the wheel here. It’s a Jurassic Park movie. There are dinosaurs. But what Jurassic World manages to do very well is combine all the best elements of the franchise so far into one film. It’s scary, and sweet, and has an infectious sense of wonder that I haven’t gotten since the first Jurassic Park.  How infectious, you ask? I think my birthday cake this year speaks for itself.

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Verdict: Go see it. If you’re already a fan of the movies, then you’ll most likely love it. If not, see it anyway. If Chris Pratt on a motorcycle doesn’t make a believer out of you, nothing will.

-Whitney