Fangirly Exposed: Ellen’s Sexual Tension Workout Regime

"I've seen actual results with Ellen's Sexual Tension Workout" - Happy Lady on Bike

“I’ve seen actual results with Ellen’s Sexual Tension Workout” – Happy Lady on Bike

I am a glutton for sexual tension. That being said, I have decided to put that deadly sin of mine to good use.

In our family, we do this kind of weird thing, Whitney and I in particular. When there is something good happening, we tense up and rub our hands together in excitement. We have discussed why we do this and can only surmise that it is our way of releasing pent-up energy. Seeing as how the thing that we get most excited about is movies and TV, we do it a LOT when we are watching something. And seeing as we are hard-core shippers, we do it a LOT when there is any modicum of sexual tension on screen.

“Shipper”, in case you are unaware, is a term that was devised to describe those fans of relation”ships” in a TV show, movie, book, etc. So, when I say, “I ship Ben and Leslie”, it means that I love them together and want them to get together and have lots of sex and babies (well on their way!).

How am I putting this to use in a workout routine, you ask? Anyone who has ever watched a TV show with me or who has ever watched me read one of my books, which tend to be of romantic bent, knows that I tense up and freak out pretty easily. Don’t judge. I know I am not the only one! There are plenty of other fangirls out there who express their excitement in a myriad of ways. I rub my hands together and tense up, where someone else might squeal, jump up and down, or yell at the TV. Okay, so I do all of those, as well, but that’s beside the point.

Recognizing this weird quirk of mine, I have started putting it to good use. Lately, I have been bringing my iPad with me to the gym, loaded up with all of my sexual-tension-heavy shows and books. What else is a girl to do when Nick and Jess are giving each other “do-me” eyes and she is in a gym full of people but pedal that bike a little more aggressively?

Since starting this “program”, I have learned that two half hour shows are ideal because I will get two bouts of a high-intensity workout, which I am forced to do just to stop myself from squealing out loud and disrupting the guy on the treadmill next to mine. Books may be more difficult to manage, but they are also highly effective because sexual tension is more drawn out, so I will usually use them for the longer workouts.

Before you all lay into me with the innuendo-ridden comments, remember that at least I am now utilizing my gluttony for the sake of my health. Can you say the same?

Ellen

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4 thoughts on “Fangirly Exposed: Ellen’s Sexual Tension Workout Regime

  1. You know this is a genetic thing. Your mom, Aunt Tricia, and I used to do the same thing when we watched Love American Style or the Davey Jones episode of the Brady Bunch.

  2. I love how brutally honest you are, Ellen. I’m not sure I would admit to this new exercise regime and what prompts it to happen….

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