Listen, we have given a lot of love to some of the other Parks men on this site. Specifically, Adam Scott and Chris Pratt, because why wouldn’t we? But with the debut of Aziz’s new stand-up special on Netflix today, I thought it was time to spread the love because I have a lot of love in my heart for Aziz. Much like Tom Haverford, he is smooth like chocolate. I may not lust after Aziz the same way I do some of our other crushes of the week (looking at you, Chris), but I crush on Aziz in much the same way that I crush on puppies in that I think both are adorable and they make me laugh. Granted, I laugh at puppies when they fall over or make funny noises and I more often laugh at Aziz when he is calling tortillas bean blankies or doing bits on getting concert tickets on Craigslist, but the love is still there. Aziz is up there with former Crush of the Week, John Mulaney, for having my most quoted stand-up and I can never look at sheets, TNT dramas, or Kanye West the same way.
Here’s to someday getting to see Tom Haverford’s sexy times ritual. “I have a ritual and it starts on the couch. We sit down, clap my hands, lights dim, Boyz II Men fades in…”