Fangirl Correspondence: A Letter to Ellen

My Dearest Ellen,

Gracious, how long it’s been! Why, I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of your radiant company since we danced together at your brother’s wedding. Too long by half, fair cousin.

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(I do apologize for the inclusion of Sam’s wayward eyebrow. Those things have no concept of personal space.)

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Enclosed is a picture of me, being just too Kevin Bacon for my own damn good.

As so much has happened since we last tore it up, I beg only a few short lines to fill you in…

I started taking better care of myself.

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I’m seeing someone new…

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(#wordplay)

I’ve made Pinterest my prison wife.

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I have resolved, many times, to watch less TV and dedicate myself to my studies. A resounding triumph, obviously.

Use
.

And now I’ve moved home for the summer, where accommodations are decidedly less expensive.

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I hope that this letter finds you well, and still the baddest of mama jamas.

I’ve also included an artists rendering of what you and I will look like in 20 years. I hope you are as trilled with the results as I am.

Yours Ever,

Whitney

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